How can you gain self-confidence if you know that you're ugly? (girls, feelings)
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I feel like I will never be able to have a healthy sense of self-esteem or confidence. For most of my life I've been reminded that I'm ugly and not attractive. I'm 18 and back when I was in elementary school, I was bullied pretty harshly because of how I looked. Boys and girls alike used to make fun of me and call me ugly. I have pretty much internalized it now. It's easy to say that they were lying or to not believe it, but I didn't see any other kids getting it as bad as me. I can assume that the only reason that they'd make fun of me and call me ugly is because it really is true. The people who actually had good looks never got made fun of, and I can assume that if I had good looks, I wouldn't have gotten made fun of either. It makes me feel bad when I see attractive people because I know they are constantly reminded of how good they look and they probably know it, but I'm the complete opposite and it's not like it's something that I can control, I was literally born this way.
Randomguy18... people never look as badly as they think they do. This is in your head and you must spiritually expand yourself to understand this. I know there is a standard of beauty and handsomeness, BUT that does not mean you are "ugly".
Also, keep in mind that little things can drastically increase outward appearances: a genuine smile, an open heart, and being well groomed (lol)... doesn't have to be fancy unless you've got fancy money .
I know it is easier said than done sometimes to gain self confidence, but please know that even the nicest looking people have self confidence issues (they just hide it). Most true self confidence either comes with age, spiritual awakening or both.
Kids can be and often are cruel. Kids often do what their parents do. If there are adults in your life doing this, please know this is not about you -- -- it is about them and their own insecurities.
Randomguy18, you are not ugly. You just have to spiritually open yourself up and evolve enough to see this for yourself. Please read "A Return To Love" by Marianne Williamson and/or "The Seven Spiritual Laws of Success" by Deepak Chopra. What these books will help you do is grow spiritually... which is your only real purpose on this planet. Once you undertake this journey, you'd be surprised at how much of a weight is lifted off of your shoulders.
I'm going to put this as G rated as I can. About 7 years ago when I was 23 I had a (male) roommate who had gained over 70 pounds since high school, had long curly hair, wore glasses (not a bad thing, just adding to the visual) and was objectively not that attractive of a guy. With all that said this guy had a smoking hot girlfriend for a couple years and after they broke up he started hooking up with girls that he had no business doing so with. Points to consider....he's a musically talented guy but more importantly he doesn't care one bit one anyone thinks of him and therefore is confident, he's goofy and has a personality that draws people to him. We're 30 and he's still this way. I'm not saying this is something you want to do, I'm just saying he doesn't let anything about his appearance get in his way, he actually embraces it. People sense confidence and it's a good thing.
You said you're 18. You'd be surprised how much self-transformation will start happening to you soon if you let it. You sound mature for your age but the fact is basically all 18 year olds are naive to what's coming their way and what's possible for them. Are you going to college? If so, that may seem like another reason to be down on yourself and to shy away from people but in reality it could be an opportunity to begin the transformation with people who have no previous interactions with you.
You'd be surprised how many people favor traits other than attractiveness.
A lot of good advice here; I can relate to much of it. I didn't blossom until I was about 18. Won't go into my story but I always think of a girl who was in my sorority in college; overweight, not attractive at all, but she made everyone laugh, was kind, and had great confidence. She met and married a great guy. One of my guy friends told me , referring to another friend who was also not that attractive, "She acts pretty". It is a matter of self-confidence.
Perfect teeth, dresses nicely, not fat & has a sense of style......what is exactly is ugly about you? That's what I want to know.
You know of course that stuff like a big nose can easily be corrected with a little cosmetic surgery.
And you say that people think you look mad, when you're not.....well is it because you have those vertical lines between your eyebrows...or do you have frown lines on your face?
All can helped with a little filler.
What's bugging you about your looks
It's my face that's the problem. My eyebrows are naturally arched and people would say I have a serious expression on my face when I would just be in my natural state. When people used to make fun of me, they'd just call me ugly and not really go into specifics, so I don't really know exactly what they were talking about that was ugly about me.
Kids can be and often are cruel. Kids often do what their parents do. If there are adults in your life doing this, please know this is not about you -- -- it is about them and their own insecurities.
Randomguy18, you are not ugly. You just have to spiritually open yourself up and evolve enough to see this for yourself. Please read "A Return To Love" by Marianne Williamson and/or "The Seven Spiritual Laws of Success" by Deepak Chopra. What these books will help you do is grow spiritually... which is your only real purpose on this planet. Once you undertake this journey, you'd be surprised at how much of a weight is lifted off of your shoulders.
If one person called me ugly and everyone else said I was handsome, then maybe I'd just think it was a problem with the person instead of me. The problem is that multiple people have said this to me before. I know it's not a positive thing to say but I feel like if multiple people have told me this before, then it must be true in some way. I never saw people who actually had good looks get made fun of or called ugly like I was, so there must be something about the way I look that attracted the bullying. I am interested in spirituality though, so I will look into the books.
<Kids can be so mean. I doubt that you are ugly...I think that you may feel that you are...because of the bullying.
I was picked on most of my elementary school years....into H.S. I'm old, so the names may mean nothing to you...But there was a famous English model that became so right when I hit my sophomore year in H.S. Well, I happened to look like her. So, my sophmore year everyone wanted to talk to me, and befriend me. I of course enjoyed not being called skinny and such...but I never really fell for the "fake" folks who all of a sudden wanted to be my best friend.
