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I am not living with my parents. However, I cannot afford to do anything super risky financially that might cause me to end up living with them again. That would be my worst nightmare.
In regards to allies, unfortunately I do not because everybody in my life only knows the fake version of me wearing the mask to please my parents. I have told a few people about my struggle with my sexuality but they are Christians who have of course directed me to reparative therapy and would side with my parents. One guy I told actually stopped hanging out with me after that because I made him uncomfortable. I am not ready to be out and open especially living in Oklahoma City. It would be nice however to have friends whom I could be the real me around.
FWIW, not all church attendees are pro things like reparative therapy or ostracism of others. If it's important to you to remain spiritually affiliated, bear in mind that there are other religious communities that are not going to react to your sexual orientation the way your parents' church does. If it's NOT important to you to remain in a religious community following your experience, that's fine, too.
You do need to advocate for yourself, and resigning yourself to surrounding yourself with people who do not support who you are is a choice you need to consider changing. Oklahoma City absolutely has LGBT resources. The OKC Pride celebration was just this past weekend.
This is related to the other thread I posted about whether or not your early twenties are your best years. It's a slightly different topic though so I decided to start a new thread.
Over the past three years I have been severely depressed. I am 29, almost 30 and am scared that I am wasting away my life and youth. I spend many nights drinking alone because it is a form of self-medication. It's a way for me to escape from this depression. Unfortunately, my depression stems from family issues that are not easily resolvable. They are hyper-Christian fundamentalists that are not only difficult to please, but have an unhealthy amount of control over me. They completely controlled my life growing up and wouldn't give me any freedom to have a normal childhood and denied me the usual rites of passage associated with growing up. I had no friends growing up because nobody was Christian enough for my parents and I couldn't hang out with anybody who didn't pass their litmus test. At 22 I finally got out, moved to the east coast and got to live my life. These were the "magical years" that today I look back on as my golden era. At 26, I had to move back to Oklahoma City, partially because of the Great Recession but mostly because I finally caved into my parents wishes.
So basically, the life I want to live is not in tune with what my parents want. I know its my life and I should live it the way I want to live it, but when that means making choices that will completely destroy my family's life, its easier said than done. I could completely submit to my parents, but that would mean giving up my own dreams and submitting to a belief system I am not sold on. I could live my life the way I want but that would come with huge consequences with my family. I am kind of stuck in the middle where I am just existing but not living. I am going through certain motions and maintaining appearance of being a strong fundamentalist Christian to please my parents but it brings me no joy or happiness and in fact has made me miserable. This is when my depression began. They are also pretty big political activists against same-sex marriage and for religious right politicians and expect me to be a part of that but I detest it. It's like I am literally in a prison. I've attempted to embrace the church thing and have gone through some periods of more religiosity than others but the older I get the more shallow fundamentalist Christianity becomes and its just something I don't feel like being a part of. It's not that I don't believe in God, its that I don't in the same way that my parents do.
Also contributing is the fact I am stuck living in Oklahoma City, a place where life does indeed end when you graduate college, especially if you aren't ready to get married and start a family (which I am not). This is secondary to my root issue though and the reason I am even in Oklahoma City to begin with is because its what my parents wanted me to do. This town, for me, also has a lot of emotional pain associated with it. Moving within the next five years is impossible so I have to find ways to improve my life that do NOT involve moving elsewhere for right now.
Anyways, I know this was a long vent. Thanks for any replies.
You've completely disempowered yourself, no wonder you feel miserable and hopeless. You are trapping yourself. You are giving them power over you, they don't have it unless you give it to them.
The first thing you need to realize is that this is your life, not your parents' dictated life. The second thing to realize is you are not predestined to meet their unreasonable expectations. They are not reasonable people. Sure you love them, they've been good to you etc., but wipe away the confusing spectacles of emotion and what you have is a couple of unreasonable people given to emotional manipulation and extremism (or fundamentalism if you prefer).
You need to walk away. The problem there is - and your post screams this - even though you are an adult in years, in emotional terms you are a dependent (otherwise known as a child). An adult lives their lives on their own terms, not to please their parents. Adult parents (but not childish parents) raise their children to be independent adults - that is the goal. Not some half-assed stagnant dependency because they can't let go. As painful as it is for letting go. I say this, raising my children each of whom I would have no hesitation, no hesitation, in sacrificing my life for should it be needed.
You need to embrace independence and mature. The other choice is this mess of submission, placation, and self-effacement of yourself so that your parents can be "happy", not you.
Well, yesterday was literally one of the worst days of my life and today isn't far behind. I stayed sober all week but binged last night. While I am happy about the marriage equality ruling, my family, friends, and a majority of the people in my community are not. There is absolutely no love or compassion anywhere to be found. Only anger, hatred, and spite for anyone that doesn't up to their standard. I don't know how I am going to be able to survive five more years in this place.
So, no to the reaching out to the gay community in OKC? Your call.
Doing so would be a huge step from which there would be no turning back. And I couldn't stay discreet for long. In addition, everybody in my life would turn their backs on me, not that they are worth having in my life anyway. I know I am getting to the point though where I won't be able to keep putting it off or I'll remain miserable forever.
