Seeing Depression in someone you care for is so difficult (in my case my daughter) (depressed, woman)

[metalmancpa]

I stumbled upon a poem I wrote over a decade ago which prompted me to share my thoughts right now.

15 years ago, my wife and I were introduced to the dark cloud of depression by our daughter Crystal who at the time was 15. I can remember the exact day the depression became visible to us, and in hindsight we are not sure how long before that day she was suffering (either she hid it from us well or we were just blind to it).

I was going out food shopping. For some reason my wife insisted that I take Crystal along. Other than her being quiet, I didn't notice anything out of the ordinary. In the store I was pushing the cart along picking up a few items while Crystal was checking a few things out. I pass the aisle she was looking at cereal and I stopped. I took one look, and something told me to leave the cart behind and take Crystal out of the store. I don't know what I saw or what I felt, but something came over me (instinct?). As we left the store she stopped by the curbside in the parking lot and threw up, and then I took her to the car to take her home. It felt off, but I couldn't put my finger on it (What was she sick from?). As we drove out of the parking lot she said "Dad I have something to tell you". She proceeded to tell me she took somewhere around 60 Tylenol. I knew I had to go straight to the hospital, not knowing how critical things were. According to the doctors I got her there with minutes to spare to pump her stomach, because that much Tylenol can kill someone very quickly. My wife met me at the hospital. Later on I needed a break in the evening and drove to the mall just to get away. I vividly remember standing in the entrance of Bradlees looking at a mother walking with a child in her hand, both smiling. I thought to myself how could I have ever assumed I knew what a person was going through just by looking at them. I was just blindsided by my daughter, and looked at the mother/daughter smiling and thought how do I know if they are really happy. That night changed me forever and my perception of the world.

For the next 3 years she was in and out of hospitals and halfway houses. She attempted a couple of more times, and also began cutting. Those years in the hospitals my wife and I travelled everyday after work to visit her. At one time she was in a secure ward in a hospital 60 miles away, yet my wife and I never missed a visit, not one day. Our lives were covered by a dark cloud, and there is no way to explain how it affects your life unless you live through it.

I wrote this poem one evening during this dark time which I titled "Let My Daughter Go":

A stranger to me, that you are
You showed her pill after pill
To stalk her down to steal her life
To take away her will
You smother her and trap her thoughts
And make them all seem bad
With all this stress she can not deal
And it makes her very sad
How can you hide so much good from her
And entrap her in her mind
To cloud her vision and block her path
From a good place she can't find
She wants to be happy, and be part of life
To be so depressed it is not right
She's only fifteen and still trying to grow
And is not prepared enough to fight
She punishes herself, and sees one way out
For why she doesn't know
So I have one thing to ask, I ask you please
Let My Daughter Go


Fast forward to today. My daughter is a successful Army nurse (Captain). She went to Boston College and earned her degree in nursing. She is a beautiful woman and a go getter. She knows the risk of depression is always inside of her, but she has learned to control it. We have talked about those years together, and how difficult it was. Sometimes you just have to tap into an inner strength you don't even know exists inside of you.

[soUlwounD]

Thanks for posting. It makes me so sad when people are ready to reject and leave people behind like someone who would be depressed would be forever a lost case.

Thanks for supporting and staying strong, I hope everyone would see depression is not always the end but could be turned into a new beginning - by help and support.

Instead leaving them alone and turning backs to them, people could choose supporting them.

[AtlasTraveler]

Wonderful story. Depression is treatable. What wonderful parents she has - so many families stigmatize mental illness (only resulting in their children not getting medical help). Your daughter is proof: family support + medical help = positive outcomes.

[Masha1985]

When someone suffers from depression, relatives' support is important. This might help: http://undepress.net/how-to-help-som...our-loved-one/

[Tintlelli]

Thank you for posting your experience. And especially thank you for being a good, loving and involved father who did not back away from his child's complicated mental illness. It must have been hard for you but you knew it was even worse for her. And look what happened! I am so happy to hear of your daughter's success.