Is this shizoophrenia?? (thoughts, problems, father, people)

[blesimetrovka]

Did any of you had a voices in head ( joined with a specific faces) narrating all day long about your own, but in this case my own behaviour,
sometimes sounding like mocking, sometimes like they are making conclusions about me or sometimes like doing scrutinizing or even mind reading and mentalisation ( for example- i look at chocolate in grocery store and voice says -uuuuh, you would like to eat that chocolate).
Or i go next to a guy or a girl that looks not to good ( originaly without comenting or thinking ) ,but this thing constantly knows what i think and translates it in a sentence or two
even if i dont express anything through thoughts or behaviour.

Most of the sentences start with "you"
- "you do..something",
- "you think..something" ,
They represented themselfs to me like they are mindreading machine, but it sounds like they are introjected personas from my environment and few from tv.
They said i got famous people psychosis, they spoke about 4 density ( which isnt psychosis that woud fit in my country or even continent)


and they even tried to control my behaviour by convincing me that water and food in my house is poisoned and if i shoud eat then i shoud eat outside my house or not after 7 in the evening, because it will all be build in my body.
As if this "machine" can control my bowel and blader.
Once i said to that "voice" what will happened if i will have bowel bacteria and you dont alow me to ****, i will die
and this guy or what ever he is said "ok,i will revers it,you will not die" and i start to **** normaly after few minutes.

One is psychiatrist, one is neuropsychiatrist, one is former hollywood actor, one is local murderer , one is guy i once had crush on him and one is serial killer. Serial killer and "hollywood actor" speak english and others speaks native language of my country.

When they dont coment about me, then they slowly start to speak scary stories which after while make me feel like some demonic feeling or entity is hunting me.
And at a begining , it looked like they were constantly "changing skins"..so i wouldnt see the face that is doing talking.

Some of them talk like i am listening motoric or robotic programmed speech and often end sentences with words "in here" , "you" or translations of this word in my native language.

When i would analize my personality, i am more of a psychopatic type (maybe too cold and too racional and not to much interested in world out of my own family and some simple jobs and simple life) and this voices would be only criteria that would fit for shizophrenic diagnosis.

When i told this to my mother, she told me that i am probably saying lies, because my behavour is totaly cool like always cuz i dont want to allow this "thing " to control me. I was control freak and this thing totaly shocked me.
Do you know anything about this?

When all this started i felt like i was hypnotised and i couldnt move how much that "thing" draged me into new "reality" and i was talking to "them" and obeying , but now i am trying to ignore whole thing by watching tv, reading, listening music or exercising.
One was constantly mentioning "coverted programing".
Most of them were very frendly (but not all) at a begining and then started to speak ugly stuff as i should die in my room, as i dont deserve to live, as they are going to use every word i told them against me and in the same time go deeper in my brain and personality.
They want to know secrets about people around me in my neighborhood (like real people -what is weird) and constantly provoce me why i was keen but not mean (evil) and like i have to suffer cuz other losers around me succeeded and am not even ambitious.
I got feeling like i am rejecting some speech or phrases ( that were ment for me to repeat)
and sometimes when i was doing this my voice or sound of my laughing was changing and sounding like it was not me but some of those introjects, personas or what ever they are.

Some help?

[blesimetrovka]

By the way , what does it mean "coverted programming" ?

[Aredhel]

Posters on an internet message board are not going to be able to help you with this. Please see a qualified mental health professional as soon as possible!

[KathrynAragon]

OP, please seek mental healthcare from a professional as soon as possible. I'm being very serious. What you are describing sounds like some form of pretty serious mental illness but I'm not qualified to give you a diagnosis.

[blesimetrovka]

Problem with this "voices" was that in the begining they were presented to me like realy high ranged persons from outer world like ( please dont laugh ) Barack Obama and one handsome striptease-actor from Hollywood, who i never watched or think before because i live on another continent and we rearly have any films on our national tv.
I was probubly very lonly at that time ( last year -November/ December).
And i think i also have sometimes tinitus or some freqency in left ear.
They were telling me things that i am smart as Tesla and that they need to see am i wired so we could comunicate through air...
And lonly and naive as i was when it all started, i started to listen every word like crazy, instead of asking why would you choose someone like me like am something special ?
I am just average lady.

And then it turned in something awfull like motion film in a head where B. Obama is hidden in my ceiling and begs (and later orders) me to open him small door above my attic so he could come out. I constantly refuse this speech (cuz it couldnt be truth logically) . ANd then he said cia agents will open him and let him out.

And then some other faces started to talk in my head convincing me i have famous people psychosis, as if i am tv, cyborg who is channaling everything through eye leads and they were convincing me i have camera in my eye iris and that they can move my mind and psych from my body to another person and that they can even move me from my mind to a body of my pets so i would see how small i can be and how small i was as a child.
And i really saw myself small as a cat in a cats body in a hall ( evendough i was laying in my room) and i was afraid my father will hit me with his leg cuz he is crude and like to hit pets when he is mad.