Lesson learned...everyone is unique, we all have our life's challenges, especially as children. What we have to do is love ourselves unconditionally...and what we have to show the world is that we are proud of ourselves.
The most ugly man/woman in the world can still be beautiful if they are warm, smile and present themselves that way to the world.
You really need to try to keep yourself healthy, mentally and physically. Hold your head up, do not let childish brats control your future. You are not that captive little grade school kid anymore. Be the best that you can be always. Love yourself...others will too.
If one person called me ugly and everyone else said I was handsome, then maybe I'd just think it was a problem with the person instead of me. The problem is that multiple people have said this to me before. I know it's not a positive thing to say but I feel like if multiple people have told me this before, then it must be true in some way. I never saw people who actually had good looks get made fun of or called ugly like I was, so there must be something about the way I look that attracted the bullying. I am interested in spirituality though, so I will look into the books.
People pack up...especially those who have no self-esteem...and pick on others. You mistake was letting them see it hurt your feelings...like a pack of dogs....they made you the target. Some truly ugly people picked on you...they were mean and heartless, and afriad they'd be picked on if they didn't join the others.
Ask yourself...Why is their opinion even important to me...I was a little child...I felt helpless and it hurt.
Now you are an adult...you can look at this logically...Kids can be totally cruel...WE know now more about bullying...You were bullied. You can now heal yourself, and that shy little picked on kid, you.
Check online for resources that will help you get past those ugly words when you were a child. These a just a few links. There are so many resources online. And, it may help you if you volunteered to help kids now...Check into that...it would be very cathartic. Good luck Adults Recovering from Childhood Bullying How To Heal From Being Bullied - Band Back Together Reclaim Your Authentic Self: 4 Steps to Recover from Bullying or Abuse Recovery from Emotional Abuse and Bullying
People pack up...especially those who have no self-esteem...and pick on others. You mistake was letting them see it hurt your feelings...like a pack of dogs....they made you the target. Some truly ugly people picked on you...they were mean and heartless, and afriad they'd be picked on if they didn't join the others.
Ask yourself...Why is their opinion even important to me...I was a little child...I felt helpless and it hurt.
Now you are an adult...you can look at this logically...Kids can be totally cruel...WE know now more about bullying...You were bullied. You can now heal yourself, and that shy little picked on kid, you.
Check online for resources that will help you get past those ugly words when you were a child. These a just a few links. There are so many resources online. And, it may help you if you volunteered to help kids now...Check into that...it would be very cathartic. Good luck Adults Recovering from Childhood Bullying How To Heal From Being Bullied - Band Back Together Reclaim Your Authentic Self: 4 Steps to Recover from Bullying or Abuse Recovery from Emotional Abuse and Bullying
I tried to not let them see that it was effecting me when it would happen. I wouldn't cry or get angry in front of them, I just took it. Thank you for the websites though, I will read over them.
I tried to not let them see that it was effecting me when it would happen. I wouldn't cry or get angry in front of them, I just took it. Thank you for the websites though, I will read over them.
Your path out of this mess is accepting that you are physically ugly. We all have to accept things about ourselves that are sub-optimal. Being ugly does not prevent a successful life, unless you choose to wallow in self-pity and are hypersensitive to it. Choosing a mindset where you are hyperfocused on your shortcomings is a path to depression and failure.
And DO NOT tell yourself you are wonderful or OK or this or that. That accomplishes nothing. DO STUFF THAT DEFINES YOU AS WORTHWHILE AND OF VALUE. Let ACTION take precedence, and the feelings and mental health will follow.
Self-esteem can only come from what you do, not from your mere existence as a mass of living protoplasm on the planet.
Hoping and praying and wishing will not move the needle on your life, in fact it will reverse the needle downward.
"I'm ugly, eff it, I am going to choose to make a great life for myself anyway. If someone wants to reject me because I don't look "good" enough to them, then screw them, it's their loss, because I am amazing and this is what I've done to prove it:" Insert things you've done here. But first you have to do them.
So man up and get the hell busy and stop looking in the stupid mirror. Teenage girls do that, you shouldn't. There's nothing in the mirror for you, it's elsewhere. And the real truth is: it's also elsewhere for the beautiful people too.
I already do dress nicely (at least in my opinion) and I also take care of myself hygiene wise. I shower, brush my teeth, and wash my hair regularly. I am out of shape though, and I'm working on that.
Sweetie.....
I know that it is hard to believe right now, but at your age, young people are overly focused on looks. Even if you are not great looking (very few of us are), work on what you have, or what you would like to be. You have value as a human being right now, and your looks are only a part of who you are. If you focus on service to others, you will not have time to worry about your looks.
If you can't be good looking, be sweet, be nice, be funny, be charming, be smart, be brave, be helpful. Become a specialist in one or more of these attributes, and you won't go wrong.
People who are very good looking tend to skate -getting by on looks, IMHO. In time, looks will fade, and what will remain? If you try to be the best that you can be with what the Almighty has given you, you are ahead of the game.
If you associate with people who only judge you by your looks, you are hanging with the wrong crowd....
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