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Hello,
I am 29 years old, never married (but in a LTR), no kids. Recently I went on a splurge of Faceook friend add-- adding lots of old high school classmates, both from my class and 3+/- above and below. We were a fairly small school. It was a very weird feeling to see several of my classmates married, with children. It just made me feel..behind. I don't feel ready to have children right now. I would like to get settled with a house, and to move into a higher paying position at work. I also work nights. I work for the airline industry, so right now, the gf and I love to travel. We are able to travel at a very discounted rate. We were planning to get as much travel in as we can while we're young, and then settle down.
Any good suggestions? Has this happened to you? I know that being married and having children isn't everything, and obviously they have their own stressors, but it still makes me feel behind. Besides delete Facebook!
It also may be worth noting that I am ~ 2,000 miles away from many of these people. 50% stayed in the state, and the others have moved elsewhere. Regardless, no change of bumping into anyone.
Dude, first: Facebook = FAKEBOOK.
2nd - not everybody who is married and has kids is happy. Many feel trapped in their marriage, especially people who married too young.
3nd - just because you only see happy pics on facebook doesn't mean they are happy.
4th - the more happy pics you see, the worse the posters usually feel.
5th - put your vacation pics there. Everybody will envy you.
I think you are doing it right - TRAVEL, TRAVEL, TRAVEL. You have enough time to buy a place and have kids.
Do you ever watch dads at gas stations? They pump their gas on their minivan and almost cry while looking at the guy with the sports car.
Parents are always stressed out, broke, and complain - you have enough time to get to that point. Until then, enjoy your life.
There's your answer. Facebook serves little purpose in my life. I understand it helps some people keep in touch with friends in family, but for me it was just a huge timesuck. It also made me feel sad, rather like yourself. Many people on Facebook only show the good events in their lives, as if they have no challenges, frustrations, or difficulties. Others are major downers and continually post about how depressed they are and how they can't go on living another moment.
Plus, I didn't know any of these people and had zero chance of meeting any of them. What was the point of reading all about these strangers' personal lives and seeing pictures of their kids, vacations, and food they ate? After I got rid of it six months ago, my life became more fulfilling. I challenge you to try it. You may find deleting Facebook to be a freeing experience, similar to dumping a bf/gf who is dragging you down and making you miserable. And in the meantime, spend your free time with the real people whom you care about and are really in your life
Why in the world are you FB friends with people you don't know and will never meet? Why would you waste one second looking at their posts?
I am very much like the OP....also 29 and never married (no SO though). I can definitely relate to the bummed out feeling he gets by looking at Facebook. I think everyone kinda covered it. Facebook is just a collection people's "greatest hits" and people frequently lie on it. IMO, Instagram may actually be worse. Most people's social media profiles are a facade and you should definitely not compare yourself to it, although I know that is easier said than done.
I remember when Facebook first came out...you had to be in college back then. It was billed as the future of community and relationship building. Somewhere along the line, it, along with most social media platforms, morphed into just another vessel for people's narcissism. Once I realize this, I went on a FB diet and haven't looked back since...I would definitely recommend doing the same.
True story: I had a friend and her husband as friends on there. They had no kids, but they would almost go out of their way to show how happy they were, to a really creepy degree. Turns out, in real life they LOATHE each other and are only staying together because one of their parents is terminally ill and completely opposed to divorce. So they keep this little charade up, and the second this parent passes away they are headed straight to divorce court. Just know that you are comparing yourself to people like this.
One other thing. Getting married and having kids does NOT make you "ahead" in life or better than others in any way. I've had that thrown in my face a few times and it is complete BS. You can con or manipulate anyone into getting married to you, and it is not that hard to make a baby LOL. It takes some serious knowledge and toughness, however, to actually build a life for yourself, and that is independent of your family and/or marriage status.
Last edited by #1soonerfan; 03-15-2016 at 10:16 AM..
I'll pile on this thread with some simple, but already stated advice: please don't make the mistake of comparing your life to someone else. I did that this weekend and kicked myself on Monday for falling for it. It is a very easy mistake to make though, so I don't fault you at all.
I'm 36, married, 2 kids, house in a decent part of town, good job, blah blah. Went to a birthday party for a 3yr old son of a friend of mine. Ran into someone from undergrad... this dude is married with two kids, etc. Was talking about putting his daughters in some super expensive private preschool next year and drove off in a really nice SUV (only knew about that because we both left at the same time - kids' nap time).
Why compare yourself to others? Either it's gonna be awkward when you think your life is better off than theirs, or it's gonna make you feel like crap when you believe their life is the better one. So much of it is dependent on how you define "better" anyway; there's simply no point.
I know that being married and having children isn't everything, and obviously they have their own stressors, but it still makes me feel behind.
don't worry. Within 4-5 years, a healthy percentage will be asking for divorce lawyer recommendations on facebook and you will feel better about yourself.
Hello,
I am 29 years old, never married (but in a LTR), no kids. Recently I went on a splurge of Faceook friend add-- adding lots of old high school classmates, both from my class and 3+/- above and below. We were a fairly small school. It was a very weird feeling to see several of my classmates married, with children. It just made me feel..behind. I don't feel ready to have children right now. I would like to get settled with a house, and to move into a higher paying position at work. I also work nights. I work for the airline industry, so right now, the gf and I love to travel. We are able to travel at a very discounted rate. We were planning to get as much travel in as we can while we're young, and then settle down.
Any good suggestions? Has this happened to you? I know that being married and having children isn't everything, and obviously they have their own stressors, but it still makes me feel behind. Besides delete Facebook!
It also may be worth noting that I am ~ 2,000 miles away from many of these people. 50% stayed in the state, and the others have moved elsewhere. Regardless, no change of bumping into anyone.
Congratulations to you being smarter than most of your friends. My sister got married at 18, had her first baby at 19, then 4 more over the next 10 years. Her house always smelled like urine and she was always so needy, never enough of anything. Her kids were her pride and joy, but it was my parents and me that seemed to pay for it all. (Along with public assistance.) Having kids is easy, too easy.
2nd - not everybody who is married and has kids is happy. Many feel trapped in their marriage, especially people who married too young.
3nd - just because you only see happy pics on facebook doesn't mean they are happy.
4th - the more happy pics you see, the worse the posters usually feel. 5th - put your vacation pics there. Everybody will envy you.
I think you are doing it right - TRAVEL, TRAVEL, TRAVEL. You have enough time to buy a place and have kids.
Do you ever watch dads at gas stations? They pump their gas on their minivan and almost cry while looking at the guy with the sports car.
Parents are always stressed out, broke, and complain - you have enough time to get to that point. Until then, enjoy your life.
Yes! Your life is cool too, OP. Those people are wishing that they were in your position.
It is 2016. Not 1950. You must come from a small city if everyone is already married with children at your age. The more cosmopolitan, more successful and more educated one is, the later s/he will marry and have children. Read the statistics. You are going to be at a better place in your career when you marry and you will have the emotional maturity and finances to be a better parent than if you had a wife and two kids at your current age.
I am sure most of your friends are jealous of your lifestyle and freedom.
I am about 10 years older than you and I don't have children. Sometimes, I think about this when I see my friends' pictures on facebook... but in the end, it's OK. I am happy with what I have and I am sure some of them envy me at times.
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