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What are your experiences with playful teasing? In your opinion, is it something I should have grown out of? Where do you think it might be acceptable to engage in this?
......kmb501, I'm guessing, and I'm just guessing, your more on the conservative side. I grew up and bullying was just a way of life. My best of friends would do this to me and it would confuse me. I think I realized it was just like when my brother 'rough housed' with me. It was to toughen me up. Just like my brother beat me up, yet stood up for me against other bullies(if he wasn't mad at me). My friends and I could trash talk each other, but would defend each other if someone out side our group verbally assaulted us. Having some of the same issues as you, I had to learn what was off limits and for who, as I did this with female friends once I got the hang of it. Trust me, you will purposely loose to your female friends a lot if you do this; they're just as cruel, but they aren't geared the same.
......I have immature conservative friends, 'men' as we call them, that I still do this with. But again you have to know when to draw the line and when you are doing it too much. Around the mid 2000's political correctness started rearing it ugly head and we have the majority of America without a since of humor. There is a define line between bullying and this, my friends have crossed this with me and my condition so I gotten good at knowing where it was. Given your location and age, I think I understand what you are talking about.
Hear is a fail, that popped into my mined for some reason.
Can you give some examples of the playful teasing you mom engaged in?
She would call me her "baby" and treat me like a much younger child at times. There was other more harsh stuff that she did that I didn't like, but I actually miss that. I let children my own age get away with much more than I let her get away with, though.
A LOT of women like playful teasing, it's probably the thing that turns them on the most besides sense of humor, so I don't think it's particularly odd by any means. It puts people at ease and creates positive emotions when done property, and can be quite stimulating. It's not something that many men are the best at, particularly the "provider males" .. the chads, alphas, and others who have bedded hundreds of women have teasing down to an artform after going through so many women, they know exactly what turns them on.. thus the rule you sometimes hear about 20% of men getting to have sex with 80% of women.. women have a fairly predictable set of traits that turn them on, but not all men are good at it. They like confidence, teasing, they like naughty bad boys that are "stimulating" along with edginess and brashness... these are learned behavior traits that women mistakenly think will give their offspring a better chance at survival... they often have kids out of wedlock with such bad boys in their 20's before realizing these bad boys don't make the best providers.. why would a man who can get any woman he wants settle down when men are primarily driven by sex?
A LOT of women like playful teasing, it's probably the thing that turns them on the most besides sense of humor, so I don't think it's particularly odd by any means. It puts people at ease and creates positive emotions when done property, and can be quite stimulating. It's not something that many men are the best at, particularly the "provider males" .. the chads, alphas, and others who have bedded hundreds of women have teasing down to an artform after going through so many women, they know exactly what turns them on.. thus the rule you sometimes hear about 20% of men getting to have sex with 80% of women.. women have a fairly predictable set of traits that turn them on, but not all men are good at it. They like confidence, teasing, they like naughty bad boys that are "stimulating" along with edginess and brashness... these are learned behavior traits that women mistakenly think will give their offspring a better chance at survival... they often have kids out of wedlock with such bad boys in their 20's before realizing these bad boys don't make the best providers.. why would a man who can get any woman he wants settle down when men are primarily driven by sex?
Yeah...this might all be related to sex drive, in which case I should stop seeking this? Now, I feel a bit dirty. I don't think playing with friends is related to that, though, really. It might be somehow, but I never saw it like that when I was a kid. I guess now that I'm an adult, my eyes should be opened, though. I should stop obsessing and daydreaming about it, because it's just part of misplaced desire, perhaps. It seems like I have a lot of that going on. I still don't see it as a bad thing, though, but thanks for giving me perspective at how other people might look at it. A guy who does it to me might certainly think I'm available sexually, which isn't really my intent. Seeking another woman to do it to me as an adult, even though this behavior is quite common during the teen years, might make her think I desire her? I guess it's a possibility, since another poster said that these desires seem masochistic. It seems like normal people think that everything fun is related to sex and therefore sinful. I don't understand why people act like they HAVE to make themselves miserable.
A LOT of women like playful teasing, it's probably the thing that turns them on the most besides sense of humor, so I don't think it's particularly odd by any means. It puts people at ease and creates positive emotions when done property, and can be quite stimulating. It's not something that many men are the best at, particularly the "provider males" .. the chads, alphas, and others who have bedded hundreds of women have teasing down to an artform after going through so many women, they know exactly what turns them on.. thus the rule you sometimes hear about 20% of men getting to have sex with 80% of women.. women have a fairly predictable set of traits that turn them on, but not all men are good at it. They like confidence, teasing, they like naughty bad boys that are "stimulating" along with edginess and brashness... these are learned behavior traits that women mistakenly think will give their offspring a better chance at survival... they often have kids out of wedlock with such bad boys in their 20's before realizing these bad boys don't make the best providers.. why would a man who can get any woman he wants settle down when men are primarily driven by sex?
