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Old 11-19-2015, 12:17 PM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
49,927 posts, read 59,944,601 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SFBayBoomer View Post
True—all ugly—but you named famous people who have plenty of money and , and some women find money and/or fame attractive, so we don't know if that came into play.
They didn't start out rich and famous, but they were always ugly.

So they had to overcome ... something.
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Old 11-19-2015, 12:18 PM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
49,927 posts, read 59,944,601 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Randomguy18 View Post

It's like every time I hear someone talk about how attractive someone is or anything like that, I get reminded of how unattractive I am.
It sounds like you remind yourself.
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Old 11-19-2015, 02:05 PM
 
Location: Philadelphia, PA
4,507 posts, read 4,045,228 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Randomguy18 View Post
I feel like I will never be able to have a healthy sense of self-esteem or confidence. For most of my life I've been reminded that I'm ugly and not attractive. I'm 18 and back when I was in elementary school, I was bullied pretty harshly because of how I looked. Boys and girls alike used to make fun of me and call me ugly. I have pretty much internalized it now. It's easy to say that they were lying or to not believe it, but I didn't see any other kids getting it as bad as me. I can assume that the only reason that they'd make fun of me and call me ugly is because it really is true. The people who actually had good looks never got made fun of, and I can assume that if I had good looks, I wouldn't have gotten made fun of either. It makes me feel bad when I see attractive people because I know they are constantly reminded of how good they look and they probably know it, but I'm the complete opposite and it's not like it's something that I can control, I was literally born this way.
So long as you are healthy and of a healthy figure then the only major thing that could make you ugly is your personality. Which ironically is improved by having confidence that you aren't ugly (ultimately it requires both skill and confidence but you can't build skill without confidence).
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Old 11-19-2015, 02:44 PM
 
710 posts, read 584,584 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Marc Paolella View Post
Your path out of this mess is accepting that you are physically ugly. We all have to accept things about ourselves that are sub-optimal. Being ugly does not prevent a successful life, unless you choose to wallow in self-pity and are hypersensitive to it. Choosing a mindset where you are hyperfocused on your shortcomings is a path to depression and failure.

And DO NOT tell yourself you are wonderful or OK or this or that. That accomplishes nothing. DO STUFF THAT DEFINES YOU AS WORTHWHILE AND OF VALUE. Let ACTION take precedence, and the feelings and mental health will follow.

Self-esteem can only come from what you do, not from your mere existence as a mass of living protoplasm on the planet.

Hoping and praying and wishing will not move the needle on your life, in fact it will reverse the needle downward.

"I'm ugly, eff it, I am going to choose to make a great life for myself anyway. If someone wants to reject me because I don't look "good" enough to them, then screw them, it's their loss, because I am amazing and this is what I've done to prove it:" Insert things you've done here. But first you have to do them.

So man up and get the hell busy and stop looking in the stupid mirror. Teenage girls do that, you shouldn't. There's nothing in the mirror for you, it's elsewhere. And the real truth is: it's also elsewhere for the beautiful people too.
I never said that I didn't plan to do worthwhile things with my life though. Just because I don't feel attractive doesn't mean that I want to be a loser. I agree that confidence doesn't strictly come from how one looks, but a lot of people can feel confident because they know that they look good and it has been confirmed by other people. The majority of opinions that I have heard about how I look have been by far negative.
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Old 11-19-2015, 03:44 PM
 
11,337 posts, read 11,041,348 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Randomguy18 View Post
I never said that I didn't plan to do worthwhile things with my life though. Just because I don't feel attractive doesn't mean that I want to be a loser. I agree that confidence doesn't strictly come from how one looks, but a lot of people can feel confident because they know that they look good and it has been confirmed by other people. The majority of opinions that I have heard about how I look have been by far negative.
They have been negative because you are ugly. We've already established that. We've also already established that the fact that you are ugly is unimportant as to the value and path that you choose for your life. Lots of ugly people do amazing things and die happy. Be one of them and stop looking in the mirror.

