Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Just because you won't do that again doesn't mean you don't have a problem. The fact that you have been obsessing over this for six years suggests that you do have a problem.
I just feel like I did something so terrible, and it's a feeling of guilt. That's really what I feel. An analogy would be if I accidentally killed someone in a car accident, and persistently thought about it. Would you say I was obsessed with the person in the other car? I wouldn't describe it that way, it's more like I was obsessed with the accident itself. Similarly, I'm obsessing over how I behaved, it was just terrible and I carry it with me all the time. As soon as I finish this semester of college, I'm going to get some counseling.
Just because you won't do that again doesn't mean you don't have a problem. The fact that you have been obsessing over this for six years suggests that you do have a problem.
Well, I definitely have some problem. I've admitted that in my op, which is why I'm writing this in the first place. I would like to say though that I also have social anxiety which has severely limited the number of social experiences I've had. That being said, it may seem like this all happened yesterday to me largely because I'm had so few experiences since or before that time, that they haven't eroded what happened.
Sounds like now you've moved your obsession from Her >>> Guilt About Her.
A pattern, OP.
Obsessive thought patterns.
You might wanna get help for that.
While everything you wrote is correct, it just seems redundant since I already wrote that I have obsessive guilt about what happened, and that I intend to go to therapy after I finish this semester of college.
Don't beat yourself up so much. I don't think this sort of thing is that uncommon. It sounds like you saw something in her and it caused a very extreme reaction, in a good way, although at the time, maybe you did not understand fully what was happening. You didn't do anything overly creepy though. Such as park outside her house and spy on her. That would be creepy. Or follow her around. You only expressed your care and concern for her. I think its sweet, actually.
Although it could be a part of a different psychological condition, possibly. Obsessive-compulsive disorder, maybe? Or an attachment issue. Speaking to a professional might be helpful, since it sounds like you still haven't recovered from it, at least, not your feelings of embarrassment around it. I think this is something you could put to rest. Its in the past and nothing bad came from it.
Reiterates the idea that it could be part of OCD, maybe.
Six years later, I have never recovered from how obsessed I became, and I have only faintly talked to any girls since that time, and have only been on one date. I just can't forgive myself, and perceive myself as anything other than a nut job.
6yrs is a long time to agonize; putting aside therapy until the end of this semester, another postponement?
I would like to write a confession of some actions of mine from six years ago that I have never recovered from. Six years ago, when I was 23 years old, I completely lost my mind over a girl, and I essentially became obsessed over her. She was a classmate, and we studied together for one semester. We were never romantically involved. She was actually a trauma victim in therapy and I was one of the very few people that she had told this to at least at that time. She told me I should take it seriously that she would disclose that information to me. I began writing overwhelmingly sympathetic messages to her, for example offering to go to therapy with her. She had told me that one of her symptoms was that she had a fear of getting close to someone, and with some selfish intention and some good intention, tried to make her confront this. Keep in mind that this was entirely through texting. She started to withdraw, and instead of backing off, I began sending overboard creepy messages, for example telling her that I must care an awful lot about her to keep waiting for her to respond to me. Eventually, she completely stopped talking to me, and I begged her to say hi, and she responded but told me that she wanted to move away. At this point, I completely flew off the handle, and since it has been haunting me for six years, I feel that I need to be honest with what I said to her after this. Keep in mind she's not responding to anything I say.
1. **** my life. 2. I love you. 3 I said I love you. 4. Do you love me? 5. Say yes or no, do you love me?
6. I am not good at connecting with people, but I love you so I had to take a chance.
She finally responded that she was pissed off and would not talk to me anymore.
Ten days later, I wrote a long text message detailing that I wanted to make her face her trauma and not get scarred and run away. I made it clear that I had said lots of crazy things including saying I love you, and said I of course did not. I said I wanted her to find someone that she loved, and that it did not have to be me. I said that I loved her as a friend, and that I always would. She responded that I was a Great person (note the capital G, I remember that distinctly because I wrote the same thing to her and she was mimicking me) too and that what I wrote meant a lot to her.
She went silent again and would not talk at all. I asked her if she was at least OK, and that I would not have to keep texting her if she did not want me to. She responded that she was OK.
I then wrote a very long letter, maybe 15 pages long expressing my sorrow over her trauma, and again saying bizarre obsessive love type comments for example, telling her that I had developed an attraction for who she was on the inside, and telling her that to be truly beautiful she would have to express it with the way she carried out her life, that I would not show her love if she was not showing towards herself. It just went on and on. I had a mutual friend deliver it to her after I packaged it. I don't think he could have known what was in the package, which is why I did it that way. Of course I never heard back from her. A couple weeks later I sent a message saying that I would never contact her again, and I never have.
Six years later, I have never recovered from how obsessed I became, and I have only faintly talked to any girls since that time, and have only been on one date. I just can't forgive myself, and perceive myself as anything other than a nut job.
The way this thread is titled is pretty funny if you're a perv...anyways, dude you need some counseling.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
