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I would like to write a confession of some actions of mine from six years ago that I have never recovered from. Six years ago, when I was 23 years old, I completely lost my mind over a girl, and I essentially became obsessed over her. She was a classmate, and we studied together for one semester. We were never romantically involved. She was actually a trauma victim in therapy and I was one of the very few people that she had told this to at least at that time. She told me I should take it seriously that she would disclose that information to me. I began writing overwhelmingly sympathetic messages to her, for example offering to go to therapy with her. She had told me that one of her symptoms was that she had a fear of getting close to someone, and with some selfish intention and some good intention, tried to make her confront this. Keep in mind that this was entirely through texting. She started to withdraw, and instead of backing off, I began sending overboard creepy messages, for example telling her that I must care an awful lot about her to keep waiting for her to respond to me. Eventually, she completely stopped talking to me, and I begged her to say hi, and she responded but told me that she wanted to move away. At this point, I completely flew off the handle, and since it has been haunting me for six years, I feel that I need to be honest with what I said to her after this. Keep in mind she's not responding to anything I say.
1. **** my life. 2. I love you. 3 I said I love you. 4. Do you love me? 5. Say yes or no, do you love me?
6. I am not good at connecting with people, but I love you so I had to take a chance.
She finally responded that she was pissed off and would not talk to me anymore.
Ten days later, I wrote a long text message detailing that I wanted to make her face her trauma and not get scarred and run away. I made it clear that I had said lots of crazy things including saying I love you, and said I of course did not. I said I wanted her to find someone that she loved, and that it did not have to be me. I said that I loved her as a friend, and that I always would. She responded that I was a Great person (note the capital G, I remember that distinctly because I wrote the same thing to her and she was mimicking me) too and that what I wrote meant a lot to her.
She went silent again and would not talk at all. I asked her if she was at least OK, and that I would not have to keep texting her if she did not want me to. She responded that she was OK.
I then wrote a very long letter, maybe 15 pages long expressing my sorrow over her trauma, and again saying bizarre obsessive love type comments for example, telling her that I had developed an attraction for who she was on the inside, and telling her that to be truly beautiful she would have to express it with the way she carried out her life, that I would not show her love if she was not showing towards herself. It just went on and on. I had a mutual friend deliver it to her after I packaged it. I don't think he could have known what was in the package, which is why I did it that way. Of course I never heard back from her. A couple weeks later I sent a message saying that I would never contact her again, and I never have.
Six years later, I have never recovered from how obsessed I became, and I have only faintly talked to any girls since that time, and have only been on one date. I just can't forgive myself, and perceive myself as anything other than a nut job.
You should talk to a professional counselor... get to the root of why you became obsessed, how to prevent it in the future, and to help you forgive yourself and move on with your life. A professional will give you better advise and help you get your life back on track better than any one here. I am sorry for you man, I hope you get through this. Best of luck to you.
Forgive yourself, and if necessary ask for her forgiveness with a one time one sentence short text and no further contact.
You were in over your head. Her trauma was fundamental and deep. Something you probably still don't nor can't understand as a guy as I suspect she was previously physically assaulted or worse.
The best thing to do when dealing with other people's traumas is to be a good listener. Show empathy and compassion. Don't overreach and certainly don't insist they run through fire. Some things take a very long time to become resolved and initially can be very raw.
You are not a bad person, quite the contrary. You just overstepped in your naivete and wish to help.
Forgive yourself, and if necessary ask for her forgiveness with a one time one sentence short text and no further contact.
You were in over your head. Her trauma was fundamental and deep. Something you probably still don't nor can't understand as a guy as I suspect she was previously physically assaulted or worse.
The best thing to do when dealing with other people's traumas is to be a good listener. Show empathy and compassion. Don't overreach and certainly don't insist they run through fire. Some things take a very long time to become resolved and initially can be very raw.
You are not a bad person, quite the contrary. You just overstepped in your naivete and wish to help.
I'll never contact her ever again, so there will be no short text. I became so obsessed, and can never take that back.
I have completely left her alone. This was in the distant past. I had never acted this way before, and will never act this way again.
I was simply humiliated by how I acted, and I want to forgive myself and move forward.
Its over,now your obsessing on another behavior. We have all done creepy things,hateful things,bad things,in the lives we used to live when younger. It brings people down even when your life is going well. If you need to get counseling then do so. Its up to you to fix it. Maybe there was no closure so what many therapists would have you do is write a letter of apology to her, then tear it up. It has helped many victims over the years.
Forgive yourself, and if necessary ask for her forgiveness with a one time one sentence short text and no further contact.
I would advise against doing this OP, even if she accepts the apology you're giving yourself another excuse to obsess over it for 6 more years.
I do second the forgiving yourself and seeking counseling though.
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