You're ugly. Overcome it.
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Old 11-19-2015, 04:18 PM
 
Location: Southwest Washington State
30,585 posts, read 25,161,541 times
Reputation: 50802
Quote:
Originally Posted by Randomguy18 View Post
I feel like I will never be able to have a healthy sense of self-esteem or confidence. For most of my life I've been reminded that I'm ugly and not attractive. I'm 18 and back when I was in elementary school, I was bullied pretty harshly because of how I looked. Boys and girls alike used to make fun of me and call me ugly. I have pretty much internalized it now. It's easy to say that they were lying or to not believe it, but I didn't see any other kids getting it as bad as me. I can assume that the only reason that they'd make fun of me and call me ugly is because it really is true. The people who actually had good looks never got made fun of, and I can assume that if I had good looks, I wouldn't have gotten made fun of either. It makes me feel bad when I see attractive people because I know they are constantly reminded of how good they look and they probably know it, but I'm the complete opposite and it's not like it's something that I can control, I was literally born this way.
You get really good at something. You become the go to guy in some field or you become the relied upon expert. Getting good at something is a real confidence booster. People who are good looking often rely on their looks to get them by, but those of us who are not good looking know that we have to get by on hard work, smarts and, if we have it, charisma. You find your strengths and you develop them.

And, learning good grooming and how to present yourself is helpful as well. But the best "revenge" is the life well lived. So, live your life well. Don't waste any opportunity.
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Old 11-19-2015, 04:30 PM
 
436 posts, read 446,414 times
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Just remember, there is always others uglier than you. And, there is someone out there waiting for you. **** those that make fun. Enjoy life and disregard *******s. Excuse the foul language. When I am frustrated, mad, or unhappy, I write. It is a cure for all.
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Old 11-19-2015, 05:17 PM
 
Location: Seattle Area
1,716 posts, read 2,035,526 times
Reputation: 4146
Get a mask and pretend?
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Old 11-19-2015, 06:06 PM
 
Location: Southern Illinois
10,363 posts, read 20,799,063 times
Reputation: 15643
I wanted to mention a student of mine. He is 14 and in special ed and when he was a baby in the hospital they had some kind of band around his head that made a dent in his forehead. Other than that dent, or even because of it, he is one of the most beautiful children I've ever seen--he has such beautiful green eyes that he could be on a magazine cover. He is also extraordinarily sensitive and spends a lot of time drawing. Every single day of his life his brother tells him he's ugly and then he goes to school and the kids pick on him there and tell him he's ugly and no doubt that's because he appears to be of a mixed race in a 99% white small town. And yet, nothing could be further from the truth and he absolutely breaks my heart. The kids who really are ugly never get that kind of grief.
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Old 11-19-2015, 06:11 PM
 
Location: NC
4,532 posts, read 8,871,316 times
Reputation: 4754
I think posters gave you some great advice!

You are young. You will realize that you have the power to decide what to do with negative talk you heard when you were younger, or you may hear now.

1. You can choose to let it impact you by getting you down.
2. You can decide to shut it out every time it passes through your mind. You might have to shut this out 100 times a day. But, after a while it will happen less and less.

You have control over your thoughts and how they impact you. Make the decision to not feel bad about your looks. Find something else you have that is superior to any negativity there is about you. Focus on this. And remind yourself, it's the whole person that counts - work on the rest of you to make up this whole allowing you to be the best you can be.

When I a little younger than you, I was painfully shy. One day I decided I didn't want to live with the fear, doubt, etc., and did what I mentioned here. I looked at others who were outgoing, I took tips from them. Eventually it became my reality. I was no longer shy. In fact I have done lots of public speaking and radio voice over work (in the past). It wasn't that difficult, just took focus. Try it!

Looks fade. Some come and go...depending on how we take care of ourselves, what's going on in our lives, our age, etc.. At some point, you may look 1000% better than those you think were attractive in school. Many folks who were good looking in HS are rough looking as they age. Some of the plainest, some say ugly people from HS often end up being the best looking.

As for your eyebrows, you can get tattooed if you really want to change them - fill them in. Although before doing this, I'd more opinions from ppl who can see you. You facial expression can be changed. Sit in front of mirror and practice changing how you rest your face. Maybe smile with your eyes more. Put some work into it to be the best you can be. And to hell with what anyone thinks.
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