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Old 11-26-2015, 07:37 PM
 
828 posts, read 903,918 times
Reputation: 2197

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I know what some of your circumstances feel like. But please remember that constantly comparing yourself to others is a recipe for disaster. You'll never be happy if you take your cue from others. If I tried that, I'd be dead by now. I am not kidding, I mean I'd be dead. I just remember that God has a plan for each of us. When He bestows favor upon me, it does not have to resemble someone else's. It is His unique plan for me.

Really, who cares that your friend got $160 in groceries. Why does that upset you? It can inspire you, if you let it. Hell, it inspires me that someone was that generous to a stranger. I wish there were more people like that. It inspires me to be more generous.

It reminds me of the saying that love is the only thing that multiplies when divided. Your friend getting a good break does not lessen your chances of getting a good break, or being happy.
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Old 11-26-2015, 11:11 PM
 
Location: Silicon Valley
18,813 posts, read 32,358,949 times
Reputation: 38573
If your friend is truly that well-off, nobody would give them free groceries. So, I think she lied.

I was a single working mom, too. Just don't expect help. Work with what you have. Don't spend time with anyone who irritates you. We didn't have facebook back then, but I also encourage you to stop reading that person's facebook page. I think she's full of it. No need to read anything that irritates you.

Kids love pizza. They don't need an expensive Thanksgiving dinner. Just go buy a bake-at-home pizza and rent a couple cheap movies and enjoy yourselves. One thing I did with my daughter was to have a "picnic" on the living room floor every Sunday. There were old Tarzan movies on every Sunday. I'd buy us a pizza and we'd sit on the blanket and call it a picnic and watch Tarzan.

Another thing we did was we'd "camp" in my old VW squareback in the driveway of our home. We'd read books with a flashlight in sleeping bags. If we got tired of sleeping in the car, we'd just go back inside to our beds.

We also would ride the bus from the bus station until it came back to the station.

There are a lot of free or really cheap things you can do. No need to try to keep up with the Joneses. Work with what you have and try to be grateful. And avoid anything and anyone that brings you down. You'll be happier, as will your kids.
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Old 11-27-2015, 01:02 AM
 
10,226 posts, read 7,528,912 times
Reputation: 23155
Quote:
Originally Posted by LowonLuck View Post
I am struggling today with feeling thankful. I know I should just be thankful that my kids and I are healthy, and for now we have warm beds and a roof over our heads.

However, I can't help getting a little upset over a Facebook friend posting that a kind man bought her $160 worth of groceries, out of the kindness of his heart. I agree this was an incredible gesture. But why does it not happen to those that need it?

She lives in a half million dollar home, owns her own business and her husband has a really high paying career. While, I had to charge my groceries for today's dinner, and I would be truly thankful if I could pay all my bills in the same month they are due. The $160 would have been an incredible blessing.

I can't help but think some people have all the luck, while others are meant to struggle every step of the way. Next year has to be my year!

When you have the opportunity to give this holiday season, please remember the single mom that may not be receiving child support and struggling to even buy groceries, let alone gifts for her children this Christmas.
That woman shouldn't have accepted that gift, and instead asked him to give it to someone who needs it. I would have. Maybe she turned around and contributed to a charity, instead. Or maybe not. If she's a friend of yours and knows your circumstances, she should've passed it on to you, or part of it. She didn't, so she's either not a real friend, or she's lying. Why would anyone buy her groceries, since she wouldn't look down and out, and if they knew her, they'd know she doesn't need it. Doesn't make sense. As Judge Judy says, if it doesn't make sense, it's not true.

As for your needs, there are programs that help with getting toys for the kids for Christmas.

If you are poor enough, you may qualify for a few food stamps to help out. People who work sometimes still qualify for food stamps.

There are other programs so kids won't go without food. I'm not familiar with them, but you can Google that for your city and see what's available. Chips or Snap or something come to mind.

If you want to get lucky next year, do something about your situation. For one thing, be sure and don't have another baby. You are pressed for money in large part because you have more children than you can afford. Second, take steps to get a higher paying job. I know you'll have reasons not to. There are always reasons not to. But you need to do that, anyway. If you don't know how to do anything other than what you do, then you need to learn a skill. People with skills get paid more. Third, if you can't get a higher paying job, then you need to work more hours.

That is how people pay for things and "get lucky." I used to be very poor. I was working min. wage jobs and couldn't afford to buy meat. I made my way out of that predicament and ended up getting paid very well (by my standards). I did have help for a while in that I was able to stay with my mother for a while, and then my brother took care of my dog while I went out of state to a special school (my mother loaned me money for the school, which I later paid back).

Do you have family to help you? Having three kids before you're settled into making a living is a hardship. But in order to better your situation, you have to take steps to do something else. Or things will stay the same.

If the father(s) of your kids don't pay child support, are they in jail? Have you done everything possible to take care of that problem? Are their wages garnished and such?

