Welcome to City-Data.com Forum!
U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Psychology
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 10-03-2015, 10:40 AM
 
3,424 posts, read 3,328,706 times
Reputation: 6171

Advertisements

Quote:
Originally Posted by HOSS429 View Post
what the #@&*^^ are you talking about ?
What HOSS429 said!
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 10-03-2015, 10:40 AM
 
Location: Oregon
657 posts, read 406,347 times
Reputation: 188
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mightyqueen801 View Post
Yes, makes sense in general, but what I don't get is your point as to how it relates to the OP. The OP is missing people he loved who have been gone for many years. How is grieving for lost loved ones dysfunctional or needless?

Oh, and when you snottily tell someone they are obviously missing something, make sure you are obviously not missing an apostrophe. The proper form is "you're", a contraction of "you are", not "your".

See? I can be just as snotty. There's really no need for it.
Grieving for lost loved ones is not dysfunctional or needless, but how much emotions are enough? You have the option of not prolonging your hurt; if hurting helps, by all means keep hurting.

Thanks for correcting my punctuation error; but I assume it was done 'tit for tat', thanks anyway.


note: I assume you no longer fear the 'bogyman', was emoting enough, so you stopped?, and now the 'bogyman' is only a memory without associated emotion.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-03-2015, 11:06 AM
 
Location: Elsewhere
88,293 posts, read 84,292,537 times
Reputation: 114639
Quote:
Originally Posted by sakoz-2 View Post
Grieving for lost loved ones is not dysfunctional or needless, but how much emotions are enough? You have the option of not prolonging your hurt; if hurting helps, by all means keep hurting.

Thanks for correcting my punctuation error; but I assume it was done 'tit for tat', thanks anyway.


note: I assume you no longer fear the 'bogyman', was emoting enough, so you stopped?, and now the 'bogyman' is only a memory without associated emotion.
I personally don't think that there is a time limit on feelings of love for people we cared about, no matter how long they've been gone, or a situation wherein I'd want to say, "I prefer not to feel anything about those people anymore". Rather, I balance sadness with other emotions; for example, missing my father who is gone 16 years this month combined with memories of good times we had and thoughts of what I learned from him.

You seem to be advocating deadening emotions in some way so that you don't have to feel. I will tell you right now that I learned to do that as a child, and it is one of the unhealthiest things a person can do.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-03-2015, 11:27 AM
 
Location: Oregon
657 posts, read 406,347 times
Reputation: 188
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mightyqueen801 View Post


You seem to be advocating deadening emotions in some way so that you don't have to feel. I will tell you right now that I learned to do that as a child, and it is one of the unhealthiest things a person can do.
I am not advocating deadening emotions, I'm suggesting we have options, KEEP the pleasant ones, retrieve the memories that evoke them, they are 'treasures'. I'm suggesting you don't "have to" experience the unpleasant ones unless you want to.

(Terms of service,.....no personal attacks.) If I was 'snotty' I sincerely apologize, you are right, there's no need for it. {I'm glad I didn't say I was perfect}.

Last edited by sakoz-2; 10-03-2015 at 12:21 PM..
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-03-2015, 11:29 AM
 
35,095 posts, read 51,103,864 times
Reputation: 62664
Quote:
Originally Posted by ItsRick24 View Post
I'm in my early 50s now and the youngest of 3 children. All of my elders (parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles) are long gone but I have vivid memories (good) of my childhood. I was especially close to my Mom and maternal grandmother - both of whom passed away when I was a preteen (Mom: heart stopped in her sleep; grandma: cancer [medically, but in reality from a broken heart after losing her daughter]…Anyway, both were very very loving and this evening I was listening to a tune that made me remember the great times. And I felt a pang of sadness 'cause they're not here. I miss them immensely. Ever get sad over someone you'd lost long ago?

I miss all of my Aunties and Uncles and I miss my Grandparents almost every day.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-03-2015, 01:02 PM
 
Location: Oregon
657 posts, read 406,347 times
Reputation: 188
Quote:
Originally Posted by HOSS429 View Post
what the #@&*^^ are you talking about ?
Quote:
Originally Posted by ItsRick24 View Post
What HOSS429 said!
You don't understand what I write about; is it that new to you?
I may as well be writing in a foreign language as far as your understanding goes.
I'm suggesting you can 'shift' to a different frame from your current one.
By not understanding shows how different it is. If your satisfied with your status quo, by all means stay within it.

(When you don't understand something, is it your custom to 'cuss' it?)

