Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
OP, your title -- Do you keep your children informed about their siblings? -- doesn't reflect your first post, or your other posts in this thread for that matter. Hence, confusion in what exactly you are asking.
We've always openly communicated but now that they are grown, the dynamic has changed but I've continued communicating the same. For me, it's not working.
We've always openly communicated but now that they are grown, the dynamic has changed but I've continued communicating the same. For me, it's not working.
I think a good starting point is to treat them a lot more like you treat your good friends by not horning in when you are not invited. Listen, encourage, and love them and don't judge or offer advise unless invited. Think of them as adults and not "your kids". You will no longer know everything about their finances, work, social life, family life, etc.
Do you by chance have a "problem child" whose business you have been discussing with the others?
Not necessarily "a" problem child. Let's just say "they" have grown up problems and some that I've never dealt with. I can't stand to see my children in any type of distress. For the most part they don't involve us with their issues as much as we had to get involved when they were teenagers. I've just noticed that lately, they are not so forthcoming.
I keep my adult children posted on certain events that one of them might not know. However, with Facebook and texting, mostly I don't have to do this. Why not encourage your kids to post their doings on Facebook.
However you said you are no longer trying to rescue them? Yes, don't, unless the situation is a true crisis. One of the things I learned as a parent of young adults is that I don't have to know everything. I really don't. That attitude has saved me a lot of grief.
It is wonderful to help out if asked. But don't feel that every situation they are in needs commentary, encouragement or help.
If there is something going on with one of them, will you discuss it with the others be it good or bad?
Only if I want to let one know how I feel about things without telling them. I know they discuss with each other what I say. Is there ever an end to sibling rivalry? Momma was not born yesterday and they still have to get up early to try to get ahead of me.
I recently realized I won't be around forever and so I am trying to stay away from their decisions. It is a weaning process. At 44 and 50 they should be able to run their own lives. My oldest is learning a lot right now about how frustrating it can be to watch your child make mistakes and not try to do something about it. Her daughter is 20 and a junior in college. That has made her much less critical of me. For a while, I could do nothing right. My son is not there yet. I am just a backwards person to him still.
Not necessarily "a" problem child. Let's just say "they" have grown up problems and some that I've never dealt with. I can't stand to see my children in any type of distress. For the most part they don't involve us with their issues as much as we had to get involved when they were teenagers. I've just noticed that lately, they are not so forthcoming.
Our's did the same in their 20's (less forthcoming), and even more after they got married. I felt a little twinge over it, but I know it is for the best for them and their marriages.
My mom would share things about my sisters and would share things about me to my sisters. We're family. We get along.
And we all had the good sense to keep our mouths shut about things we didn't want anyone to know.
Now that Mom's gone, we are still talking. And still not telling things we don't want anyone to know.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
