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I'm feeling that it's a lot harder to "really" connect with people as I get older. I don't even know what it means to be "vulnerable" with people so that we can connect. I don't think it means telling them a secret about yourself or whatever. I think it has more to do with saying something you think is funny even if it could come across as dumb since humor does connect people to each other.
I have been feeling like a lot of my conversations with people (even friends) are kind of shallow even if the topics may be interesting. For example I went out with a friend last night and we were talking about relationships, bladder control problems, lucid dreams, etc. All very interesting topics but it still felt dry and like it lacked flavor. I like to believe I still have a sense of humor and my friend does too but I just feel like something isn't penetrating. Am I trying too hard to connect *all* the time?
People are usually afraid or too inhibited so alcohol is the usual social lubricant.
From my California experiences, a shared bottle of wine can spark an interesting conversation.
It doesn't have to be an expensive bottle but it should taste good.
I find that maybe the problem is you have grown and the same old been there done that is just not stimulating anymore. Your not learning anything new or different so its just not useful info. Basically its moronic and mindless bullcrap. Maybe the problem is you have grown up and you need new people in your life who are on a higher level. What your looking for in conversation is something new where your learning something, or something meaningful or something exotic and adventurous. Talking about dumps and bladder control is really not intellectual or exotic. Your just getting more intellectual and your finding stagnate and slower people.
I find that maybe the problem is you have grown and the same old been there done that is just not stimulating anymore. Your not learning anything new or different so its just not useful info. Basically its moronic and mindless bullcrap. Maybe the problem is you have grown up and you need new people in your life who are on a higher level. What your looking for in conversation is something new where your leaning something, or something meaningful. Your just getting more intellectual and your finding dumber people. You need a higher IQ crowd, I mean come on bladder control issues. I mean lets just discuss our dumps too. I mean its like reverting back to children.
I agree with Steve all the way. You've grown, and it becomes harder to make 'small talk' And people talking about their bowel movements would frighten me, I don't care how old I am. That's none of my concern
You don't need the drama as you age. You have also heard every thing so it can get boring trying to stay interested in some ones life if they are not that unique. That's probably why people always want to travel when they get older. Like Steve said it takes something pretty exotic to excite them.
I have found going to lectures, book groups, authors talks, ect., a new thing with older men. Some libraries have programs to attract older males into these groups. Sometimes the casual conversations after the program over coffee or refreshments can be quite in depth among people who have just met.
I'm feeling that it's a lot harder to "really" connect with people as I get older. I don't even know what it means to be "vulnerable" with people so that we can connect. I don't think it means telling them a secret about yourself or whatever. I think it has more to do with saying something you think is funny even if it could come across as dumb since humor does connect people to each other.
I have been feeling like a lot of my conversations with people (even friends) are kind of shallow even if the topics may be interesting. For example I went out with a friend last night and we were talking about relationships, bladder control problems, lucid dreams, etc. All very interesting topics but it still felt dry and like it lacked flavor. I like to believe I still have a sense of humor and my friend does too but I just feel like something isn't penetrating. Am I trying too hard to connect *all* the time?
To me, it sounds as if you were trying for connection and the other person wasn't responding. Have you known this person long?
I think the way we find relationships that are strong is by going through things together, or possibly, experiencing similar things. Some time we find a person with whom we identify strongly, and that is a bond. But usually, our relationships are mostly superficial.
You need time to develop a deeper relationship. Unfortunately, many of us move around, leaving friends behind, or our friends have moved around or died. So, it is harder to start fresh with people you haven't had years of friendship with. I would keep trying to find someone who shares your interests, and/or who is interested in you. And, friends can be anyone, whether of your generation or not.
Conversations with some of my friends are very meaningful and interesting; with some of the others the conversations are very limited. Just depends on whom you're conversing with at the time.
Although I am middle aged (not sure what the OP meant by "older"), I am finding it harder to make those connections as well. Personally, I am afraid of making a joke and either (as the example provided):
1.) Having it fall flat for cultural reasons - I know some people who are culturally from a different region, or culturally different in their awareness of pop culture, etc.
2.) People can be easily offended nowadays, no matter what their age bracket. However, I think some topics are just not funny joking about, whereas I find some topics hysterical - I'm sure a lot of people are the same way but we may not match up.
3.) Different "types" of humor. The same thing I find funny (i.e. dark humor and satire), the next person would not (i.e. slapstick)
4.) Humor can be geographical or hobby related as well.
Anyway, there are just too many variables these days when it comes to connections. Whereas I can connect with someone for years and we get along great when together, I find that can change on a dime based on something going on in their life, my life, or just things changed. I miss what I had with some friends or acquiantances from the past, but it is just not there anymore. Has it been replaced with new "connections" - in most cases no. But, people have more walls built up these days and are just so different from one another.
Although I am middle aged (not sure what the OP meant by "older"), I am finding it harder to make those connections as well. Personally, I am afraid of making a joke and either (as the example provided):
1.) Having it fall flat for cultural reasons - I know some people who are culturally from a different region, or culturally different in their awareness of pop culture, etc.
2.) People can be easily offended nowadays, no matter what their age bracket. However, I think some topics are just not funny joking about, whereas I find some topics hysterical - I'm sure a lot of people are the same way but we may not match up.
3.) Different "types" of humor. The same thing I find funny (i.e. dark humor and satire), the next person would not (i.e. slapstick)
4.) Humor can be geographical or hobby related as well.
Anyway, there are just too many variables these days when it comes to connections. Whereas I can connect with someone for years and we get along great when together, I find that can change on a dime based on something going on in their life, my life, or just things changed. I miss what I had with some friends or acquiantances from the past, but it is just not there anymore. Has it been replaced with new "connections" - in most cases no. But, people have more walls built up these days and are just so different from one another.
I wish I could disagree with you, but I don't. I see the same with most people I meet, who I think may be interesting to befriend. I can take superficial conversations here and there, but I generally get bored with such converstations. Meeting new people where I think I may become friends with them for me has been difficult as I get older. Oh well, trudge on.
I agree with Steve all the way. You've grown, and it becomes harder to make 'small talk' And people talking about their bowel movements would frighten me, I don't care how old I am. That's none of my concern
I can get on board with this take. One caveat with the medical issues though. I agree its not a good general conversation topic, and it does sound kinda odd. However, if you're having problems its OK to be candid about it. Many folks are embarrassed to talk about such issues, even with their doctor. My lady and I are very candid about talking with each other when any medical issue arises. Sbes the only one, besides my doctor, I talk about such things with, same for her vice versa, and its not "small talk" or daily, general conversation.
However, we have found that talking with each other about whatever is going on with us, be it GI, urinary, whatever, helps us to ask the right questions of our doctors, and not to hold back with them. But, as I said, that is ONLY between she and I, and there is a purpose behind it. Lol, general conversation topics have not dried up near enough to have us going there JUST for something to talk about.
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