Last edited by sakoz-2; 10-03-2015 at 01:56 PM..
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-03-2015, 02:23 PM
 
Location: Elsewhere
88,293 posts, read 84,292,537 times
Reputation: 114639
Quote:
Originally Posted by sakoz-2 View Post
You don't understand what I write about; is it that new to you?
I may as well be writing in a foreign language as far as your understanding goes.
I'm suggesting you can 'shift' to a different frame from your current one.
By not understanding shows how different it is. If your satisfied with your status quo, by all means stay within it.

(When you don't understand something, is it your custom to 'cuss' it?)
When you are trying to get a message across, and everyone else doesn't seem to get what you are saying, maybe it's that you aren't expressing yourself clearly, not that everyone else doesn't get it.

I knew what you were trying to put forward after about your third post, but look back at your first one--you're going on about some "bogyman" that you imagine everyone once feared, and I had no friggin' idea what you were talking about or how it related to the OP. Yes, you are correct, you COULD be writing in a foreign language, because you're not saying what you want to say clearly and directly. You're talking in circles.

You could have said: "If memories of lost loved ones make you feel sad, you can retrain yourself to remember them without feeling the sadness." Bam. That's it.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-03-2015, 04:12 PM
 
Location: Oregon
657 posts, read 406,347 times
Reputation: 188
We only know what we know. We don't use words not in our vocabulary, we don't use what we don't know.

Samuel Taylor Coleridge wrote the following; I'm not sure why it came to mind; maybe to show I'm not the only one not understood.
quote: "What if you slept... and what if in your sleep you dreamed; and what if in your dream you went to heaven, and there plucked a strange and beautiful flower, and what if when you awoke, you had that flower in your hand. aha, what then?" unquote.

What do you make of that?

quote: "You could have said,"if memories of loved ones make you feel sad, you can retrain yourself to remember them without feeling the sadness". Bam. That's it." unquote
You must be very happy in your simple world, I'm sure many readers would like to know. My cat lives a simple life but he ain't telling.

Last edited by sakoz-2; 10-03-2015 at 04:22 PM..
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-03-2015, 04:19 PM
 
14,376 posts, read 18,320,068 times
Reputation: 43047
My best friend died when I was 23. I'm 39 now. Every time something big happens in my life, I want to call her and tell her about it. She had a serious illness from birth, so it's not like she was ever going to live a long time. Because of that, I no longer wonder what she'd be like at my current age, but I do feel the loss like it's new sometimes.

I don't think you're unusual at all, OP.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-03-2015, 04:38 PM
 
Location: Elsewhere
88,293 posts, read 84,292,537 times
Reputation: 114639
Quote:
Originally Posted by sakoz-2 View Post
We only know what we know. We don't use words not in our vocabulary, we don't use what we don't know.
Okay, Captain Obvious.

Quote:
Originally Posted by sakoz-2 View Post
Samuel Taylor Coleridge wrote the following; I'm not sure why it came to mind; maybe to show I'm not the only one not understood.
quote: "What if you slept... and what if in your sleep you dreamed; and what if in your dream you went to heaven, and there plucked a strange and beautiful flower, and what if when you awoke, you had that flower in your hand. aha, what then?" unquote.

What do you make of that?
I think it's a fine piece of writing that could be used to introduce an interesting conversation with a group of intelligent people or as a writing prompt.

Quote:
Originally Posted by sakoz-2 View Post
quote: "You could have said,"if memories of loved ones make you feel sad, you can retrain yourself to remember them without feeling the sadness". Bam. That's it." unquote
You must be very happy in your simple world, I'm sure many readers would like to know. My cat lives a simple life but he ain't telling.
My world is far from simple, and you don't know me so you don't get to declare it so. When it comes to discussions on a message board such as this one, I believe that being clear and to the point is more important than talking in silly circles thinking that's going to make me look intriguing or cool, because I've been on this planet a lot of years and have met many people who behave that way and I know that they don't look intriguing or cool. They look as though they are desperately trying to get attention by acting like an oddball.

The OP sat down and opened a vein and you responded with nonsense that was not responsive whatsoever to what he had to say, or, for that matter, to the topic of his thread, but rather something that you hoped would bring some attention to yourself, whether negative or not you didn't care. You got it. Satisfied?
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:

Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Psychology

All times are GMT -6. The time now is 09:03 AM.

© 2005-2024, Advameg, Inc. · Please obey Forum Rules · Terms of Use and Privacy Policy · Bug Bounty

City-Data.com - Contact Us - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37 - Top