How Do You View People Who Cry? (inability, woman, parent)

[ohhwanderlust]

Unless they're in physical pain or lost a loved one or something otherwise truly tragic occurred (like losing absolutely everything to a house fire or something), I can't help but feel instantly annoyed when I see someone cry (which means they're not just crying in private), like they just want pity or are being a drama queen. I even have this same instinctive reaction when I see kids crying. I know I'll need to try to change this about myself before I have a kid, since I don't want to unwittingly emotionally hurt them if they really do need to cry.

It's not that I'm a jerk...I think it's just not my typical reaction. I usually just isolate myself instead. I haven't cried since I was 13. I just have to remind myself that for some people, crying is a natural reaction for them, not just a ploy to get attention.

Now if they're crying out of happiness on the other hand, that's different. I'm happy they're so happy.

[pekemom]

I knew a couple of women who would cry because it would make others uncomfortable
and they would get their way...I noticed in both cases if the tears didn't work they
reverted to anger and yelling.

[jade408]

I am more like you OP, I haven't cried in a very long time. It was also probably in the 90s, when my grandmother died.

I don't have a big production on those crying ocassions. The tears just stream, and I might have the sniffles.

At some point, definitely in childhood, I learned to "control" my tears. When I would feel them start, I would halt them. It was probably learned, I have only seem my mom cry a handful of times. One of those times was when her mom died. And another was when one of her older sisters passed away. My family culture is to put on a brave face and deal with it.

There have been a few recent occasions where I felt like crying, but the tears wouldn't come out. One of my aunts passed away recently, and I was empathetic towards my cousins who lost their mom, and worried about the day I'd lose my own mother (she was quite a bit younger than my mom, but had a long term health issue).

I remember feeling a little jealous of a friend not too long ago. We were chatting and he seemed a little down. It was early in the phases of us getting to know each other at that point. He shared with me that he was crying because his grandmother's health was deteriorating, and he was sad and depressed. She was his confidant. Somehow that convo transitioned to other cases where he cried in movies and such.

I was jealous that he was so in touch with his own feelings that was, and was ok being vulnerable in that way. A few weeks later his grandma passed away. I was crushed for him, because I knew he was upset.

Every once in a while I have an urge to cry, but the tears do not seem to fall!

[tijlover]

The few times I've cried, particularly back in Sept. of 1994, I've looked upon it as pleasurable as having sex. Wishing it could go on and on and on! Then the tears stopped, and no tears have come forth since then, even at my mother's and father's funerals.

I would love to have a good long cry like I had in 9/1994 and if there was a cry pill I could take, I'd keep a good supply of them.

I work at a Long-Term Care/Rehab facility, and all it takes, at the nurse's desk, is to hear someone loudly crying on one of the halls, and someone is sent there to investigate, overlooking those that may be in greater pain but too proud, manly to show their emotions.

And you get there to the room and you investigate. Why are you crying?

"I can't sleep tonite! or: I can't get comfortable in bed! or: My daughter said she'd call tonite and she didn't!"

And with those addicted to pain medication, it's an attempt to get even more pain medication, which, in many cases, it's un-needed. They're simply bored from being cooped up in a hospital type room, and they know it will knock them out, a substitute for a powerful sleeping pill.

[baileyvpotter]

There are people who are very good at fake crying (crocodile tears) but deliberately use it as
a manipulative tool for selfish reasons (we've seen this many times in court cases and trials).
I can cry when I see something beautiful, hear music or when I see pain, suffering, injustice
inflicted on human beings (including animals). During these moments, most of the time no one will
notice other than my husband or children.
I have also shed some tears while laughing.

This link may be helpful
Why We Cry: The Truth About Tearing Up

[Crazee Cat Lady]

I cry often (less often than when I was younger though) - I am just an emotional and sensitive person. (I don't make a public display of it though, I do try to wait until I am home alone). Actually, I sort of feel like it is a gift, that I can "feel"
so much emotion and life, because I have noticed so many people in the world seem to lack so severely in this area.