Confidence is sexy. Teasing isn't part of that. I see this male behavior u r talking about in very specific groups of males- very poor or very well off, and usually conservatives. It's like trying to put a woman in her place. Then the woman giggles and goes brainless making all right w humanity in all parties' minds. Ignoring these behaviors in exchange for equal power exchange can make an alpha very uncomfortable very quickly. Or worse, make him angry or berate the woman.
But I always thought an "alpha" WAS aprovider? I guess our definitions vary....
Quote:
Originally Posted by kmb501
Yeah...this might all be related to sex drive, in which case I should stop seeking this? Now, I feel a bit dirty. I don't think playing with friends is related to that, though, really. It might be somehow, but I never saw it like that when I was a kid. I guess now that I'm an adult, my eyes should be opened, though. I should stop obsessing and daydreaming about it, because it's just part of misplaced desire, perhaps. It seems like I have a lot of that going on. I still don't see it as a bad thing, though, but thanks for giving me perspective at how other people might look at it. A guy who does it to me might certainly think I'm available sexually, which isn't really my intent. Seeking another woman to do it to me as an adult, even though this behavior is quite common during the teen years, might make her think I desire her? I guess it's a possibility, since another poster said that these desires seem masochistic. It seems like normal people think that everything fun is related to sex and therefore sinful. I don't understand why people act like they HAVE to make themselves miserable.
Sex is not sinful (or I am not "normal.") Masochism doesnt only apply to sex. And who cares if it does as long as ur happy
Please get some counseling. You sound a bit masochistic. There are other, better, ways to get attention than having someone bully you, mock you, and encourage others to do the same.
Agree. And to be daydreaming/fantasizing about it??? All of it sounds really concerning ...
Agree. And to be daydreaming/fantasizing about it??? All of it sounds really concerning ...
And to be honest, a tad creepy.
I guess it all sounds creepy if you never really get to know people. I'm like that. I sometimes just think about what I could do with new people based on how they interact with their friends and leave it at that. I'm really shy when it comes to actually talking to people. Yeah, I know. That's weird, but it's like I know I can't do it. In my mind, it would be easier for me to write a story or poem about getting to know a guy or another girl than for me to actually try it. Social situations are things that I stumble through, and I rarely get what I want. Instead, I'm usually taken advantage of or sidelined as an acquaintance.
Having ASD, it's easier for me to take criticism when it's made into a game. I guess that's where liking the teasing comes from.
My wife comes from a pretty stressful childhood milieu and finds endless hilarity in the absurd. Sometimes in doing so she doesn't know when to friggin' stop. Some things are hilarious the first time, funny the second time, boring the 3rd time and annoying as heck thereafter. There is an element of self absorption in this kind of "knocking yourself out" for some but for her I think it's a way to calm herself when she's anxious about something. Like you, it's a way of laughing at yourself and defusing tension. But it would be easy to feel set upon by this kind of behavior. Also the OP mentions that she can't find someone to "play with" in this way. Well adults mostly lose their sense of playfulness so I would not approach the vast majority of adults as playmates.
In my own experience I have found it best to keep the things that crack me up mostly to myself. It's less fun that way, but I also have given people reason to judge me for my sense of humor, my interests, etc., and I don't care to give them that opportunity, given how much they've misused it.
teasing of any kind can be called harassment or bullying in todays world, particularly in the workplace
childhood teasing has led to many adults being pretty screwed up
the intention may be light hearted teasing,,,,but it may be received as bullying or harassment
think of the fat kid in the school class,,,asking him or her how many donuts they had this morning...
yep, today that sounds mean and like harassment or bullying..
now under certain circumstances,,,trading barbs can be entertaining,,,,,,but I still stay away particularly if its a woman,, (everything is their interpretation,,,no matter what)
and even if she is launching comical arrows of teasing in a social environment,,,the guy has to be very careful of launching an arrow back
at a work Christmas party - many around the table after a couple drinks,,,,,this woman is teasing and tells this guy he is a male "c" word.... she said the word.... she was teasing him,,,well, he smiled and said well, I'm sure at times you can be a bytch" - they don't work together or know each other that well,,,
well, one lady at the table exclaimed I work for her and she can be a total b-----!!! then she got quiet,,
the next day at work she filed a harassment complaint against the guy that said she could be a b----
we were outraged at her ,,,and all the ladies around the tabe stuck up for this guy and went to h.r. and said SHE called him a "male C" first teasing him.... and he just responding with something not half as bad..
that didn't matter,,,,,,once she got offended by him,, it was harassment,,,,,didn't seem to matter what she said
and the guy got a week off without pay and demoted two positions
the company was scared to death this harassment crap would go public
from that point on......I take the advice of the "corporate culture facilitators" "men,,,do not even talk to women at the workplace about socializing, do not comment on what she is wearing,,,never give a female a compliment... in public,,,, and never have an attractive lady one on one in your office,,
so teasing.......doesn't happen with me anymore......it use to we use to have some fun in the workplace years ago and laugh,,,but the world is toooo pc now
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I don't understand why people act like they HAVE to make themselves miserable.
