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Statistics often depict that violence towards one another is on the decline. However, in modern society, it seems that we are exposed to nastiness and violence far more frequently. Through various social media realms, where most individuals interact with one another behind aliases or screen names, people seem to be more comfortable revealing their inner feelings, whether benign or malignant. That said, the Internet more often than not seems to be a cesspool made up of the rudest and most belligerent people.
After listening to a re-run of a podcast episode on This American Life this morning, it got me to thinking about the correlation there seems to be between rudeness and anonymity. I have been a member of this community on and off since 2008. I have witnessed over that time numerous trolls and hostile posters visit this site and harass people. It is really amazing to see what lengths people are willing to go to emotionally traumatize other people whom they have never met, and mostly will never meet.
Personally, I'm not a huge advocate for extreme political correctness or creating safe spaces. However, I'm an advocate for civility. There are many posters I observe on this site who claim that they are "just giving it to us straight". So, my question to them and to others is when did "giving it to us straight" equate to being rude and belligerent towards other people? I think you can "give it to us straight" in a very polite and cordial way. Am I wrong on this?
One of the segments on the podcast I listened to this morning was about a female comedic writer who has been a victim of trolling most of her career, primarily due to people not liking the types of articles she'd produce. In one particular instance, a troll (eventually revealed as a male) went to great lengths to harass her. He even created a Twitter account using her dead father's name and, in the bio, wrote (not verbatim) "Disappointed father of an idiot, but the other two kids are alright". He used this Twitter handle to harass this woman for months. Eventually, it was revealed that the man who did this was not happy with himself at the time. He was 75 lbs overweight, his girlfriend had just left him, and he was not happy at his job. It was not until he started making positive efforts to change his life that he began to venture away from his troll habits.
I've heard this podcast episode twice now, and it always gets me thinking about this particular forum. There are some great posters here, who always inject an interesting perspective and a polite, sometimes humorous demeanor with their posts. However, there seems to be just as many, or more, posters who feel as if it is there duty to be the biggest jerk on the planet in the name of "just giving it to us straight". Whenever I see these posters, it reminds me of that podcast episode. I start to think about that male poster who went to great lengths to harass the female comedian, and I start to feel bad about these posters here. It just makes me sad for them, that something in their life is probably out of sorts, and that is why they are so rude on this forum. In my experience, happy, satisfied people just don't lash out like that.
What are your thoughts about these types of individuals? Do you notice them? Why do you think they act this way? Is it anonymity alone that makes me like this? Or is it the anonymity paired with a life that they are currently not happy with?
In the course of studying ancient history, I've come to realize that yes, indeed, humanity used to be much, much more violent. Indiscriminate murder, slavery, rape, slaughter and pillage of entire villages and countries, etc. was the norm.
Anonymous internet rudeness does not really register on my "violence meter". Politeness is desired, of course, but rudeness on an internet forum is most decidedly not "violence".
A moderator on another forum I hang out on pointed out once, after a major blowout that led to someone getting expelled from the site, that 93% of the information we would be able to collect by talking to someone face to face is completely lost when we type to each other. It makes it impossible to guess things like tone of voice, what mood the other person is in, and to detect for instance whether the humor they're using is meant sarcastically or whether they mean something humorously at all. If you have an axe to grind about a particular subject and someone makes a comment on it, no matter how neutral or even when you're totally agreeing with them, it's just a lot easier online than in person to take it wrong. And you know how people are -- if they assume you're lashing out at them, they figure all bets are off and they turn into trollsters. And, of course, some people log on wanting to be crusaders and straighten out everyone on the Net who disagrees with them.
I feel strongly that honesty and brutality are two different things. And so far on the net we have not developed a set of rules to govern communications -- like ask "is this what you meant?" before you get angry about what you thought they said. The few who take the time to check their perceptions are so refreshing after dealing with a bunch of head-biter-offers.
I'll never forget the time I found a discussion at this site about the paleo diet and someone mentioned paleo cookies. I asked if there really was such a thing as a paleo cookie, because I thought it was a very strict diet without desserts, and instead of just saying "yes" someone told me I had "lifted my leg and urinated" on the diet that he followed faithfully and had good results with. That's not even a rare example, of course. Just everyone calm down!
But people take things so personally and so seriously on the internet in general, I'm glad we never see each other in person because it feels like it could get violent at any second.
I feel strongly that honesty and brutality are two different things.
Yeah, this right here. I agree.
People come here with different levels of experience and wisdom. So a stupid question to one person may be a sincere question for another person who doesn't know any better. Furthermore, you can be honest and realistic without being a jerk. Some people seem not to understand this concept though. It honestly seems like they are annoyed with anyone who posts on here and their responses are indicative of that (chock full of condescension, scorn, sarcasm, etc.).
My questions to them: Why do you insist on being a jerk when you post? Why can't you just be polite or disregard something if you think it is beneath you to respond to or that the person asking the question is some sort of imbecile?
I have a growing list of posters who seem to have a stick up their behind whenever they respond to someone. They are just plain rude. I get that some threads or OPs on here will seem absolutely juvenile and trivial. If it's going to bother you that much, just don't respond to it. But they do respond, and they respond to you like you are the biggest idiot on the face of the planet that has absolutely disrupted their day.
Personally, I think that people who respond this way are generally unhappy in life. This one particular poster I've encountered more often than I'd like is like this. I ventured over to the poster's blog just to get a better idea of who they are, and discovered that they are going through some major medical issues. So my impression is that this person is going through a rough period, and since they are not happy in their personal life, the vitriol and scornfulness comes out when they respond to others.
