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Old 11-20-2015, 12:45 AM
 
Location: The Bubble
11 posts, read 6,928 times
Reputation: 32

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First of all, you ROCK, you've asked a question many have struggled with but couldn't voice, you've obviously put quite a bit of thought in to your situation, and you understand some psychology, so BRAVO!!

Now, while it IS important to consdider the opinion of others, you must also understand that it is YOU who decides what to accept as truth, and YOU who decides what to do with it (internalize it, or not?). Just because people in your life have told you something doesn't make it true, and even if is TRUE, consider accepting that and moving on (maybe you're 'ugly' maybe not, but LOTS of 'ugly,' even physically deformed or injured people, live beautiful, happy, fulfilling lives -but it's a choice.)

So, you're 18, fresh out of the drama filled hell of highschool, and you're figuring out who you are. Take heart! In a sense, the 'life and death' situations you survived in high school are kind of like practice for adulthood, and like high school, there will always be bullies, jerks, and naysayers in life doing what they can to feel better about themselves by putting others down. (PS, appearance and popularity seem much more important now than they will later).

So you have a choice: A) bemoan your lot, accept how others see you, limit yourserlf, your opportunities, your freedom, and stay stagnant, miserable, likely lonely. Or B) turn your attention away from what you think other people see (true or not), discover your talents, interests, gifts, strengths, and your true beauty. Don't try to be someone you're not, especially not for such superficial efforts. Beauty fades, character, wisdom, and what you DO does not. Those who depend on their physical appearance have a shallow and narrow window to find fulfillment, and even if they do, it won't last.

Decide what matters to you, if you focus on what you're not and judge yourself by the image and expectations of others, you will be disappointed and unfullfilled, left dreaming on the sidelines for something that will never come to pass.

Ever watch Game of Thrones? I've only seen a little, but one character stood out to me: Tyrian Lannister, the noble midget bastard (illigetimate son). His character lives in a time of structured hierarchy and rampant judgement. He accepts that he's small, yet he succeeded in finding success, joy, and fulfillment because of it. He shared with another noble bastard that once he accepted he himself was both a midget and a bastard, no one could use it as a weapon against him.

Define yourself by your own standards. Who are you? What's important to you. What do you want, like, love? What are your talents, strengths, and interests? How do you define attractive? Focus on you and you will develop confidence.

:-)
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Old 11-20-2015, 03:22 AM
 
Location: Alexandria, VA, USA
1,110 posts, read 891,763 times
Reputation: 2517
Quote:
Originally Posted by Randomguy18 View Post
That's another problem, I'm not really good at anything. Most people have hobbies or something of that nature that they're good at. I guess I just have to find something. As for getting revenge, I haven't seen the people who did bully me in years, they might not even remember me or care enough to. The only thing I'm happy about is that I don't have to see them or interact with them anymore, but I will never forgive them or forget what they did.
When I was a kid, I was from the projects, I was poor and unpopular. The kids called me "broomstick." I made something of myself, and you can too.

Also, when you get up in the morning, you can rejoice in the fact that you:
  1. Have a roof over your head
  2. Have food
  3. Have two eyes, two legs, two arms
  4. Can speak normally
  5. Have a future with many possibilities.


You do not need to be good at something, you only need to like it, or know that you are needed. If you want to find a different focus, help other people. Volunteer at the local hospital or homeless shelter, for starters. I assure, you no one cares what you look like.

When it comes time for you to reflect on the meaning and sum of your life, will you be saying this: "I did not do anything with myself because I was ugly," or this: "despite me not being so handsome, I was a successful (fill in the blanks) and had a great life. I married, had a great family, and helped a lot of people to be all that they could be."


There is an old native american legend of two wolves being inside each of us:

ONE EVENING, AN ELDERLY CHEROKEE BRAVE TOLD HIS GRANDSON ABOUT A BATTLE THAT GOES ON INSIDE PEOPLE. HE SAID "MY SON, THE BATTLE IS BETWEEN TWO 'WOLVES' INSIDE US ALL.

ONE IS EVIL. IT IS ANGER, ENVY, JEALOUSY, SORROW, REGRET, GREED, ARROGANCE, SELF-PITY, GUILT, RESENTMENT, INFERIORITY, LIES, FALSE PRIDE, SUPERIORITY, AND EGO.

THE OTHER IS GOOD. IT IS JOY, PEACE LOVE, HOPE SERENITY, HUMILITY, KINDNESS, BENEVOLENCE, EMPATHY, GENEROSITY, TRUTH, COMPASSION AND FAITH."

