Trolls/Nasty People on the Internet (humans, thoughts, parent, issues)
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Yes being behind a computer emboldens bullies...My niece was featured in a major New York paper over the tragic death of her dog and the whole point was to warn other dog owners to prevent this from happening...the cruel comments people left on the on-line edition was truly disheartening and some downright disturbing... a lot of sick people out there and the internet gives them a platform...
I guess the forums I visit rarely have simple information questions like "what's the best way to save for retirement?" I more frequently see things like:
I asked this girl from my company out and she said no. But then twice when I saw her at work she said hello to me. So I asked her out again, because she clearly wants me, right? But she said she wasn't interested! But then she said hello to me in a meeting we both ended up attending. So I sent her like 15 texts about getting together, and she ignored me, then said to leave her alone. Why do b*tches play with us like that?
or
My brother has been a heroin addict for 15 years. He's been in jail for theft (sometimes from family members) about 6 times. He borrowed money from me like 3 times in the past, but never paid it back and I'm sure it went into his arm. Then I saw him last month, and he looked pretty good and I had the Christmas spirit, so I invited him to stay at my house for Christmas. Now he's squatting in my spare room with two friends I don't even know, and refuses to leave, and now my electronics keep disappearing. How can I convince him that he's a toxic person, and probably a narcissist, and that he needs to go to therapy or move out?
or
I have been unemployed for a year. I finally just got a job offer, but here's the problem, I lied on my resume about two past jobs. Do you think they'll find this in a background check? How can I prevent that from happening? Oh, and I've been smoking weed for the past 3 months straight--how can I beat the mandatory drug test?
Some posts beg for blunt, reality-based responses.
And then, when they don't like the responses, they come back, and write up different posts to ask the same questions, get caught out other posters who reference the other threads, which derails the threads....yikes.
My criteria for polite dialogue is simple. Would you speak to your co-workers, boss the same way? If not, then you're probably being a jerk.
This is NOT an excuse for incivility, but the big difference is that someone speaking to one or two people they know is not the same as someone posting on a world-wide (at least in theory) forum that exists to facilitate dialogue, with the assumption that most/all of it is anonymous.
In one case they're speaking to people that know them and have a sense of context, while in the other they're 'crowdsourcing' opinion.
Were someone to step into the middle of a crowd at a mall or stadium and start voicing their opinion unsolicited, they'd probably get a wide range of responses too.
And FWIW, anonymous venting on a forum like this is almost always an invite for disaster. Venting, IMHO, is over-rated anyway.
Last edited by elhelmete; 01-07-2016 at 10:15 AM..
I don't know Mr. Analyst, you may be right but the moderators here seem to run a pretty tight ship.
No doubt, they do. However, being a condescending jerk isn't considered a violation of the TOS by most mods, it seems. So unless you start blatantly name calling, usually the condescending jerks are able to get away with this type of behavior. And it seems to be applauded, because again, in the name of "keeping it real".
It just makes for a more bitter, tense environment. The vast majority of threads devolve into some form of bickering. It'd be nice if it wasn't that way. More people may find this place useful , as opposed to a cheap form of entertainment.
This is NOT an excuse for incivility, but the big difference is that someone speaking to one or two people they know is not the same as someone posting on a world-wide (at least in theory) forum that exists to facilitate dialogue, with the assumption that most/all of it is anonymous.
In one case they're speaking to people that know them and have a sense of context, while in the other they're 'crowdsourcing' opinion.
Were someone to step into the middle of a crowd at a mall or stadium and start voicing their opinion unsolicited, they'd probably get a wide range of responses too.
A wide range of responses does not equate to a wide range of rude, condescending responses. That's my point. You can voice your opposing opinion on a subject without being a condescending jerk about it. People here need to practice that more, as opposed to sounding frustrated and annoyed that anyone dare ask a question so beneath them. All you have to do is look at the stalemate we have in Congress to reveal what this type of behavior is good for; it's good for nothing. It leads to no positive productive outcome.
I agree about the venting part. That seems to stir up the most emotional distress on forums like this, because usually it's over a hot-button issue that many people hold close to their hearts. Those threads rarely end well IME.
Somehow I ended up looking at a thread in the Atlanta forum, I don't live in Atlanta or have any particular interest in the area but I landed there. The poster was homeless and desperate for a place to live, here's the thread: //www.city-data.com/forum/atlan...ing-hotel.html
I've seen at least 100 threads like that and they usually end up filled with comments like: "we don't need you here, we have enough people on welfare" or "you only have yourself to blame for this" I just wonder why that thread was different and didn't turn in to a giant pile on of poor shaming and scolding?
Off topic a bit, but that thread was different in that the OP didn't come out and blame his problem on circumstances beyond his control, he wasn't fishing for sympathy, asking for ways to feed off the system or using any of the other tactics that set a lot of people off in similar threads.
Actually I think it was his 'blunt' statement of the facts without a lot of embellishment that probably kept that from going off the rails. Nothing brings out the wolves quicker than someone posting looking for a pity party, lol.
Off topic a bit, but that thread was different in that the OP didn't come out and blame his problem on circumstances beyond his control, he wasn't fishing for sympathy, asking for ways to feed off the system or using any of the other tactics that set a lot of people off in similar threads.
Actually I think it was his 'blunt' statement of the facts without a lot of embellishment that probably kept that from going off the rails. Nothing brings out the wolves quicker than someone posting looking for a pity party, lol.
Maybe in some cases, but certainly not the majority. I can't help but think that in many cases people who unleash on others in an online forum must feel totally powerless and out of control in their personal lives and beating up on strangers gives them some temporary reprieve from their miserable lives. I can make a very benign remark in a thread and have it countered with comments like "well aren't you a special kind of stupid" or "you liar". And to be honest, on C-D I think that kind of dialog is becoming so common that it's no longer even thought of as being inappropriate.
What are your thoughts about these types of individuals? Do you notice them? Why do you think they act this way? Is it anonymity alone that makes me like this? Or is it the anonymity paired with a life that they are currently not happy with?
That might just be the first time I've ever seen a Freudian slip actually typed out.
Maybe in some cases, but certainly not the majority. I can't help but think that in many cases people who unleash on others in an online forum must feel totally powerless and out of control in their personal lives and beating up on strangers gives them some temporary reprieve from their miserable lives. I can make a very benign remark in a thread and have it countered with comments like "well aren't you a special kind of stupid" or "you liar". And to be honest, on C-D I think that kind of dialog is becoming so common that it's no longer even thought of as being inappropriate.
I have never, in all my years here, seen the bold text anywhere. Wow. Do you report them? In my experience, mods are pretty quick to take care of any issues.
I do stay away from the Politics and current event forums though.
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, as opposed to a cheap form of entertainment.