I think that anonymity partly explains the increased tendency to be rude online. After all, we're all strangers and can treat other strangers however we like without any repercussions (save getting banned form forums for violating terms of service). We can "assault" strangers online and then go happily about our business in real life, having discharged all that frustration. We can also dehumanize strangers online--they aren't real human beings, but some screen name and avatar, with a person behind it who is probably lying half the time.
However, I also think there's something else apart from anonymity that is at work when it comes to aggression online. I had a thread last year that mentioned the social-media-site-that-shall-not-be-named, and in it I explained how, though I am very calm, cool-headed, and modulated emotionally, and not prone to "drama," I found myself becoming overly upset and angry about an online interaction I had with a family member. This one was not anonymous at all, but I found my internal anger rising to a level that was totally not usual for me. But I honestly think that if this family member and I had the same conversation in person, neither of us would have gotten as angry as we did. I tried to sort it out, and created that thread to try to figure it out, but it just deteriorated into people talking about that social media site, or how my opinion in that particular situation was invalid. But what I was really trying to figure out was: what was it about that particular platform/setting that resulted in my getting more angry about something small that I ever would have otherwise? I wrote that I felt so upset that I wanted to type all kinds of horrible things to her, but of course, I did not, because I have a little thing called impulse control. But I had never even FELT like typing such terrible things online to anyone before.
Once I really analyzed it, I think that other contributing factors were:
--An audience to try to impress. She and I expressed something to each other, but in an online setting where all our acquaintances (some mutual) could see it. So I'm sure on both sides, there was a bit of wanting to have anyone reading it believe each of us was "right." I have all kinds of discussions here on C-D, but because we're anonymous, I feel no need to impress anyone or get people to buy into my "side" of something. If they don't agree, they just don't agree. We can pick apart each other's facts and arguments, but I'm not emotionally invested in the other person ever seeing my side.
--People who present differently to different people. This came up because my family member regularly told me negative things about a certain topic, and when I mentioned them online in a joking manner, in front of this audience, she was exposed. She had evidently presented herself as having quite the opposite opinion to others. Her "worlds collided" in the words of George Costanza.
so she was angry that I had exposed her, and I was angry because she got so angry and she was not being consistent.
I think another things that plays into the non-anonymous online aggression is the need for attention. It wasn't really an issue in my example. But I regularly see people on social media having very vicious fights with family, neighbors, and former friends. A lot of it appears to be attention-seeking.
I think that anonymity partly explains the increased tendency to be rude online. After all, we're all strangers and can treat other strangers however we like without any repercussions (save getting banned form forums for violating terms of service). We can "assault" strangers online and then go happily about our business in real life, having discharged all that frustration. We can also dehumanize strangers online--they aren't real human beings, but some screen name and avatar, with a person behind it who is probably lying half the time.
However, I also think there's something else apart from anonymity that is at work when it comes to aggression online. I had a thread last year that mentioned the social-media-site-that-shall-not-be-named, and in it I explained how, though I am very calm, cool-headed, and modulated emotionally, and not prone to "drama," I found myself becoming overly upset and angry about an online interaction I had with a family member. This one was not anonymous at all, but I found my internal anger rising to a level that was totally not usual for me. But I honestly think that if this family member and I had the same conversation in person, neither of us would have gotten as angry as we did. I tried to sort it out, and created that thread to try to figure it out, but it just deteriorated into people talking about that social media site, or how my opinion in that particular situation was invalid. But what I was really trying to figure out was: what was it about that particular platform/setting that resulted in my getting more angry about something small that I ever would have otherwise? I wrote that I felt so upset that I wanted to type all kinds of horrible things to her, but of course, I did not, because I have a little thing called impulse control. But I had never even FELT like typing such terrible things online to anyone before.
Once I really analyzed it, I think that other contributing factors were:
--An audience to try to impress. She and I expressed something to each other, but in an online setting where all our acquaintances (some mutual) could see it. So I'm sure on both sides, there was a bit of wanting to have anyone reading it believe each of us was "right." I have all kinds of discussions here on C-D, but because we're anonymous, I feel no need to impress anyone or get people to buy into my "side" of something. If they don't agree, they just don't agree. We can pick apart each other's facts and arguments, but I'm not emotionally invested in the other person ever seeing my side.
--People who present differently to different people. This came up because my family member regularly told me negative things about a certain topic, and when I mentioned them online in a joking manner, in front of this audience, she was exposed. She had evidently presented herself as having quite the opposite opinion to others. Her "worlds collided" in the words of George Costanza.
so she was angry that I had exposed her, and I was angry because she got so angry and she was not being consistent.
I think another things that plays into the non-anonymous online aggression is the need for attention. It wasn't really an issue in my example. But I regularly see people on social media having very vicious fights with family, neighbors, and former friends. A lot of it appears to be attention-seeking.
Honestly, very few trolls (less than 10%) are even adults. Most are teens, the majority are teenagers having fun and being naughty on the Internet stiring the pot. The game behind every adolescent troll is to get people upset for the "lulz".
Adult trolls I believe are emotionally immature wanting the same reaction as their teenage counterparts.
I believe internet trolling is nothing more than being impish. It can border on cruel and even seemingly psychopathic, but I can assure it's not actually those things most of the time (a troll likely does not feel or say those things in the real world).
The absolute BEST way to block a troll is to not respond or when you do respond do so in a positive manner opposite to what they have written. If the troll realizes they can't get anyone going they'll get bored and find other things to do.
Misery loves company! Hurting people hurt people. These 2 sayings apply to the audience you are talking about OP. Remembering this often helps me to let go of anger, as I realise they must be miserable if they feel the need to disparage others.
Unfortunately, sometimes I forget & lose my cool, especially when people try to play armchair therapist without realising the damage they are inflicting on others, or they deliver their "truth" in a brutalising manner. One can be honest without being mean!
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