Ideas on dealing with BPD OR NPD situation (addiction, counselor, mentally)
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Backstory, made short(er): My other half has a daughter who was really crushed by her parents divorce which happened long before I made the scene. She is now 20. When she was nearly 17 she moved with us to Hawaii, which I suggested to get her out of the bad situation she was putting herself in. That was a disaster. I totally understand PTSD from dealing with a NPD or BPD person.
She is the baby and her father loves her to the moon, as he should. She is a HS drop out. She graduated from promiscuity to a full blown abusive relationship complete with substance abuse (heroin, perc's, benzo's)
I do understand the basic cause of BPD, being from a traumatic event (shattered family at 12 then, during early teens a sexual assault). I'm not making excuses but there's stuff that needs addressing. She is smart but is now playing dumb. She seems unable to accomplish anything and I know it's frustrating for her. She was excited that she got a great job offer that required her to get her GED. No. Unable to accomplish. I can tell you she is a shop-a-holic and covets material things but if I offered her $5000 for her to get her GED immediately she couldn't do it.
My idea is to find a family counselor (as I did in Hawaii) - we have since moved back to her home state to be closer to the kids/grandkids. Discuss with the counselor things we might do or try that would help her. See if EVENTUALLY she would agree to see the counselor. One problem with that is "she is never wrong - it's always someone else's fault" at least in her mind. So she might agree until the counselor points out a fault of hers then that would be it. She might be more willing - as her behavior becomes more dangerous she seems to be crying out for help - like the recent trips to the ER because the smoking of crushed up pills causes her windpipe to spasm and she can't breathe. Then she talks frankly to the DR about it as if she needs him to commit her - not sure about that.
If nothing else, her dad and my seeing a counselor might stop him from lamenting about not knowing what to do.
I've also considered AL-ANON or another family support group. I think the drugs are just symptoms. You yank them away without addressing the root cause for the self-medication and self-destruction and she will find something else.
OH she's "engaged". They shift between her mother's house (and he's now forbidden to go there) and his parent's house (his mom says she doesn't want the girl there but...) She has a part time job and I'm thinking he's not working at all.
In one sense I want to back far away out of self-preservation. But when I hear about this before bed, the PTSD kicks in, my nerves are jangled and I can't sleep at all. Any suggestions.
BPD and NPD are two personality disorders in the 'cluster B' in the DSM. Although they share some attributes- they are different. Someone who has BPD and co morbid with NPD may show increased grandiosity, increased lack of empathy, more anti social features, perfectionism then someone diagnosed with BPD alone.
I've also considered AL-ANON or another family support group. I think the drugs are just symptoms. You yank them away without addressing the root cause for the self-medication and self-destruction and she will find something else.
In one sense I want to back far away out of self-preservation. But when I hear about this before bed, the PTSD kicks in, my nerves are jangled and I can't sleep at all. Any suggestions.
Quote:
Originally Posted by hunterseat
btw, she was diagnosed by the counselor as BPD/NPD, confirming what my counseling training told me.
This would be a step-daughter you speak of? She needs intense 30-60 confinement (she can't do this on her own), followed by daily out-patient programs. Personally watched the downward spiral of a bipolar with addictions to narcotics; heart breaking, mentally exhausting rl horror. As someone with PTSD, the time before sleep belongs to you and because you're so emotionally invested, its not the time to have your mind racing. You do have control over when and what you allow in. Although I never attended AL-ANON, sounds like a pretty good idea. Best Wishes.
Thank you for the replies and the PM's. It means a lot. Now to figure out how to help nudge the whole dysfunctional bunch in that direction of thought. I do think she's NPD, more than BPD. But there's an underlying insecurity that she won't face. Very sad... and maddening. Another thing I was told was she is unable to self-regulate. (Capt. Obvious) I'm worried she's going to go too far with the extremes. She spent another 6hrs in the ER last night. Yes, step.
This would be a step-daughter you speak of? She needs intense 30-60 confinement (she can't do this on her own), followed by daily out-patient programs. Personally watched the downward spiral of a bipolar with addictions to narcotics; heart breaking, mentally exhausting rl horror. As someone with PTSD, the time before sleep belongs to you and because you're so emotionally invested, its not the time to have your mind racing. You do have control over when and what you allow in. Although I never attended AL-ANON, sounds like a pretty good idea. Best Wishes.
Because of this answer, virgode, I remembered to remove myself from the room last night and go to bed. (thank you) It was bedtime anyway but she called and she's making flippant remarks about how her dad should take out life-insurance on her if she's risking her life by her behavior (not in so many words).
How does one suggest a 30-60 day intense confinement, etc, when the person is 20? Her mother finally told the boy's mother to not let the girl sleep there or the police will be called to her house. She tried to be nice at first but...I don't think the boy's mother has any control. I think she's kicked the girl out before. I think people are looking at the symptoms and not the problem. It's so frustrating. I do NOT want to see this girl spiral to her demise.
Do NPD people love themselves as much as it seems? (never thinking about others, only themselves) Is it typical for them to think about dying? I hate how her casual conversation about life insurance isn't acted upon but I know her dad spent some sleeplessness last night. That might be a way to commit her to inpatient treatment..
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