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I'm either really hopeful or pathetic and have attachment issues.. or all of them.
When I develop a friendship/relationship or have any sort of emotional attachment toward someone, I put them in a good place in my heart and even if the relationship goes sour or if I feel it's best we separate, I can't let them go. I keep trying to figure out what the problem is, and I would put in effort to try and fix it or ignore the problem and keep in contact with them. The only way a stale relationship finally ends is if the other person either really annoys me or if they ignore all my messages.
I wish I could figure out why this is so I can stop seeming like a little pathetic person people can just ignore. I'm sure this causes me to give off a vibe that makes people feel they can treat me this way or ignore me in general because they know I can't let them go. I often feel unimportant and like I don't get heard.
I'm going to discuss this in my group therapy session but any insights would be helpful.
Thanks.
PS I also hate conflict so I have it ingrained in my brain that it's often best to let people step on me or I'll admit I'm in the wrong even if it's not completely my fault or I'll be sad rather than angry and confrontational. Even when I confront someone I still let them step on me a little... I feel like having this kind of thinking makes me weak...
As you go though your life, you will master certain skills which will allow to boost your sense of self worth and self esteem.
Until you feel that you can contribute to a relationship by adding value, you will retain this feeling of being worthless and unattractive.
It all comes down to wants and needs and until you can build up your life so that your wants and needs are taken care of, you will then be attractive to others who want to fulfill their wants and needs with you.
Have you ever read about Abraham Maslow's hierarchy of needs ?
It's a great road map for building your life so that someday you can self-actualize your self. Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs | Simply Psychology
That's interesting. I often hear the pyramid jumbled around. For example, I suffer greatly from the love/belonging and self-esteem needs, but you would think that if I could master the self-actualization needs (having a great sense of humor, not judging people, etc.) that I would be an awesome human being and be loved and love myself. If this is backwards then I honestly don't even know what having high self-esteem is but to master the self-actualization needs...
I'm not an expert on your primary problem but it sounds like you have this fear of being alone. There's a saying that goes "better to be alone than in bad company" I think the loneliest you can be is to be with someone that doesn't appreciate you so perhaps it can be beneficial to tell yourself that when you mix with bad people the outcome is still the same you are alone and if you come into contact with good people, you are never really alone. Sometimes people have to go..life happens but it didn't change the fact that you had them as a friend. People come into your life and then they go. They serve their purpose but if they were good to you for the time you spent together you don't technically have to let them go...just their physical presence. You always have the memories. Not to mention if memories are not enough you can let them go because there are a lot of people in this world so you're bound to find more good people to hang onto sometime. You do have to give people space though sometimes which I know is most likely hard when you have attachment issues but like I say you're never really alone if you have good people in your life. If you vary your "network" I think you can find it easier to give people the space they need.
As to the aversion to conflict..boy do I identify with you there. I have been in the midst of drama so I guess I don't mind it in a way but I certainly don't like being the primary cause of it so I avoid confrontation a lot. I think often times when you avoid conflict you cause more conflict though so you basically have to tell yourself if I bottle it up the conflict will only increase.
Graduated fro HS in 1958 and went to summer school at UWG, where that fall, I took the entry general psychology, and we studied Maslow's hierarchy of needs as part of the introduction. I remember the professor because he was a humanistic psychologist at a time when behaviorism was at its peak. He was a good teacher.
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