Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I blame the "Self Esteem" movement. Kids should be praised when they achieve something not, as some believe, for simply existing. Add in the idiocy that everyone deserves a trophy for just showing up doesn't help kids to discern when they are successful and when they are not. Once you convince someone that their very existence makes them special and deserving of adulation, you get a person who expects everyone to acknowledge how "special" they are regardless of evidence to the contrary.
It's driving me ****ing nuts. Everywhere you go you see this. It doesn't matter if we are talking only about individuals or groups. Everybody appears to be convinced that they are somehow different than others. That they are better, special, and deserving of special treatment in society. Humility is dead. Everybody is a narcissist. Young or old.
I don't know if this is the result of modern materialism, a lack of social discipline, bad parenting, or possibly all of those things. But whatever the reason, the sheer level of self-delusion that appears to be rampant in modern western society just makes me want to kill myself. I know not EVERYBODY is like this, but many, or I might even dare say, MOST people are like this these days. Here are some examples I am talking about (can apply to both individuals or groups):
-Thinking they are destined and/or entitled to become something great in the world for no reason.
-Are highly individualistic in a negative sense (care more about their own ambitions than anything else).
-Put a high value on material goods and social status (A poll in my country some time ago asked people which social class they considered themselves to be a part of, and something like 94% said middle-class, which is utterly laughable and shows how deluded people are about themselves).
-Believe their social-class/group is better and deserves special treatment and government/economic favors (what that means obviously depends on their exact group/class). After all, what is good for them is also good for the rest of society!
-Thinking that causing harm to other groups in society through selfish social or economic policy (note that I am not only talking about the rich harming the poor, any class can tell other classes to go **** itself for various reasons) intended to help only them won't make any difference to them in the long-term, since they "won't be affected". As if being hated by large portions of society or having to deal with an angry or desperate mob later won't come with any negative side-affects down the line...
-In general, just not giving a damn about the long-term effects of anything as long as they benefit in the short term.
-Having unrealistically high standards in the dating world, and being willing to casually dump partners if they get bored of them or if they don't meet their high standards. Also thinking they themselves are better than they are in the first place.
-Refusing or being reluctant to talk to people in real life or even just over the phone instead of doing it via facebook or text message because doing so requires actual effort and is just not worth their valuable time.
These are the ones I can think off of the top of my head.
So yea, what the hell? Why have people become so messed up?
In the "bad" old days we had shame. We no longer have shame. Shame is terrible and bad. You shouldn't feel ashamed for anything. You can apparently misbehave, not try, not use your brain or anything and not feel shame anymore. You are the center of the universe.
Personally I feel that while a lot of the old ways needed to be eradicated the pendulum has swung to far to the other side - as it always seems to do in any sort of correction - and needs to come back towards center.
I remember in kindergarden not wanting a lunch box because i thought i would "stick out." When i got there and no one else had a paper bag, THEN i wanted a lunch box!
My grandparents lived their entire lives thinking "what will the neighbors think?" And i assume the generations before did so as well. When i asked questions like "why do we go to church?" They said stuff like "because we just have to!"
So now we all "do what we want" and that contributes to us thinking we are "special"- basically because we can think for ourselves and are "rebellious" at times! What low standard we have for ourselves!!
We're pathetic!!
Making one's choices based on one's personal desires, values, and priorities, versus what would meet with the approval of peers, even if it is not what one wants, isn't especially pathetic.
In the "bad" old days we had shame. We no longer have shame. Shame is terrible and bad. You shouldn't feel ashamed for anything. You can apparently misbehave, not try, not use your brain or anything and not feel shame anymore. You are the center of the universe.
Personally I feel that while a lot of the old ways needed to be eradicated the pendulum has swung to far to the other side - as it always seems to do in any sort of correction - and needs to come back towards center.
I agree! I've been seeing so many things now through the lens of "the death of shame." I'm a licensed therapist, and have to go to continuing ed trainings on various clinical issues regularly. I went to one training about shame, and the attitude of the presenter and other attendees disgusted me. They all bought into the "all shame is bad" notion. I even raised my hand and suggested that there is a such thing as "healthy shame" which is a useful part of our personality development and judgment. But they all "shamed" me for suggesting such an outrageous thing!
I agree! I've been seeing so many things now through the lens of "the death of shame." I'm a licensed therapist, and have to go to continuing ed trainings on various clinical issues regularly. I went to one training about shame, and the attitude of the presenter and other attendees disgusted me. They all bought into the "all shame is bad" notion. I even raised my hand and suggested that there is a such thing as "healthy shame" which is a useful part of our personality development and judgment. But they all "shamed" me for suggesting such an outrageous thing!
Oh the Irony!!!!!
The way I look at it we are...pack animals? tribal animals? We live in social groups. In order to get along things are going to happen to us if we don't conform for the best of the group that won't feel good. When we do conform but it isn't what we really want we will feel pouty. Its part of the human condition as a social animal to not have things go our way all the time. If everything is going someone's way all the time, it usually at the expense of another group member. One of those tools that are used to keep people in line if we don't conform is shame. Was there way too much shame for things that weren't shameful in the past? Yes. But I think we agree, there are things that are harmful to individuals and the group and one of tools to get our group members to behave in ways best for them and the group is a little shame. Because the flip side of shame is pride; pride for having done the right thing. Is anyone down on pride? Or reward feelings for doing the right thing? Where is the balance.
(Pride of course can be bad if too much or unearned, like everything, too much is not good)
The way I look at it we are...pack animals? tribal animals? We live in social groups. In order to get along things are going to happen to us if we don't conform for the best of the group that won't feel good. When we do conform but it isn't what we really want we will feel pouty. Its part of the human condition as a social animal to not have things go our way all the time. If everything is going someone's way all the time, it usually at the expense of another group member. One of those tools that are used to keep people in line if we don't conform is shame. Was there way too much shame for things that weren't shameful in the past? Yes. But I think we agree, there are things that are harmful to individuals and the group and one of tools to get our group members to behave in ways best for them and the group is a little shame. Because the flip side of shame is pride; pride for having done the right thing. Is anyone down on pride? Or reward feelings for doing the right thing? Where is the balance.
(Pride of course can be bad if too much or unearned, like everything, too much is not good)
Yes, pride needs to be actually based on something real, or it's empty, and then it's just plain arrogance and entitlement. That's the problem with all this work addressing self-esteem in that last 25 years. there has been a huge push among education and mental health professionals to boost the kids' self-esteem. They latched onto this notion that "low self esteem" was to blame for bullying, disruptive behavior, etc. but true self-esteem (like "pride") must be based on something REAL. Something you've worked hard at. Something you've accomplished or achieved. Something you've done to help others. Something you've persevered at. But most of the self-esteem building efforts focus on valuing oneself just for "being" instead of for "doing." Yes, just because you exist, you have value as a living human being, but you don't get self-esteem, self-worth just from existing. You get it from DOING. Even trying and failing, and learning something from the experience raises a person's self esteem.
The result is that we have a younger generation who, for the most part (of course there are exceptions), have an inflated yet empty self-esteem. This kind of self-esteem is a fragile as a soap bubble. And because it's empty, it needs to be "fed" constantly, via exhibitionism "look at me!", bragging, the excessive need for attention, compliments and reassurance. That goes along with a huge sucking sense of entitlement. I'm so special...I've been told that all my life...How dare you not treat me as special!...Don't you recognize who I am?...Why am I not being treated how I deserve to be treated?
If everybody is "special," then no one is special.
Lol! A unique little snowflake...just like everybody else, huh?
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