When you allow yourself to be human, and to have compassion, and empathy the world takes on new proportions and dynamics. (And I despise someone who would use this an a manipulation ploy!) Crying is real, it's human. Crying to manipulate people is disgusting.

[PA2UK]

Originally Posted by tijlover

I once read that there's a razor thin line between crying and laughing, so for the non-criers, who do a lot of laughing, can we classify that as crying?

I have a cousin who seems to find any number of things laughable, and it's big hearty, body-shaking type laughs.

What do you think, laughing can serve as a substitute?

At my grandmother's funeral, as I was kneeling with my sister at the casket, and hearing the rather eerie, comical crying jags of my sister, I started laughing, couldn't help myself, as my sister kept poking me with her elbow to stop laughing, and as she poked me, I laughed all the more! I was roundly jumped on for that, from my parents, and the embarrassment stayed with me for years.

It is common for people to laugh when they are uncomfortable or don't know how to cope with their emotions - but no, I don't think it's the same as crying.

[thatguydownsouth]

I used to view people as weak if they cried. Now that I have gotten older and have grown some wisdom I realize that everybody is going through a lot and if someone is crying then that situation was probably the one straw to finally break the camels back.

[Tracysherm]

Originally Posted by tijlover

The few times I've cried, particularly back in Sept. of 1994, I've looked upon it as pleasurable as having sex. Wishing it could go on and on and on!

I would love to have a good long cry like I had in 9/1994 and if there was a cry pill I could take, I'd keep a good supply of them.

I certainly don't feel any pleasure in crying! I guess I can art least recognize that an emotional release can feel like a bit of a relief, when you have previously pent-up feelings, but the process of crying and the feeling that cause the crying are definitely unpleasant. This is excluding tears of joy or tears in response to something inspirational and touching; I'm talking about crying from emotional pain or sadness.


In the field of psychology, there used to be the belief in catharsis, that "getting it out" was helpful. But in recent years, a lot of clinical research has found that catharsis doesn't work like that, and some say it does not really exist. Studies have found that encouraging people to "get out" their anger actually leads to feeling higher levels of anger (so much for Primal Scream Therapy). Other pseudo-therapeutic interventions that involve "regression" to an infantile state to cry or throw tantrums have been similarly proven ineffective. Catharsis might only be effective when you're talking about "smaller" feelings, like frustration about some situation, and feeling better when you can "vent."


I think I even learned this on a personal level when I was a little kid. Crying felt bad, crying hurt, crying made me even feel sick in my stomach. Sometimes crying made me even feel like crying! On top of feeling bad about whatever negative thing was causing me to cry, now on top of it, I had all this embarrassment about crying itself. I think that the people who, as adults, fall down on the ground and screams and cry loudly are actually making themselves feel worse. If they have a motivation to make a spectacle of themselves, they might get that short term payoff, but long term, they've harmed themselves (I believe) by not developing healthier coping skills and retaining the habit of using the coping skills of a toddler.


Sure there are still people who talk about having a "good cry." But I really only think it feels good when the person had been suppressing or repressing a negative reaction and it's been boiling inside, causing internal distress. Yes, there is a release, but rather than comparing it to the release of an orgasm, it's probably closer to the release of finally being able to pee when you've been holding it in and had to go. But if you keep on crying and crying, I think the more time you spend in that "raw" state can cause damage. So when your crying stopped, that's because it needed to stop.

[animalcrazy]

I rarely cry and if I do it's usually over the loss of a pet. I deal with people leaving much easier. I don't know why, maybe it has to do with the years and years of watching people die at work?

I was just thinking about PaPa who left us almost two years ago when I woke up this morning. Yes I miss him dearly but his memory made me smile.

I laugh a lot and I have a great life. There's just no reason to cry. Do I envy people who cry easily? No. I think it's sad. I hate to be unhappy and will do what ever it takes to eliminate the source. I prefer laughter to tears.