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To the OP, I think you need to go to a specific depression related forum, and connect with users there. There are definately users here who believe that talk therapy is the only answer and are using it as a platform to argue with you instead of help you.
I am not one to throw my experiences around like this - but I have been to therapy in the past for feeling depression over loss of a loved one, my first marriage dissolving, an abusive relationship when I was young, and dealing with sadness related to being in a new place, new job, and not adjusting well. I have to say, therapy didn't work for me, and I had to figured out A LOT on my own. I was pretty open as well, but it just didn't seem to help.
Last therapist I went to said I was one of the most normal, functional person's he knew and knocked me down to therapy once every other week, then three weeks, then to monthly, then dismissed me. It was like going out with a buddy who I was paying, and he mainly agreed with everything I would say. I thought he was a very nice person, and we would get talking about sports, social issues of the day, etc. However, that wasn't what I was paying him for...that lasted 6 months
I have been to another therapist when trying to explain a problem away, she would interrupt with something she thought I said along the way that may have been "the real issue," but a lot of times it would turn into a unnecessary, unhelpful, distraction. She did teach me something along the way...the act of picking apart a conversation, and only hearing elements of it. I really do think she may have had a problem with listening. I tried a long time with her - just under a year. I realize now I don't remember one thing about our conversations except for the interrupting.
Another therapist I went to was very blunt and to the point, she would just kind of be "this is how I see the issue, and you are overthinking things..." ok, I last two months only with that therapist, I really didn't have anything to say to her after then.
Years ago, I went to a Pastor who was also counselor for issues in my first marriage - he spun the conversation back on himself a lot and his ministry. That was obviously not helpful - no offense, but I really do not want to hear about how you are helping homeless drug addicts accept Christ as their savior while I am telling you my marriage is falling apart. That lasted a month, I just couldn't justify that expense at that point for what I was getting.
Now I admit - the therapy I had after being in an abusive relationship 20+ years ago was the biggest help, and sadly it was when I was making much, much less money and going to a volunteer advocate because I couldn't afford therapy. So it was a college student, who sat down with me and provided facts about abusers, information about getting away from said person, etc. This person was NOT a real therapist, but they were the most helpful. I went to her 3 whopping sessions, and I felt empowered, liberated, and really like my eyes have been opened. Again though, this was not a counselor, it was an advocate.
The help I have gotten online in other forums during my tough times were a Godsend compared to my paid for "professional" therapists. I am 4 for 4 for "therapists" not helping me. Please Google depression forums and try to get into the right groups to help. Also, Google online therapy, they do exist! Plus, also consider exercise, healthy eating, balancing your vitamin levels, abstaining from alcohol, and reading books to help yourself get out of the rut you are in. Those actions have helped me more than any hour therapy session has ever done for me. But these are just my personal experiences, I will probably get blasted on this forum for stating I don't always see the point in therapy, especially when therapists are not always helpful.
To the OP, I think you need to go to a specific depression related forum, and connect with users there. There are definately users here who believe that talk therapy is the only answer and are using it as a platform to argue with you instead of help you.
I am not one to throw my experiences around like this - but I have been to therapy in the past for feeling depression over loss of a loved one, my first marriage dissolving, an abusive relationship when I was young, and dealing with sadness related to being in a new place, new job, and not adjusting well. I have to say, therapy didn't work for me, and I had to figured out A LOT on my own. I was pretty open as well, but it just didn't seem to help.
Last therapist I went to said I was one of the most normal, functional person's he knew and knocked me down to therapy once every other week, then three weeks, then to monthly, then dismissed me. It was like going out with a buddy who I was paying, and he mainly agreed with everything I would say. I thought he was a very nice person, and we would get talking about sports, social issues of the day, etc. However, that wasn't what I was paying him for...that lasted 6 months
I have been to another therapist when trying to explain a problem away, she would interrupt with something she thought I said along the way that may have been "the real issue," but a lot of times it would turn into a unnecessary, unhelpful, distraction. She did teach me something along the way...the act of picking apart a conversation, and only hearing elements of it. I really do think she may have had a problem with listening. I tried a long time with her - just under a year. I realize now I don't remember one thing about our conversations except for the interrupting.
Another therapist I went to was very blunt and to the point, she would just kind of be "this is how I see the issue, and you are overthinking things..." ok, I last two months only with that therapist, I really didn't have anything to say to her after then.
Years ago, I went to a Pastor who was also counselor for issues in my first marriage - he spun the conversation back on himself a lot and his ministry. That was obviously not helpful - no offense, but I really do not want to hear about how you are helping homeless drug addicts accept Christ as their savior while I am telling you my marriage is falling apart. That lasted a month, I just couldn't justify that expense at that point for what I was getting.
Now I admit - the therapy I had after being in an abusive relationship 20+ years ago was the biggest help, and sadly it was when I was making much, much less money and going to a volunteer advocate because I couldn't afford therapy. So it was a college student, who sat down with me and provided facts about abusers, information about getting away from said person, etc. This person was NOT a real therapist, but they were the most helpful. I went to her 3 whopping sessions, and I felt empowered, liberated, and really like my eyes have been opened. Again though, this was not a counselor, it was an advocate.
The help I have gotten online in other forums during my tough times were a Godsend compared to my paid for "professional" therapists. I am 4 for 4 for "therapists" not helping me. Please Google depression forums and try to get into the right groups to help. Also, Google online therapy, they do exist! Plus, also consider exercise, healthy eating, balancing your vitamin levels, abstaining from alcohol, and reading books to help yourself get out of the rut you are in. Those actions have helped me more than any hour therapy session has ever done for me. But these are just my personal experiences, I will probably get blasted on this forum for stating I don't always see the point in therapy, especially when therapists are not always helpful.
