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Warning: this is NOT a thread to debate about gay rights or same sex marriage! It's about the strange about-face I'm noticing among some people in their support of people who are gay.
When I was in high school, in the 80s, a group of people tormented my friend and me, calling us gay, lesbians, and every offensive slur related to gay women. I always thought that it was okay for people to be gay, even back then, but it was still horrible to have rumors going around about me that were not true, and to hear d_ _ _ _!!! yelled after me in the halls at school. This went on for about 2 years. It was so upsetting, and my friend even felt suicidal in response to all that they were saying about us.
As an adult, I've moved well beyond that experience. A few of the tormentors later apologized to me, and others just sort of put it behind them and pretended it never happened, and since most people from my high school class are facebook friends, we are all in touch at least superficially on facebook.
With last week's supreme court decision, so many of these former tormentors are posting pro-same-sex-marriage comments and links, and they have rainbows all over their profiles.
While I've put the resentment behind me for the most part, it did bug me, just a little, that all these people who tortured me, saying I was a lesbian, and how that was such a horrible thing, are now openly celebrating gay rights. Part of me wishes I'd saved the disgusting notes I used to get on my locker, so I could post them on the pages of these people to point out their hypocrisy. (Of course, I would never do that, even if I had saved them, because I detest online drama, but the thought it still in my mind).
Please don't jump in with the usual CD responses like "why do you even care what people on facebook say?" or "why do you hang on to all this resentment after all these years?" Like I said, I really don't hang onto resentment from the past, but you never forget when someone hurts you badly, especially at a young age, even if you have forgiven or otherwise out it behind you. It's just like a little scar from an old injury--it no longer hurts, but it's still there. I'm just mildly annoyed by it, a little amused too, and, well, curious about it.
Could all of these people have had some profound epiphany and change of heart? Are they all truly, honestly, in favor of the rights of gay people? Or are they just jumping on the bandwagon because unlike in the 80s, now it's "cool"?
I know people can and do change, but can all of these people really go from hating gay people, to the point where they torment someone, calling them gay and saying they are disgusting and should just kill themselves (when the victims were not even gay), to now painting themselves in rainbows and exclaiming about how "love wins"? Forgive me, but I just having trouble believing that all of these folks could have gone through so much personal growth. Maybe a few of them, but all of them? Really? You don't feel a tiny bit hypocritical?
Has anyone else noticed this: people on social media who used to be horrible toward gay people or people they accused of being gay, who are now celebrating gay rights? I posted this in Psychology because I'm trying to understand the actual thought process.
I grew up in an extremely anti-gay church and my family hates gay people probably more than the Phelps family. Growing up in the church I was taught to hate gays and anybody I suspected of being gay. I did some shameful things in high school to people I thought were gay. I had very few friends in school but one guy who was my friend talked with a lisp (he was straight). Well my parents met him and wouldn't let me hang out with him anymore and also forced me to turn against him.
It's possible for somebody who grows up in this type of environment to finally get out and do a complete 180, fully supporting gay rights. It's happened with the children who have escaped Westboro. Extremism and oppression has a way of bringing out opposite emotions when and if they ever do escape.
I support gay rights but cannot be open about it in real life. I as much as liked an article on Facebook sympethic to the SCOTUS ruling and am being bullied by my family, who insist that I am headed to hell for "sympathizing with the homos." They have demanded I change my Facebook photo to a burning rainbow flag to prove my devotion to God but I don't want to do it.
Bottom line is yes, its possible to have personal growth especially on this issue.
Tons of people. Bill Clinton signed the Defense of Marriage Act into law and now claims to support it. Howard Stern was constantly gay bashing in the 90s but quit when it became unfashionable. People just like to ride a wave of triumph and be part of the winning team. That gay marriage has so much support as it does shows what sheep people are, 15 years ago they opposed it and now most Americans support it. I've supported it since I was a kid and I'm a straight guy. Most people are unfortunately illogical sheep.
I don't know anybody like that. Of the people I knew earlier in life who I still know as adults, the ones who were dicks and bullies then are still dicks and bullies. If they didn't think being gay was "cool," then, they don't now.
It's too early to tell, but perhaps those that have turned around and are now supporting Gay same-sex marriages are being more sadistic than ever, particularly those trapped in unhappy marriages!
Misery loves, loves, loves company!
When God wishes to punish you, he answers your prayers?
While I can't speak to this exact issue, I can say that I know several people who were openly racist in their teens when their lives were sheltered and they were influenced by peers and their parents. Now as adults they realize the error of their ways and support civil rights. Some are even in interracial relationships.
I think this type of personal growth is certainly possible, especially when going from teens to adulthood. I think a lot of people have done things as teens that they don't want to admit. Personally I'm more concerned about people who don't have the strength to evolve and see the error of their ways.
I went to my ten year high school reunion a couple years ago. It was amazing- people who wouldn't give me the time of day in high school were suddenly long lost friends. One guy in particular- and this guy absolutely tormented me for three straight years just because I insisted on joining the swim team and staying with it even though I wasn't the best swimmer in the world- spent almost the entire evening treating me like we were best buddies all throughout high school even though I could not stand him and he could not stand me. Another big surprise was the number of people in my class who turned out to be Gay- one of them being "Mr. Big Man on Campus"- football star, team captain, homecoming king, and one of it not the biggest bully in our class. A lot of it, I think, is people somehow mentally blocking out the bad times and only remembering the good. I gently reminded "Big Man on Campus," who had his arm around his partner's waist as we talked, that he commonly referred to me and my friends as a "bunch of f*gg*ts" all throughout high school. He just sort of brushed my comment off with a laugh and didn't say a thing about it. I got over it years ago- what happened, happened and there is no going back and changing things. We all have regrets and we've all done stupid things.
I doubt most of them were ever truly homophobic. Having been bullied myself my whole childhood and adolescence, I know a bit about it. Bullies don't necessarily hate whatever they're making fun of you for. They just use whatever is handy and will hurt someone or get a rise out of them. I doubt most of the people calling you gay (and related terms) probably ever stopped to think really hard about what they felt about gay people in general. If they did "hate" gays, it was probably due more to being told to hate gays more than really being disgusted by them or thinking they were morally degenerate.
Not sure why this is an issue. Most essentially healthy people grow out of ignorance and change as they live life out in the world, meet more people, and have more experiences.
I was raised Catholic and I was a hard-charging, pro-life Republican in my early to mid-20s. I had gay friends and I didn't bully anyone, but I did feel that homosexuality was an abomination, and had the subject of same-sex marriage come up in 1988, I might very well have been against it. I was "love the sinner, hate the sin."
Now I'm a left-wing, pro-choice atheist and am happy that all Americans are now free to marry the person they love. I don't consider homosexuality anything other than what it is, and the concept of "sinning" is right out because I don't believe in any gods to sin against.
It's really a matter of being willing to accept, and truly understand, that yours is not the only human experience. Some high school students are capable of that. Many are not and come to their realizations later in life.
I don't know anybody like that. Of the people I knew earlier in life who I still know as adults, the ones who were dicks and bullies then are still dicks and bullies. If they didn't think being gay was "cool," then, they don't now.
Hahaha, at least they're consistent.
I guess I just have a basic expectation that people should be consistent, and if they change, there should be a true turning point in their thinking and opinions, and not just going along with how the wind blows.
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