If you get a better job and start getting some child support, then you really will get lucky in the future. I found that waiting for good things to happen just didn't work for me. I wish it did. But it didn't. I had to make my own "luck."

Last edited by bpollen; 11-27-2015 at 01:13 AM..
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Old 11-27-2015, 01:09 AM
 
35,095 posts, read 51,078,580 times
Reputation: 62664
Quote:
Originally Posted by LowonLuck View Post
I am sure she will pass it on, if she has not already.

Why are you complaining about her not needing or deserving it then?

Quote:
Originally Posted by LowonLuck View Post
Yes, this.

I just do the best that I can. It just gets frustrating when others have it way easier and then there is me. everything is 2 steps forward, three back. It gets old.

Next year is my year. I won't say it can't get worse, because every time, I have said that...it got worse. 2016 is going to be different. It has to be.


Perhaps you should remember those who have it worse than you, it could end your frustration.
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Old 11-27-2015, 01:22 AM
 
10,226 posts, read 7,528,912 times
Reputation: 23155
Quote:
Originally Posted by LowonLuck View Post
I realize this. This is where the luck or lack of luck comes into play.
I don't believe in luck. I know you're feeling down, but when you're feeling better, realize that people make their own luck. People who have more than you often did things to earn those things. Things that were unpleasant, stressful, and were difficult to do. Some people have things handed to them on a silver platter. That will always be the case.

I'm sure you've had so-called luck in your life. Whether it was not being abused or having decent parents or being attractive or having a break you didn't deserve. But then you've had hens come home to roost, too. Like we all do.

I've never had anyone give me money for food, either. And there were times I could've used it. I didn't charge the food because I didn't have a charge card. If I didn't have the money, I just bought canned green bean or whatever.

As for charging your food, are you talking about Thanksgiving dinner? There are places that will let those in need eat Thanksgiving dinner for free. There is even a cafe in our city that is feeding people for free for Thanksgiving. The line is very long. But that's because the need is great.

We live in great times in that people can work out of their homes and make just a little extra money. Youtube videos, selling odds and ends on Ebay (you can buy those things at garage sales and sell them on Ebay).

I wish you the best.
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Old 11-27-2015, 02:16 AM
 
Location: Los Angeles
2,914 posts, read 2,677,330 times
Reputation: 2450
The poorest people of today live better than the richest people of 125 years ago. Central heat, air conditioning, refrigerator, phone, TV, electricity, washer and dryer access, groceries on demand, etc. And do you have a car?
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Old 11-27-2015, 02:48 AM
 
1,562 posts, read 1,485,613 times
Reputation: 2686
Quote:
Originally Posted by bpollen View Post
That woman shouldn't have accepted that gift, and instead asked him to give it to someone who needs it. I would have. Maybe she turned around and contributed to a charity, instead. Or maybe not. If she's a friend of yours and knows your circumstances, she should've passed it on to you, or part of it. She didn't, so she's either not a real friend, or she's lying. Why would anyone buy her groceries, since she wouldn't look down and out, and if they knew her, they'd know she doesn't need it. Doesn't make sense. As Judge Judy says, if it doesn't make sense, it's not true.
I don't see anything wrong with someone accepting a gift that's offered to them, regardless of their circumstances. By your reasoning, in order to be considered a "real friend", a person of means should pass along anything they receive to a less fortunate friend.

As to why the gentleman paid for her groceries, he probably just wanted to do something nice for someone. I've been in restaurants and paid for other's meals before. Not because they looked down and out or needed help, but because they seemed like decent people. Lots of people do this.


I think the real problem, OP, is that you're waiting for "luck" to come by and change your life, rather than taking the necessary steps to change it yourself. It's a futile mindset. 2016 isn't going to be better magically just because it's a new year; you have to make it better. While there are a few things out of our control, by and large our situation in life is determined by the choices we make. Rather than lament that someone else was given $160, you should focus on finding a way to bring another $160 into your own household this week.
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Old 11-27-2015, 04:43 AM
 
8,170 posts, read 6,015,240 times
Reputation: 5963
Quote:
Originally Posted by NoMoreSnowForMe View Post
If your friend is truly that well-off, nobody would give them free groceries. So, I think she lied.

I was a single working mom, too. Just don't expect help. Work with what you have. Don't spend time with anyone who irritates you. We didn't have facebook back then, but I also encourage you to stop reading that person's facebook page. I think she's full of it. No need to read anything that irritates you.

Kids love pizza. They don't need an expensive Thanksgiving dinner. Just go buy a bake-at-home pizza and rent a couple cheap movies and enjoy yourselves. One thing I did with my daughter was to have a "picnic" on the living room floor every Sunday. There were old Tarzan movies on every Sunday. I'd buy us a pizza and we'd sit on the blanket and call it a picnic and watch Tarzan.

Another thing we did was we'd "camp" in my old VW squareback in the driveway of our home. We'd read books with a flashlight in sleeping bags. If we got tired of sleeping in the car, we'd just go back inside to our beds.

We also would ride the bus from the bus station until it came back to the station.

