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A lady that used to work here was often open about her life and would tell many of us the most intimate details of her goings on.
So she lets a few of us know that her man had been seeing another woman. Although her man does not work here with us, this other woman does work in the same hospital, but on a different floor and different department.
She finds out that her man had been seeing this other woman in an office building. She gets upset and decides that she will get back at him. She has a guy friend that likes her so she decides to ask him for a favor. She ends up having sex with this guy in another office near where her man is sleeping with the other girl, so she could get back at him.
I asked her, did he know you were doing this? She said no, but it felt good to get back at him.
The tendency to blame the party other than the cheater is a mechanism that is psychologically helpful to get past the trauma and maintain the marriage/relationship. It is harder to commit to a long-term relationship when all the bad feelings must be attributed 100% to the cheater.
And, to be realistic, in one case I personally know of, it was the extraordinary actions of the other party that caused a level of temptation the cheater could not resist (though of course there are those who would be able to do so). When an attractive female who is well aware of her charms sets out to seduce a a male in his peak-testosterone years, and can work free from the threat of imminent discovery by the spouse (creating the illusion that the spouse will never find out), even the type of man who is normally faithful can get carried away.
The tendency to blame the party other than the cheater is a mechanism that is psychologically helpful to get past the trauma and maintain the marriage/relationship. It is harder to commit to a long-term relationship when all the bad feelings must be attributed 100% to the cheater.
Which makes sense, for those who are trying to preserve good will or benefit of the doubt toward a cheating partner.
For those of us who had or would have no desire to attempt a relationship salvage after a partner has cheated, it makes more sense to disregard assigning any intent or "fault" to the person the partner cheated with, because they are pretty extraneous to the situation. We're not exiting the relationship because of them or their actions, we're exiting it because of our partners' actions.
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And, to be realistic, in one case I personally know of, it was the extraordinary actions of the other party that caused a level of temptation the cheater could not resist (though of course there are those who would be able to do so). When an attractive female who is well aware of her charms sets out to seduce a a male in his peak-testosterone years, and can work free from the threat of imminent discovery by the spouse (creating the illusion that the spouse will never find out), even the type of man who is normally faithful can get carried away.
Eh, I don't personally buy this. Even the type of person (not just man) who is normally faithful CAN get carried away, yes. But, that is still always a conscious choice. There is no "level of temptation one cannot resist." You can always resist. Unless you don't want to. And that's a conscious choice.
Eh, I don't personally buy this. Even the type of person (not just man) who is normally faithful CAN get carried away, yes. But, that is still always a conscious choice. There is no "level of temptation one cannot resist." You can always resist. Unless you don't want to. And that's a conscious choice.
Totally agree. You CHOOSE to cheat. You should be able to resist even if a completely attractive person is dancing naked on your lap and begging you for sex.
Totally agree. You CHOOSE to cheat. You should be able to resist even if a completely attractive person is dancing naked on your lap and begging you for sex.
You and the other poster are both female I am assuming. I'm just asking... how would you know what is possible or not possible for a man to do? My mother and ex-wife were a tag team during my marriage. She kept me on an unreasonably short leash and my mother was on her side. They both insisted men were dogs and could not be trusted but that women were mentally and physically unable to cheat. That turned out not to be the case. I'm not disagreeing anyway, people do have a choice. We're not animals. I'm just not accepting anymore than women can speak for men, and I'm not entirely sure how well they can speak for themselves.
You and the other poster are both female I am assuming. I'm just asking... how would you know what is possible or not possible for a man to do? My mother and ex-wife were a tag team during my marriage. She kept me on an unreasonably short leash and my mother was on her side. They both insisted men were dogs and could not be trusted but that women were mentally and physically unable to cheat. That turned out not to be the case. I'm not disagreeing anyway, people do have a choice. We're not animals. I'm just not accepting anymore than women can speak for men, and I'm not entirely sure how well they can speak for themselves.
Yes, I'm female, but I don't know what that has to do with anything. To say or imply that simply because someone is male that he may have no control over cheating on his partner is actually insulting to men. Both men and women have a duty to a partner to exercise self-control. And when someone, either male or female allows themselves to lose self-control, that was their choice.
If you say that it's unfair for me to have that opinion because I'm a woman trying to speak for men, then I strongly disagree. We're all people, adults, who make choices and who should have adult level self-control and adult level ethics.
What would these parents say to their kids? Perhaps being healthy examples of people would be a better example of a role model. Instead of looking to celebrities and magazines for images of what a healthy person should be. Society cannot expect humans to have values, morals and coping strategies without social engineering.
Not anymore, but... after reading Jukesgrrl's true crime story and the other more recent one involving the NFL players wife and mistress, the NASA Shuttle pilot incident where she drove cross country in adult diapers to kidnap her rival... .. you characterize my experiences as "Drama Central"?? People die in many of the real dramatic situations that play out nearly every day.
Well, as long as no one died, then I won't think it's an episode of Jerry Springer.
It seems like in most of the stories I've read lately (in web sites like the www.nydailynews.com etc.), it's about a gal who goes after her boyfriend's or husband's lover.
Here's an article on that..
p.s. When I read those kinds of stories, it's amazing to me the number of angry people commenting that take the side of the wife and say things like 'the lover deserved it.' I often wonder if they are harboring some bad experiences or what....
On the other hand, there's this. Following the killing of the young women at the movie Trainwreck the other day (where females were target obviously because the shooter blamed everything wrong in his life on women) Slate magazine noted, "... there were 14 other gun-based murder-suicides in the past week [my emphasis] in this country, resulting in the loss of 36 lives. If you look down the list of the killings, an unmistakeable pattern pops out: 'shot and killed his 37-year-old wife... shot and killed his ex-wife... shot and killed his 62-year-old wife... shot and killed his 23-year-old girlfriend...' and so on. Most of these killings involve men killing women that they were in a relationship with, had lost a relationship with, or likely wanted a relationship with, but were rejected."
So, yes, women often act out angrily and melodramatically when they are furious over romantic jealousy. And it tends to get splashy press. But when men act out, the woman often ends up dead and that's barely noteworthy to anything but local media.
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