Therapy isn't the only way but for this person, who has so much shame, seeing a therapist is overwhelming, it is the only way. Well that or facing the shame in other ways. It's like a phobia, and facing it and seeing the fears are misplaced is really the only "cure".
I've been through several bad matches when it comes to therapists. I don't stick around for a year but have given some people more time then I wish I had. I don't know if they are bad therapists, but I do know they aren't matches for me. When you find a match, it's a really healing thing.
1. I know what's wrong with me and talking to someone will not help me but who knows maybe it can
2. As nickchick said, therapy doesn't work for everyone and I am smart enough to know what a therapist might tell me. I want to be wrong about that but it doesn't seem to be that way.
3. There was this person who I met that actually helped me once...sort of but she wasn't real.
Info: The crisis line was operated by a college that I don't go to but they said it was ok.
It's not that you don't know what's wrong with you. It's that you're not able to find your way out of it, to wholeness, healthiness, happiness. You need a leg-up from someone with experience helping people to get to where they want to be. They can suggest exercises for you to do (grief work, rage work, whatever is relevant), they can support you in your process so you're not facing your demons alone, and they can perhaps point out how past events set you up for where you are now, and suggest how to get past that.
It may seem intimidating or potentially embarrassing, or difficult to admit you need help, but once you get into it, you'll be glad you did. For many people, it's too big a job for them to figure out all on their own, and lift themselves up by their own bootstraps. There's nothing wrong with asking for help. You wouldn't try to fix a broken bone or a viral infection on your own, would you? This is just like going to the doctor.
OP just wanted to send you a virtual hug. Dealing with depression, trauma, suicidal thoughts are not easy. I have a family member who is dealing with his share of similar issues. He is in therapy and also getting additional help to try and get back to life (work, school, etc). Or know how difficult and frustrating it is.
I wish you luck and hope that you find the help you need.
Thanks for the replies. I'll be blunt and just say that I am hideous and around the age of 12 something happened to me and made things worse. It's something that I really can't hide. It's permanent. It brought me a lot of negative attention and I didn't have my mom or someone who I could go to when I was feeling bad so I just dealt with it. It's gotten "worse" over the years but at the same time I've gotten confident but for all the wrong reasons. The fact that I'm suicidal or have been suicidal for so long has kind of given me the peace of mind to be at peace with myself and know that this won't last forever. It's made it easier for me to communicate with people but in other ways it's made me more "insecure" and really bummed out about my future. This doesn't mean I walk around with a sad face or that I'm a negative nancy because there are times where I truly am happy and just enjoying life but those thoughts are still there.
Thanks for the replies. I'll be blunt and just say that I am hideous and around the age of 12 something happened to me and made things worse. It's something that I really can't hide. It's permanent. It brought me a lot of negative attention and I didn't have my mom or someone who I could go to when I was feeling bad so I just dealt with it. It's gotten "worse" over the years but at the same time I've gotten confident but for all the wrong reasons. The fact that I'm suicidal or have been suicidal for so long has kind of given me the peace of mind to be at peace with myself and know that this won't last forever. It's made it easier for me to communicate with people but in other ways it's made me more "insecure" and really bummed out about my future. This doesn't mean I walk around with a sad face or that I'm a negative nancy because there are times where I truly am happy and just enjoying life but those thoughts are still there.
I get it. Its like an out...if you need it. I wasn't suicidal but always had a plan in the back of my mind. My life was really terrible and I found comfort that if it really did get more more then I could deal with, I had an out planned. Eventually my life got better and I didn't need an out anymore. But I still kept a plan in mind. I don't anymore. I've healed a lot.
It must be really hard to feel hideous. I have a strong feeling that there are other people out there who wouldn't agree with you. Even if you are severely disfigured, there are people who can look at the heart of a person. What ever the issue is, I can see why facing someone is so hard if you feel that way. But...I think you could heal a lot with help.
Knowing this, maybe the chatting sessions might be a good option. Because you can read the therapist for a while. I have met a couple of extremely empathetic therapists...not all of them...but there are some good ones. Imagine how nice it will feel to be accepted and feel safe.
Keeping the "suicide option" in your back pocket can be a way to empower yourself.
Even though it shouldn't be an option, I can see how just keeping the knowledge that you "could" supposedly stop your suffering at any moment would help you feel a little bit better in some way.
The thing is ... there are OTHER ways to deal with problems like that. Most of them require help. If you don't trust SOMEONE, it's harder to get the help.
I deal with my depression better than most people. Why ? well something happened to me when I was 12 and my life got significantly harder and more difficult after that. I didn't get any therapy for it and just kind of dealt with it, never showed any weakness, and did my best to be "normal".
For those who don't think I am depressed or think that I am doing this for attention, you guys are one of the reasons I don't want to open up.
OP, what are you hoping to gain from this thread? How are you hideous? Were you injured or burned?
Last edited by charlygal; 03-02-2016 at 08:33 PM..
Where do I start ? I remember calling the first time and just talking to this girl. I told her I was depressed and suicidal and that I was comfortable with the idea of ending my life but that I didn't want to upset my family. Keep in mind that I'm not debbie downer and that I can be very very happy so I'm nothing like most people who are depressed. I think I called a second time like about a week after that and that convo went ok but it kind of bummed me out because they didn't really help me. The third time I called is when I found out I was banned.
Suicide hot lines are for occasional, emergency use. They are really not for long-term therapy.
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