THE GRANDSON THOUGH ABOUT IT FOR A MINUTE AND THEN ASKED HIS GRANDFATHER: "WHICH WOLF WINS?..."

THE OLD CHEROKEE SIMPLY REPLIED,..... "THE ONE THAT YOU FEED."

Tale of Two Wolves - Nanticoke Indian Association
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Old 11-20-2015, 09:32 AM
 
Location: Indianapolis IN
31 posts, read 38,779 times
Reputation: 29
After all these suggestions by well wishing people (52 replies!), you might consider the possibility that you like to use this 'sad story' about yourself to get some pity and a lot of attention. You seem to just come back with a "Yeah, BUT...." to every post here. Have a good day!
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Old 11-20-2015, 10:47 AM
 
215 posts, read 184,849 times
Reputation: 276
The subconscious is asserting itself

And it doesn't help that many people here are adding fuel to it with "You ARE ugly! Oh well!"
People in this thread make me want to vomit
We haven't even a picture to go by
Nor should we ever need one, people just ought to be nicer to others

I'll tell you why
Because a person who's made ugly will have his or her vengeance on society

We need strong, nice people in society
not weak judgemental rats seeking power over others

Mods or Randomguy18 please close this thread I'm tired of talking about this
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Old 11-20-2015, 10:49 AM
 
5,198 posts, read 5,264,151 times
Reputation: 13249
I have a question:

How can you achieve great things without confidence?


Will the OP in his current mental state be able to do this?


Chicken or egg? Confidence or great achievements?
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Old 11-20-2015, 10:56 AM
 
215 posts, read 184,849 times
Reputation: 276
Give me some achievements you consider great for a person in America or any other run of the mill country
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Old 11-20-2015, 11:01 AM
 
5,198 posts, read 5,264,151 times
Reputation: 13249
Quote:
Originally Posted by TerraDown View Post
In my entire life (and I'm an older gent) I have never seen a person who was 'ugly.'
Engaging perhaps, but never the word ugly.

Each of us has something interesting about our face and expressions. Especially our eyes. Eyes are the window to the soul, and I believe that long ago expression.

Children say things that are quite cruel, and later on in life they realize this and develop true social skills.

Don't fret over things long past, think of your future. You are a young, vibrant person who is entering the world with all kinds of new things to offer within.

If someone else doesn't recognize that, then they were not worth your time of day my friend.


You have never seen an ugly person?


I was born with strabismus (crossed eyes).


No, my eyes were not the window to the soul - I would not make eye contact with people for fear that I would see the look of disgust on their faces.


I have had surgeries to correct this, but the scars (physical and emotional) remain. I hate making eye contact to this day.


This is a great attempt at a pep talk, but it's not totally true.
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Old 11-20-2015, 11:02 AM
 
5,198 posts, read 5,264,151 times
Reputation: 13249
Quote:
Originally Posted by Wannabeliber View Post
Give me some achievements you consider great for a person in America or any other run of the mill country


My question was in response to those people who say, "Get good at something". How can he if his confidence is shot?


It doesn't matter what that something is.
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Old 11-20-2015, 11:10 AM
 
215 posts, read 184,849 times
Reputation: 276
"It doesn't matter what that something is."

Bingo! Someone's gotta be happy doing what they do and living their (one) life
Whatever it is
Confidence in oneself
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Old 11-20-2015, 11:59 AM
 
5,462 posts, read 3,021,550 times
Reputation: 3271
Quote:
Originally Posted by Randomguy18 View Post
I feel like I will never be able to have a healthy sense of self-esteem or confidence. For most of my life I've been reminded that I'm ugly and not attractive. I'm 18 and back when I was in elementary school, I was bullied pretty harshly because of how I looked. Boys and girls alike used to make fun of me and call me ugly. I have pretty much internalized it now. It's easy to say that they were lying or to not believe it, but I didn't see any other kids getting it as bad as me. I can assume that the only reason that they'd make fun of me and call me ugly is because it really is true. The people who actually had good looks never got made fun of, and I can assume that if I had good looks, I wouldn't have gotten made fun of either. It makes me feel bad when I see attractive people because I know they are constantly reminded of how good they look and they probably know it, but I'm the complete opposite and it's not like it's something that I can control, I was literally born this way.
Do you think Trump is good looking? yet he got a hottest girl by his side and a would be POTUS..
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