Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
There's always the jokes about a psychiatrist asking if you hated your mother or father; but in reality it is reality because what transpires, and what we're exposed to in our formative years plays a huge part in who we are in our adult life. My point is about your environment, not that you hate your parents.
My family pretty much isolated itself from the rest of the community. The only time we had anyone visit our home was perhaps one or two relatives, or maybe a friend of my mom's. . . but those were not your typical 'sit down and visit' or 'please join us for dinner' type of visits. We children had no exposure to the outside world except school, taken to a doctor's office, or went shopping with one of our parents. There were no family vacations, and only one (and literally one) family get-together at a park when I was around 10 years old.
My older brothers had a few friends (children of my mom's one and only friend); and either I tried to follow them around, or ended up playing by myself.
Therefore, growing up, it was extremely difficult for me to all of a sudden be social-savvy. From the first day of kindergarten to my high school graduation I felt like an alien from Mars. Never could understand how or why other kids had such an easy time making friends, etc.
Until I moved out on my own at the age of 21, I had one friend in my home one time and that was unsuccessful. Occasionally I would visit the home of the few friends I did have, but always felt uneasy and out of place.
Being in the work place was also difficult for me.
This used to bother me to no end. . . until I finally decided that I am who I am and learned to accept my uniqueness and not continually compare myself to others, or wish I were like someone else.
Umm.. Don't take it out on me because some guy at a bar isn't into you. Lame.
That's not what I meant. The guy looked like he might have been using his phone as a forcefield, but I wasn't sure because he kept looking around at other people. After a while, it became obvious that he wasn't waiting for someone. He was the only person there who was alone--a lot of people there knew each other. Nearly every couple or group was talking to someone else. I thought maybe, just maybe, he wouldn't mind talking with others, but didn't know how to break the ice. Apparently, that wasn't the case.
You said, "I can't sit and just talk to somebody. There has to be a purpose." I guess he felt the same way. So be it; he's entitled to his feelings. I just wish Mr. Wet Blanket hadn't sat next to me.
When I read your post, it reminded me of that guy.
This brings to mind a Peanuts strip one spring day. The kids are outdoors running the grass barefoot, remarking about how good it feels to have the grass on their bare toes. Snoopy, lying on his doghouse roof, says "The novelty wears off."
As one ages, it is harder and harder to find new experiences to get enthusiastic about. And harder to find the energy necessary to exploit them.
My parents weren't around much. And when they were, they were both very negative and pessimistic. It only took me until last year to not completely dislike them. Before that I didn't want to associate myself much with them. My mom also only calls me when she needs something or to ask me something. She's not a bad person but she has never asked me how I'm doing or just to chat with me. I'm not angry about it anymore. I'm just bringing this up because somebody asked about my family situation. I think it definitely screwed me up major.
My parents weren't around much. And when they were, they were both very negative and pessimistic. It only took me until last year to not completely dislike them. Before that I didn't want to associate myself much with them. My mom also only calls me when she needs something or to ask me something. She's not a bad person but she has never asked me how I'm doing or just to chat with me. I'm not angry about it anymore. I'm just bringing this up because somebody asked about my family situation. I think it definitely screwed me up major.
Perhaps this is why you did not develop the skill to just chat with somebody. It comes naturally for some but not for others. I have a daughter and my husband and I have to teach her these things. Before she meets her friends, we go over 3 behaviors we expect from her.
Perhaps this is why you did not develop the skill to just chat with somebody. It comes naturally for some but not for others. I have a daughter and my husband and I have to teach her these things. Before she meets her friends, we go over 3 behaviors we expect from her.
Agree. My mom is just going to be that way but I'm trying to be more conversational. It does feel like an obstacle to overcome each time since I'm not used to it.
That could actually be depression. Depression isn't always a sad feeling; actually it is more an absence of feeling. You may already know this, but it still sounds to me that a lot of what you're describing is depression, just a flat disaffected feeling. I don't get quite the same way, but in times when something is imbalanced in me (usually is doesn't last very long), I notice that my ability to take enjoyment is anything is taken away from me. It is for me usually accompanied by anger and bitterness. Yet, the imbalance is what is noticeable. You surely have got something chemically imbalanced that is persistent. Have you tried any medications? I know, and feel that way myself, that many people try to stay clear of them but sometimes the risk is worth the benefit. When the quality of your life becomes so low, it may be time to try and see if the imbalance can be fixed by current medications.
Do you really want some help or are you just looking for Pity?
If you want some help, i have Some ideas.
-think back to a time when something brought you joy?
-make a list of those things
-now make a list of your values
-What do you value?
-What would really get you upset?
-If someone stole your car, would you be upset?
-What kinda foods do you like?
-What kinda music do you like and dislike?
-Why do you enjoy that kinda Music?
-Do you value your health?
-Have you traveled---if so where?
-What did you lean when you traveled?
..pinpoint what exactly you like, and dislike in life.
NOW YOU CAN MAKE A LIST OF "YOUR VALUES."
What do you value?
-the roof over your head
-food on table
-what are you grateful for?
Answer those, and lets see if i can help.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
.