Then there was introjected voice of A.Merkell.
There was whole bunch of stories like this is software for learning languages (english and german), then programm convincing me i have to do suicid, then there were sound of windmill and worst od all i dont watch tv.
Before all this happened i watched only once daily News ( on regular base) and maybe few films cuz my family members like to go sleep early and me too.

If i go to psychiatrist how will i explain something that sounds like psychosis or shizophrenia in foreign languages?
Old school shrinks in former ex- yu contries maybe dont even speak english.

ANother problem is like almost all personas i saw on tv (even for a minute) are introjected into me and when something activates i can speak like this persons, mimic, gesture and change voice
which is weird because i was always very egocentred, looked at other as tools ( maybe psychopatic characteristic)
and always was inlove with reading and interested in myself not others..

"They" all like to joke, mock but some are even helping me to realise what happened to me or they are doing this so they can moke me?
They were telling me like someone is trapped in my ceiling and that i have to go there to give this hostage food or water and when i once really did put some chocolade through whole in a wooden door ,they starter to mock me : "Now everyone will know, you are crazier than ever before" .
And each day one of them tried to convince me someone new is going to be brought there and might die , if i dont bring something so he or she could survive.

And two weeks ago one of them was convincing me i am evil, no good, because people were dieing cuz i wasnt bringing them anything.
I never really looked in that ceiling but i really felt strange smells like something is dead or a scent of chlorine or water and chemicals from hair salon.
They were telling me also i should not drink water and food, cuz muslim people are envies and they were there too.

They mentioned some guy went to Germany to work in show with kids convincing them to kill them self, some Anton,
Hollywood , windmill ,goul and zillion stuff unconnected with so called "Mind-reading" and they were calling themself "Mocking-machine"..

They even told me this sounds in ear can change human facial features, and when i looked at my self in the morning in front of a mirror my nose and face shape looked differently each time.
I taped it on my camera, so i wouldnt think i am imagining.

And one of them said "It" is in your inner ear , more you move less you will here them.

[augiedogie]

Two possibilities. One is that it is a hallucination, and in that case a mental health professional with drugs might be able to help. Don't waste your time with someone who can't write a prescription and just thinks you can talk your problem away. It could also be a demon. In that case, see a local pastor that has some experience or wisdom about such things. In either case, you need help. Take your pick which one to try first. I'm certainly not qualified to help you, beyond this post.

[Arigarisha]

Only a qualified mental health professional can help you. Don't worry about having problems to explain things to them, they'll try to help you along the process.

[blesimetrovka]

Some of them have some kind of function, one are destroying and one are repearing after them and they said it is a wheel in which i have to be destroyed and then one (or some) of them comes to save me.

The one that knows all about psychology and neurology made a switch.
I was sitting on a coach watching tv and i felt like something from above (or a stroke) has hit me in a head
on left brain hemisphere near corpus callosum somewhere in the middle but more on a left side and i colapsed on a same coach.
I wasnt feeling well and get up and went in my bedroom to sleep and then this guy who was like organizer, educator who knows probubly everything about everything considering neurology and human brain said in my head
that we will make switch in my brain and that voices will be put on one side of my brain and after while on another hemisphere and then "YOU" communication started to be awfull,
like he was testing and moving functions from one hemisphere to another where is better location so i would be more ****ed up.

He also said i am differently wired because i suffered domestic and family abuse as a child and that my brain is different.
When i was a child i had imaginary companions who were helping me so i know a lot about inner voices, but this was totaly different because i created imaginary frends and those new came unexpectedly and dont want to go away.
It sounds like program when they talk except when one of them is starting with creepy stories, then sounds inventive and creative.
Serial killer has waken me in a middle of the night from a sleep saying "serial killers are around you" and like he is going to help me survive in my family and neighborhood and on camera he was showing me glued eyes on a woman.
Local murderer has a face of a guy who was someone from a neighborhood in other town where i lived and he is reapeating that i should die in my room from hunger and thurst and that he is going to destroy me with some photomontaged cd with a sexual content.
Psychiatrist is ok.

[blesimetrovka]

Originally Posted by augiedogie

Two possibilities. One is that it is a hallucination, and in that case a mental health professional with drugs might be able to help. Don't waste your time with someone who can't write a prescription and just thinks you can talk your problem away. It could also be a demon. In that case, see a local pastor

Thank you for your answer.
Biggest problem is psychiatrist will probably ask to many questions about my family, childhood, imaginary frends, voices, life experience and i have memory problems.
I feel like i am working like a mashine with two processors, i constantly have to move and do something so i wouldnt think.
My behaviour is totaly under control, but my mind is catastrophe as if my whole system is fighting to remove this intruder "thing" and it cant do nothing except partial ignoring.

I dont want to be doomed with life-time antipsyhotics ,cuz i finally met something i cant resolve on my on.

[Selby]

What you described has nothing to do with a demon, or any type of spirit attachment. It is a mental health issue. Please seek help from a mental health professional.