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I would say it is too late for that discussion. Your mom may have simply tried to relive her life through you and she did this because of the influence she had on you.
Sounds like she was trying to make you feel like you didn't need to sell yourself to a man for material items. Would have been better if she had counseled you towards an education, career, and financial self sufficiency.
Your post caused the same reaction in me as RuthforTruth.
What do you want to "discuss" about it? Me reading the story makes me want to know "why did she act that way?" But what do YOU really want to know and why?
Or do you more want to tell her how it made you feel? That's fine too, but idk if that's really "a discussion."
Not too late IMHO.
(PS- I'm also curious about any SES insights. I understand the time in history part of it, but pretty much thought the "women wanting/needing material goods" BS* mantra came from all classes in my observation and had more to do with political views. Although a man I once dated loved to tell me that "the only class who believes in female equality is the middle class." Although I did/do yet i was not too far removed from "poor" when he said this to me and he was very well off "family money" wise. Hmmm....... )
*BS only imho of course and in my personal needs from a man. I have no need for "material things" from a man but I learned from my marriage that I do AT LEAST want him to be able to equally contribute financially.
Your post caused the same reaction in me as RuthforTruth.
What do you want to "discuss" about it? Me reading the story makes me want to know "why did she act that way?" But what do YOU really want to know and why?
Or do you more want to tell her how it made you feel? That's fine too, but idk if that's really "a discussion."
Not too late IMHO.
(PS- I'm also curious about any SES insights. I understand the time in history part of it, but pretty much thought the "women wanting/needing material goods" BS* mantra came from all classes in my observation and had more to do with political views. Although a man I once dated loved to tell me that "the only class who believes in female equality is the middle class." Although I did/do yet i was not too far removed from "poor" when he said this to me and he was very well off "family money" wise. Hmmm....... )
*BS only imho of course and in my personal needs from a man. I have no need for "material things" from a man but I learned from my marriage that I do AT LEAST want him to be able to equally contribute financially.
Thanks for your post. When making my first post I thought I stated what caused me to make it. I don't know what else I could have said or what question I could have asked. I didn't realize a question was required. I also think it came from all classes, which is why I asked Ruth4truth to say how she reached her conclusion about our socioeconomic class, but she didn't. I think it interesting she said what she did with such limited information.
Another person told me my mother wasn't perfect. At no time did I even hint that she was or that I thought she was. My mother did a lot of weird things and while I know a lot of background, I'll never know why she did a lot of it and no one can tell me. From my time on C-D, I'm well aware of the conclusions people draw from a brief synopsis of a story. I am often astonished at what information is thought to be gleaned from 2 sentences or so.
When my children were growing up, I worked hard to avoid doing many things my mother did with me and I hope I succeeded. It doesn't stop my mind from wandering off now and then to certain incidents during my growing up years. During those years I accepted whatever she did and how I felt isn't anything I gave thought to at the time. No one can tell me why she did things because they don't know.
I've tried to talk to my mother about things that happened in my childhood, and my sister has also. Our mom never remembers them the same way that we did, and we've never gotten any kind of satisfactory answers from her. It might have been the same if you'd been able to have the conversation with your mother before she passed.
I got my period at 13 way after boobs and my mother didn't have a product in the house, I had to use a handkerchief
I still remember the shame
Shall I bring it up with her now she's 80?
What would be The Point?
Shell only deny it anyway and I would get to have a memory of my mother denying my shame on top of the shameful memory itself.
Totally dif situation than OP. Sounds like 1. you knew she was not TRYING to shame you and 2. You knew it was an oversite.
My mother would just invalidate me too so I long ago stopped asking such Qs. But idk this woman's mom.
No need to shame the OP for having issues. I think it would be difficult to forget giving your kid a fur coat and diamond ring!
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Hmmm....... )