Doing so would be a huge step from which there would be no turning back. And I couldn't stay discreet for long. In addition, everybody in my life would turn their backs on me, not that they are worth having in my life anyway. I know I am getting to the point though where I won't be able to keep putting it off or I'll remain miserable forever.
So based on your own statements, you are aware that you are complicit in your own misery.
Oklahoma City in general is a depressing place to live. I now live here. I moved from Atlanta 2 1/2 years ago. I was also in a 3 year depression due to what the recession did to my career and an awful divorce I did not want. I'm trying to get out of this city, but for me, living here makes me depressed too because I want to get remarried. A middle aged guy in Oklahoma City isn't going to have much luck finding a younger woman who wants kids. They get married at 22 and have several kids by 30. My situation is different, but there are some similarities.
For me cutting way back on drinking and being consistent in the gym helped. I also got my career back. Work towards your career and maybe you can leave in 3 years. I'm hoping to leave within a year.
Edit: I missed that you were gay. I'm not qualified to advise you on this. But I will say Atlanta would be your best place if you could move there.
I'm not sure why you posted your message, many have reached out to you, have given you very good suggestions, and you have exhibited resistance to change, catastrophic negative thinking, you are maintaining yourself in a victim role, "oh poor me", and you've made it clear you plan to take no action to remedy your situation. So you will continue to sustain your own prophesy. You should be careful because honestly you are somewhat draining, you put a lot of energy into all the reasons there is no change possible in your life because your actions [none] speak louder than your words. Because of that, people that want to help you, maybe be your friend, etc., will eventually fade away, as this post ultimately will. People will expend only so much effort trying to help someone who doesn't want to be helped, but just wants to squeak loudly to get sympathy. You try to keep your thread going by repeatedly answering but you can tell [I hope] by the responses, that folks aren't putting forth as much energy because you aren't trying to help yourself. Maybe that's why you returned home and find yourself essentially alone. Unless you want to keep it that way, you'll need to start helping yourself. You sound full of drama, but short on action steps to move on. Drama gets old, action is where it's at. Times a' wastin'. Quit complaining, get moving and take responsibility for your own life, no one else is going to do it for you.
I'm not sure why you posted your message, many have reached out to you, have given you very good suggestions, and you have exhibited resistance to change, catastrophic negative thinking, you are maintaining yourself in a victim role, "oh poor me", and you've made it clear you plan to take no action to remedy your situation. So you will continue to sustain your own prophesy. You should be careful because honestly you are somewhat draining, you put a lot of energy into all the reasons there is no change possible in your life because your actions [none] speak louder than your words. Because of that, people that want to help you, maybe be your friend, etc., will eventually fade away, as this post ultimately will. People will expend only so much effort trying to help someone who doesn't want to be helped, but just wants to squeak loudly to get sympathy. You try to keep your thread going by repeatedly answering but you can tell [I hope] by the responses, that folks aren't putting forth as much energy because you aren't trying to help yourself. Maybe that's why you returned home and find yourself essentially alone. Unless you want to keep it that way, you'll need to start helping yourself. You sound full of drama, but short on action steps to move on. Drama gets old, action is where it's at. Times a' wastin'. Quit complaining, get moving and take responsibility for your own life, no one else is going to do it for you.
This above post is spot on.
The OP and Atlguy have been crying about how horrible okies are and how they are so miserable. And every time someone posts something helpful, they become even more hateful. Atlguy, Atlanta may be a great city, but it is not necessarily THE BEST FIT for the OP or anyone else. Who says a gay person can only be happy living in a large city with a large gay population?
The OP obviously has some legitimate personal issues, yet, he refuses to address them or take any action. So he starts hurling insults at everyone in Oklahoma. Not just those homophobes, the OP starts railing against ALL okies, even though he has not met all okies. That is what gets me. The OP is hating on people he does not even know!
Bchris, grow up. Get some meds. Not all gays are effeminate, hair stylists or interior decorators. In fact, in this part of the country, most gays succumb to peer pressure and get married and have kids and sit in church every Sunday. They are not out, loud, and proud, but they are definitely gay.
Stop crying about what your parents think or what they believe in. That is their belief, not yours.
You might find this astonishing, but you are not alone. Every single gay person goes through some sort of religious/personal or family persecution. Some even get kicked out of the house as teenagers. Those intolerant parents are on display on the current events thread right now railing against the same-sex marriage law.
If you DID try and help yourself by making friends with other OKC gays, you might find a common bond, and you might find acceptance starts with you accepting yourself as gay.
Honestly, OP, you are complicit in your own happiness. If you don't take steps to make the changes you need to make in order to be happy, you can't really expect anything to change. You have resources and access to them. If you opt not to avail yourself of any of them, that's 100% on you.
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So he starts hurling insults at everyone in Oklahoma. Not just those homophobes, the OP starts railing against ALL okies, even though he has not met all okies. That is what gets me. The OP is hating on people he does not even know! 
