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I remember in middle school we got into fights just because we were bored. One boy did threaten to hurt me, but I wanted him to do it so I could fight him and show my physical superiority to the other students. Nothing ever came of it, though. I and my friend later had a staged fight, and we got the attention of the whole school with it because we were such good friends. There was no hair-pulling or nail gouging, though, and, no, my friend did not get to show off her excellent karate moves that day; it was just a game. The other kids wanted to break us up, but we showed them that girl pals stick together. Ah, those were the days I could actually relate to people socially. High school and beyond got so much more complicated.
I disagree with the "hurting is flirting" idea, though. Young males may pick on an unpopular girl to assert their social superiority but not because they like the female in question. I got a lot of attention from the boys in high school, and it was because the guys who needed a little social credit thought they could get away with teasing me and raise their perceived social status at my expense. I just ignored it and went on with my life. Sure, I did resent the thought of not having a chance at an actual social relationship. I was considered the "lame," "stupid," unfriendly," insert insulting title here girl that no one knew or wanted to hang out with, and I guess I never really got over that. To this day, that's probably how my classmates view me. Wow, sometimes I feel like life is so unfair.
Thinking back to my mother and "it just means he likes you", I knew it wasn't true so it just got added to the large collection of things my mother constantly lied about. I learned very young to never believe anything she said. There was no trust for her or confidence in her.
Personally, I believe it makes a better relationship with a child to never lie to them, not even if you think the lie shields them. Children have a tendency to know when there is something off when they are told a lie.
Yes, I agree that mindless platitudes like "he hurts you because he likes you" can be a harmful thing to teach to a young girl.
Sticks and stones will break your bones
But words will scar you forever !
How on earth have we survived this long !
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