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I dumped the stinking mess into a plastic bag and then double bagged it for good measure, all while being swarmed with flies and dripping rotten seed water all over my feet and shoes first this morning. BEFORE coffee. I'm not even sure if this is a First World Problem, to be honest! I'm just traumatized by the stink of it all and thought I could share the joy with everyone. The bag from Hell is currently sitting out on the curb since garbage pick-up is tomorrow and I have ascertained that it's also yard waste pickup from all the bags my neighbors have set out on their curbs. (Thank God someone pays attention because I never do.) Hey! That's what makes it a First World Problem! I just can foist my stank-bags off on some unsuspecting sanitation worker and never have to think of it again.
I have to share my Stank problem from a few years back. We used to own a house with a nice, fenced yard in a nearby town. We had 3 dogs, 2 big, 1 small. Went out one morning to pick up the dog doodies and found a dead possum in the back yard. I can only assume the dogs killed it. So I put it in a heavy duty trash bag and put it in the trash container because pick-up was in two days and frankly I didn't know what else to do with it. I figured if I buried it one of the dogs would just dig it up.
Unfortunately it rained that night and the wind blew the lid off the trash can which then filled up with rainwater. Two days later when I go to wheel my trash out to the curb I smelled the most horrible smell you can imagine: dead possum soup. To this day that smell is still in my nostrils. No matter what I cleaned the garbage can with I could never get rid of the smell. I tried baking soda, vinegar, bleach, nothing worked. So I just decided to throw the whole can away. And here we get into First World Problems. Have you ever tried to throw a garbage can away? The garbage people never take it. Even when you leave a note on it telling them to please take it away. Maybe it's against the trash collector code? Maybe they didn't want to smell it either? The next time I find a dead possum in my yard I'm throwing it over the fence so it becomes the neighbor's problem.......
The worst smell I've ever smelled was my own burning nose.
So sometime in my very early 20's I developed an odd little lump on the end of my nose. Fearing skin cancer, I went to a doctor's office where they said they would remove it and send it to a lab. OK. They gave me a local anesthetic (which was very effective...at least for pain) and then sliced the offending little lump of flesh off, and then had to immediately cauterize the wound because well...face wounds bleed like the devil. The stench of burning human is truly horrific. So in addition to a glaring red scab on the end of my nose for a while, I got to live with the persistent memory of that stuck in my nose. Lovely. When the results came back from the lab, it turned out to be a "schwannoma" or (in this case) a benign tumor made of nerve sheath cells, which is far more common on the brain or certain nerves. I was told, if it had been present on my brain, it would have been dangerous. On my nose, not so much. But that having one on the surface of the skin or face is unspeakably rare. Uh... "So, are you telling me, that I had a brain tumor...on my NOSE?" I asked the nurse... Her reply, "Well, sort of, yes."
When it healed, it came back exactly as before. It seems very determined to be there. It hasn't grown any bigger...just...it's there. I suppose I could pursue more aggressive efforts to make it gone, but I think I'd wind up more disfigured than I am already, and given how horrid and traumatic the procedure was the first time around, I think I'll pass. Strangely, although I personally find it very noticeable and annoying when I look in the mirror, I am assured by all of my friends and lovers past and present that it does not detract from my "cute" good looks.
I have decided it exists as a somewhat silly reminder to me, to remain humble, and I am thankful that at least it has a funny story to it. I mean...who else in the world has a brain tumor on their nose, huh?
I was delayed at an intersection today by a long funeral procession. I just don't know why these people can't have the consideration to die at a more convenient time.....like die on a Wednesday so they can have the funeral on Saturday. Is that asking too much?
I love my kids, but I can't wait till they go to college. At times, I completely understand why cats will sometimes eat their young.
I had a pet mouse once who had babies and ate their heads.
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The bag from Hell is currently sitting out on the curb since garbage pick-up is tomorrow and I have ascertained that it's also yard waste pickup from all the bags my neighbors have set out on their curbs. (Thank God someone pays attention because I never do.) Hey! That's what makes it a First World Problem! I just can foist my stank-bags off on some unsuspecting sanitation worker and never have to think of it again.