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That is great that this bully apologized but did the guy who was bullied have to put it on the www?
That is something personal that should be kept between those who were involved.
At least the guy who got bullied got his 15 minutes of fame.
I wonder if he asked permission to use the bullies name.
I always wonder that too, like, who calls the news about THIS????
Quote:
Originally Posted by Miss Hepburn
We are teaching our kids how to draw chalk marks around a murdered body...
His apology is too little too late. The damage is done.
I would have already forgiven him (for my own peace of mind) but would certainly never forget.
Apologizing is easy...it takes 1 minute, but in my opinion will never change the fear and torment that the victim went through DAILY for years and years.
I believe an apology is really just for the bullies peace of mind...saying I'm sorry doesn't change any of the hurt and torment the victim suffered.
It's not rare....lots of bullies figure saying... I'm sorry... absolves them of their guilt...it's an easy fix for them, and an easy way for them to forgive themselves I guess.
May be, but if you apologize from the heart, the biggest bully you receive back is acceptance and forgiveness. I have the experience.
My opinion, karma swung back around reminding him of his own perpetration. Arriving through personal experience of injustice, someone he knows or maybe his own child being bullied.
The man still carried the wounds of bullying, evidenced by weeping. You tube display doesn't make him a hero.
Here's one we don't hear about very often. In this case (see link below), after many years had passed, the bully had feelings of remorse and decided to apologize to this man for what he did to him in the past.
Is it rare? Have you ever heard of a bully apologizing like this?
But here's the bigger question, if someone that bullied you or hurt you deeply in the past suddenly showed up and said they wanted to apologize to you, do you think you could find it within you to forgive them?
His apology means nothing. When someone is bullied, it destroys their self-esteem and self-worth. It is torment. I guess the bully thought he was going to make it "fine" by "apologizing" 20 years later. Bull. He was only doing it to teach his own kid not to bully. I doubt he really felt any feelings of remorse for what he did to the other guy all those years ago and had he not had a child, he never would have apologized.
Another person looking for their 15 minutes.... .When does the book come out?
As a kid, the first 10 years of my schooling I was bullied quite a bit. One particular bully was in school with me from first grade until sophomore year in HS. In elementary school, he was often in trouble with teachers for the way he treated other kids. Yet, no amount of discipline made a dent in his behavior.
For me, the worst was during my sophomore year in HS. We were in a first year Spanish class together. I already also had a year of French under my belt and discovered that I loved learning languages so I was breezing through the class. Spanish is my Dad's first language but he never spoke it to us kids. The bully sat near me and at first, he accused me of doing well because I spoke Spanish. I told him that wasn't true. Yet, on a daily basis, he would call me the "S" word and tell me that I was cheating.
Recently, I discovered that he died of a heart attack when he was in his late 40s. Apparently, he was stricken while driving. Ironically enough, at the time of his death, he was working in a non-academic job at my college alma mater. He was running a department and the college employee newspaper ran an article about his death and praised him for the work he had done and even closed the department for a day in his honor.
After learning this info, I wondered if he had changed or if he was still a bully. He was married and had a daughter, so I wondered what life was like for them while he was alive.
It's odd. When I found out he had died, I was more surprised that he died young. Years ago, when I was younger, I would envision myself feeling happy if one of my tormentors were to die. Yet, I didn't feel any happiness. Nor did I feel sadness. If anything, I felt concern for his wife and daughter---did he change or was he still a bully?
I think that we hear about bullies who apologize because it is relatively rare that this happens. IMO, I tend to think that most bullies don't feel remorse for what they did and most don't remember their victims.
A bully is a damaged, wounded, suffering person that has no idea how to deal with
his pain, dealt out to him as an innocent child...
he lashes out as easily as a rageful co-worker at 5:15 on the highway home.
He should be pitied and forgiven with our whole heart.
So confused and filled with shame he can't even go to therapy thinking he will be judged.
Compassion is a gift...one day we all will be in a place where
we 'see' the whole picture.
I have been abused ridiculously so, lived in unforgiveness for decades...so I know
what I am talking about...I'm no Pollyanna.
Here's one we don't hear about very often. In this case (see link below), after many years had passed, the bully had feelings of remorse and decided to apologize to this man for what he did to him in the past.
Is it rare? Have you ever heard of a bully apologizing like this?
But here's the bigger question, if someone that bullied you or hurt you deeply in the past suddenly showed up and said they wanted to apologize to you, do you think you could find it within you to forgive them?
Anyone else, I couldn't be arsed to acknowledge. If I've cut someone out of my life long enough for there to be a woodwork for them to crawl out of in the first place, it means I already forgave them for lesser or repeated offenses, they took advantage of my good graces, and I hit my limit and wrote them off as toxic. It takes a lot for me to boot someone out of my life because I'm so forgiving. Perhaps too forgiving, actually.
At any rate, their apologies meant nothing then, as evidenced by their continued mistreatment of me, so their apologies would mean nothing to me now. If anything, I'd wonder if they were coming around because they needed money or something.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by nezlie
Here's one we don't hear about very often. In this case (see link below), after many years had passed, the bully had feelings of remorse and decided to apologize to this man for what he did to him in the past.
Is it rare? Have you ever heard of a bully apologizing like this?
But here's the bigger question, if someone that bullied you or hurt you deeply in the past suddenly showed up and said they wanted to apologize to you, do you think you could find it within you to forgive them?
Michael bullied me when we were in junior high school together, from about 1967 to 1971. We really didn't have contact until 1988. That summer he and others from our junior high school were playing beach football. I was brought into the game by Dave, someone who I'd been friendly with in junior high school and then from 1984 on. When we were in junior high school I was not athletic, making me easy to bully. Dave knew that had changed; Michael didn't.
During the 1988 game, he was assigned to guard me. He was only half-watching, since he didn't expect I would be passed the ball. When I caught the ball, I was about 20 or 30 yards down the beach before he noticed anything. To salve his humiliation he challenged me to tennis. Beat him 6-0, 6-1. Two summers later I was dating my girlfriend, now wife. He asked to be assigned a cabin room in our cabin. He sheepishly apologized and "hoped QRS was behind me." I said, "of course." We have continued to be acquaintances.
That's your choice, but at the same time I think that living with that level of resentment is like drinking poison and expecting other people to get sick.
The childhood bully in the OP didn't have to say anything, but he realized that he was wrong and he put himself out there. That takes guts. And it takes guts for the bullied guy to say that it's water under the bridge. Both people can move on without this toxic business from the past haunting them. It's a great story.
Just saying to yourself or someone else that you've forgiven them doesn't mean it just suddenly erases all the hurt, resentment, hatred, and suffering from your soul. I mean, I wish it did, but in my experience it doesn't.
Michael bullied me when we were in junior high school together, from about 1967 to 1971. We really didn't have contact until 1988. That summer he and others from our junior high school were playing beach football. I was brought into the game by Dave, someone who I'd been friendly with in junior high school and then from 1984 on. When we were in junior high school I was not athletic, making me easy to bully. Dave knew that had changed; Michael didn't.
During the 1988 game, he was assigned to guard me. He was only half-watching, since he didn't expect I would be passed the ball. When I caught the ball, I was about 20 or 30 yards down the beach before he noticed anything. To salve his humiliation he challenged me to tennis. Beat him 6-0, 6-1. Two summers later I was dating my girlfriend, now wife. He asked to be assigned a cabin room in our cabin. He sheepishly apologized and "hoped QRS was behind me." I said, "of course." We have continued to be acquaintances.
That's an excellent story man. Thank you enjoyed it.
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