There are a lot of free or really cheap things you can do. No need to try to keep up with the Joneses. Work with what you have and try to be grateful. And avoid anything and anyone that brings you down. You'll be happier, as will your kids.
A liar she is not. The guy was behind her in line. I would assume he did not even ask her what her financial situation was, he was just being generous. Heck, she might have been wearing yoga pants and looking poor for al I know.

I must not come across as poor as I really am, because I am just not lucky enough to get rewarded with other peoples generosity. I have to accept that and it really is what it is. Just sucks most of the time.

I have never been so bored that I have to ride a bus until I get back right where I started. We suffer from lack of money to buy food, heat and clothes, not boredom.

We eat pizza often. It is are go to meal when we need quick. I keep 5 in the freezer at all times. My kids are sick of pizza.
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Old 11-27-2015, 04:49 AM
 
8,170 posts, read 6,015,240 times
Reputation: 5963
Quote:
Originally Posted by wonderwall View Post
I know what some of your circumstances feel like. But please remember that constantly comparing yourself to others is a recipe for disaster. You'll never be happy if you take your cue from others. If I tried that, I'd be dead by now. I am not kidding, I mean I'd be dead. I just remember that God has a plan for each of us. When He bestows favor upon me, it does not have to resemble someone else's. It is His unique plan for me.

Really, who cares that your friend got $160 in groceries. Why does that upset you? It can inspire you, if you let it. Hell, it inspires me that someone was that generous to a stranger. I wish there were more people like that. It inspires me to be more generous.

It reminds me of the saying that love is the only thing that multiplies when divided. Your friend getting a good break does not lessen your chances of getting a good break, or being happy.
When I say lots of crappy things have happened to me, I am not exaggerating. More things than most people. Horrific things. I had my current boyfriend crying one night when I was sharing things with him. Many would have already quit life, but nope I keep going and trying. Nothing goes smooth in my life and I think people are no longer even shocked or surprised when the next crisis happens, because, well it has become the story of my life. I must have really pissed god off at some point in time, because he never has my back. But it is what it is.
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Old 11-27-2015, 05:00 AM
 
8,170 posts, read 6,015,240 times
Reputation: 5963
Quote:
Originally Posted by bpollen View Post
That woman shouldn't have accepted that gift, and instead asked him to give it to someone who needs it. I would have. Maybe she turned around and contributed to a charity, instead. Or maybe not. If she's a friend of yours and knows your circumstances, she should've passed it on to you, or part of it. She didn't, so she's either not a real friend, or she's lying. Why would anyone buy her groceries, since she wouldn't look down and out, and if they knew her, they'd know she doesn't need it. Doesn't make sense. As Judge Judy says, if it doesn't make sense, it's not true.

As for your needs, there are programs that help with getting toys for the kids for Christmas.

If you are poor enough, you may qualify for a few food stamps to help out. People who work sometimes still qualify for food stamps.

There are other programs so kids won't go without food. I'm not familiar with them, but you can Google that for your city and see what's available. Chips or Snap or something come to mind.

If you want to get lucky next year, do something about your situation. For one thing, be sure and don't have another baby. You are pressed for money in large part because you have more children than you can afford. Second, take steps to get a higher paying job. I know you'll have reasons not to. There are always reasons not to. But you need to do that, anyway. If you don't know how to do anything other than what you do, then you need to learn a skill. People with skills get paid more. Third, if you can't get a higher paying job, then you need to work more hours.

That is how people pay for things and "get lucky." I used to be very poor. I was working min. wage jobs and couldn't afford to buy meat. I made my way out of that predicament and ended up getting paid very well (by my standards). I did have help for a while in that I was able to stay with my mother for a while, and then my brother took care of my dog while I went out of state to a special school (my mother loaned me money for the school, which I later paid back).

Do you have family to help you? Having three kids before you're settled into making a living is a hardship. But in order to better your situation, you have to take steps to do something else. Or things will stay the same.

If the father(s) of your kids don't pay child support, are they in jail? Have you done everything possible to take care of that problem? Are their wages garnished and such?

If you get a better job and start getting some child support, then you really will get lucky in the future. I found that waiting for good things to happen just didn't work for me. I wish it did. But it didn't. I had to make my own "luck."
She probably has no idea of my situation. She is a friend that I see every few years. Heck she may have been dressed looking like she is down and out. Apparently, people think I have money. Looks can be very deceiving.

I make too much for foodstamps. SNAP is food stamps. My kids are too old for Wic.

I am not young. I was too old having my last child. I am getting close to the tail end of my 30's and 40 year olds have no business having kids. So i am done with having babies.

My parents do not help me financially. They do help babysit the little one so I can get away with part time daycare.

Child support? I applied, it was ordered and I did collect it for a little while. He was approved to have his support lowered significantly. Child support does not even come close to covering a kids expenses. The judicial system is so messed up.

I will keep looking for the better job. I saw some add that blogging pays well. I am going to look into that today. I could write blogs.
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