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Let's face it, a big reason and motivator for people to get into a relationship with a significant other is for sex. If you don't feel particularly interested in such a relationship it is possible that you are asexual. But regardless, my guess is that you are just able to see more clearly than most and understand that many aspects of romantic relationships are highly overrated, that outcomes aren't great (50% divorce rate and that doesn't mean the other 50% are happy or satisfied) and that life has a great deal to offer you if you fly solo.
My guess is that you will continue this way for a few years and then fall hard for someone because you will actually know yourself and what you want ... or, you won't. Either way you will have a satisfying life. And screw everyone who thinks you're odd if you take the road less travelled.
The reason you probably started this thread is because you can never be sure until you try, so to speak. Let me ease that concern. I am 59 years old, have been divorced once and widowed once and am in my third relationship. Taken as a whole, with all due respect to the woman I currently love, I wish dearly that I had as good a grasp on reality at the age of 23 as you obviously do and I wish it hadn't taken me until I was 53 or so to know myself well enough that I could be happy in or out of a relationship. Look at it this way: you'll never know if you can be happy single unless you try, either. And your only hope of doing the whole love and romance thing right is to be happy first by yourself. Then you aren't approaching an intimate relationship from a place of personal need or treating it like some missing ingredient that will fix or enable everything that you want from life.
This situation isn't really complicated it's just unusual.
I think you answered your own question right here. There isn't anything "wrong" with you, but as others have said because you aren't boy crazy or actively seeking out a relationship, which they don't understand because they are, there MUST be something wrong with you.
I am 42. I have had one LTR; we met two weeks before I turned 26. I didn't date much before I met him; I haven't dated much since he died 8 years ago. Do I wonder what's wrong with me that dating is such a struggle? Absolutely. Is there anything wrong with me? Absolutely not. Society thinks I should be in a relationship and every now and then I fall victim to drinking that Kool-Aid. I'm not one to date someone just for the sake of dating and I suspect you aren't either.
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Originally Posted by silibran
If I am off base, then forgive me and forget my comments. As I said part of me believes that you truly don't think you have a problem. But then why did you ask for advice?
When enough people start questioning whether or not there's something wrong with you because you don't fall into their idea of "normal," especially when they are the people who care the most about you, after awhile, you do start to think maybe they're right.
From what you've described, I don't sense a "fear of intimacy". Most people that I've known who have that, happily get into relationships, then hold back or sabotage it in some way. Most tend to bounce from relationship to relationship never understanding why they fail.
Anyhow, I think you're fine. I will say this though, I was harped on for YEARS about my being anti-social. Well, basically that I don't like to go out all the time, I'm shy, quiet, feel super awkward in social situations, was even told there are drugs for that. And yet, deep inside, I didn't feel like it was an issue, but it became one because my friends kept telling me it was. I went to therapy for it. My therapist cured me in 15 minutes by simply telling me, "there is nothing wrong with you in any sort of way and they're not friends if they can't accept you for you and believe you need to be just like them". In the end, the fact that someone, outside of my social circle, reinforced what I knew and felt, gave me the strength to tell my friends to back off (in a friendly way). Most may joke about it, but they leave me be and are happy when I finally want to go out.
It may seem stupid that I couldn't believe in myself, but the same reason you've posted here, when you hear it over and over again from those that you respect and like, you start to truly wonder. Now, I embrace my anti-social introvertedness and happily tell people this is just how I am and I'm 100% okay with that.
You may be gay or asexual, and may not be ready to deal with either of those possibilities. I think it would be a good idea for you to see a therapist.
I just wanted to see what other's definition of what that fear may be. I was really just curious.
Like another poster touched on, I think it's funny when some people can't wrap their head around someone being single so they basically try to "diagnose" a "problem" where there is none.
Yes. You aren't the norm, but don't seem too upset about that. None of are totally in the "norm" about everything, are we?
LOL! She waits for the guy she wants, and he's a creeper stalker who dominates, controls, and abuses her and she thinks it's sexy. But those are just details.
I hear you on the never being in a relationship again. I can't picture it. I just can't. Maybe someday, but it's really hard for me to imagine.
You've got good sense girl. Don't let other people make you think that something is "wrong" with you. You sound life a very confident, young woman. You don't need a relationship to be happy. You are doing you. I think it's a very brave thing to be true to yourself and to not let society pressure you about what you should be happening in your life right now. Are you interested in anyone sexually? Same sex? Opposite sex? No sex? Has anything turned you off particularly about being in a relationship?
IMO, I think that when you are interested enough in someone, you will want to pursue a relationship further. Perhaps, you are holding out for high compatibility. A lot of girls your age are in fantasy land or whoring. That doesn't seem like you at all . If you wanted to talk with a professional, certainly do so if it will make you feel better.
You've got good sense girl. Don't let other people make you think that something is "wrong" with you. You sound life a very confident, young woman. You don't need a relationship to be happy. You are doing you. I think it's a very brave thing to be true to yourself and to not let society pressure you about what you should be happening in your life right now. Are you interested in anyone sexually? Same sex? Opposite sex? No sex? Has anything turned you off particularly about being in a relationship?
IMO, I think that when you are interested enough in someone, you will want to pursue a relationship further. Perhaps, you are holding out for high compatibility. A lot of girls your age are in fantasy land or whoring. That doesn't seem like you at all . If you wanted to talk with a professional, certainly do so if it will make you feel better.
Thanks
I'm not interested in anyone at the moment. I've always been attracted to men, and I don't really have an issue with what a relationship entails. I just haven't come across anyone I want to share that with. But I'm pretty sure if a man I'm interested in came across my path, I would know how to take it from there.
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. If you wanted to talk with a professional, certainly do so if it will make you feel better.
