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We can tell what you think about extroverts from your post.
Yep!
I am naturally very introverted and force myself to "put myself out there" primarily for the reasons of being understood in any given setting, and letting people know how I feel (they can't mystically just guess, when I'm sitting there in the back with a puss on my face). I don't think extroverts are The Debbil. They are who they are, I am who I am and what I like best is when people are able to "get" one another, and I don't begrudge someone being different or for "misinterpreting" what amounts to my total lack of signals (how could they do otherwise?).
And definitely I don't think extroverts are all doing things just for attention. That's who they are...I don't think everyone who organizes something for the office or things like that is just looking to brag/get kudos or anything like that. Extroverts want to reach out, want to connect and want to have people around them (generally...not all the time, LOL) and if that seems flashy or show-off-like, well, what can I say...it sounds more like anger at a group to me than an honest assessment of motive.
Introverts are no more one homogeneous likeminded blob than extroverts (or any other category) are...one introvert definitely does not speak for all.
No, you don't get it. People want to hear from me. They get mad when I don't talk enough, saying they have to do more of the work. I guess people actually think I have smart things to say.
Most introverts do have smart things to say. Do you not have smart things to say? With extroverts, it isn't always important whether or not the things you have to say are smart or not. They want to hear something. Sometimes something is better than nothing with extroverts.
As an introvert, I want to make sure that whenever I do say something it was worth listening to. Whether it is smart, or deep, profound, or insightful, that really is not my issue at all. I can only do that part of the time, and I can't do that at will.
The real truth of the matter is that I don't really pay a lot of attention to what extroverts are saying. How they're saying it is a lot more entertaining, as is why.
I know some quiet people that do give off a snobby vibe or come across as aloof or seem like they dislike people.
I know some other quiet people and introverts who don't give off any of the aforementioned things and don't come across as weird at all, not even to chatty extroverts. These quiet people tend to be very likable, even though they don't speak 100,000 words per day. Even if the quiet person is awkward from time to time, others don't really mind.
For the former group, there's something more than their mere lack of socializing that's causing people to think "snobby" or "aloof". There's a difference between a quiet person and an antisocial person.
Also, I disagree with the point someone in this thread made that you must be extroverted in order to succeed in the world. That's false. There are quite a few introverts and a decent number of quiet people that have achieved great success and leadership, even in areas that are highly public facing. Those people are usually confident and understand the unwritten importance of social/cultural awareness and social etiquette. They'll still either do their part to contribute socially (e.g. in a group setting)...or if they really don't want to for a particular situation, they'll refrain from putting themselves into that situation at all.
I can be very social when I'm with people who check off enough things and interests shared. But those are VERY unusual moments. My best place in the world is a con suite at a medium sized science fiction con about midnight on Saturday night, when everyone goes party hopping. These are MY kind of people. They share my vision of the world. They get my jokes. I've wished life could just freeze there for a while.
Conventional people who have conventional thoughts... and there really isn't an opening, I let them drift away. People who click in some one way I can love their company, but when you run out of that subject its kind of back to square one. Mostly social people leave me alone since they figure out that's what I want.
But being successful, what is success? If in order to be told you are doing things as you should you have to wear a mask, why even bother? If your personal values disagree then when you are allowed to be you, its success. If its having all the 'stuff' your supposed to, what if you only want the stuff that interests you and don't want the rest? You are a success or not based on your personal values not some measure of society.
So, you are writing off everyone who doesn't share your love of science fiction? You are saying everyone but you and your fellow S-F fans are "conventional"? And, conventional is your idea of crummy, right?
Look, if you don't like being stereotyped because you are the quiet type, why would you stereotype more outgoing types? I want to suggest that when you don't speak with other people because it takes too much effort you can't get to know some pretty interesting people, who might not be so conventional after all.
This world is filled with people of all beliefs and interests. It seems to me that you are isolating yourself needlessly, filling your world with only one sort of person. This is what cults do, you know?
I am naturally very introverted and force myself to "put myself out there" primarily for the reasons of being understood in any given setting, and letting people know how I feel (they can't mystically just guess, when I'm sitting there in the back with a puss on my face). I don't think extroverts are The Debbil. They are who they are, I am who I am and what I like best is when people are able to "get" one another, and I don't begrudge someone being different or for "misinterpreting" what amounts to my total lack of signals (how could they do otherwise?).
And definitely I don't think extroverts are all doing things just for attention. That's who they are...I don't think everyone who organizes something for the office or things like that is just looking to brag/get kudos or anything like that. Extroverts want to reach out, want to connect and want to have people around them (generally...not all the time, LOL) and if that seems flashy or show-off-like, well, what can I say...it sounds more like anger at a group to me than an honest assessment of motive.
Introverts are no more one homogeneous likeminded blob than extroverts (or any other category) are...one introvert definitely does not speak for all.
Also, I disagree with the point someone in this thread made that you must be extroverted in order to succeed in the world. That's false. There are quite a few introverts and a decent number of quiet people that have achieved great success and leadership, even in areas that are highly public facing. Those people are usually confident and understand the unwritten importance of social/cultural awareness and social etiquette. They'll still either do their part to contribute socially (e.g. in a group setting)...or if they really don't want to for a particular situation, they'll refrain from putting themselves into that situation at all.
For the record, I'm aware that most extroverts are benign; I'm simply describing the one extrovert I happen to be forced to encounter on a daily basis.
I know some quiet people that do give off a snobby vibe or come across as aloof or seem like they dislike people.
I know some other quiet people and introverts who don't give off any of the aforementioned things and don't come across as weird at all, not even to chatty extroverts. These quiet people tend to be very likable, even though they don't speak 100,000 words per day. Even if the quiet person is awkward from time to time, others don't really mind.
For the former group, there's something more than their mere lack of socializing that's causing people to think "snobby" or "aloof". There's a difference between a quiet person and an antisocial person.
I agree with that, however...
Quote:
Also, I disagree with the point someone in this thread made that you must be extroverted in order to succeed in the world. That's false. There are quite a few introverts and a decent number of quiet people that have achieved great success and leadership, even in areas that are highly public facing. Those people are usually confident and understand the unwritten importance of social/cultural awareness and social etiquette. They'll still either do their part to contribute socially (e.g. in a group setting)...or if they really don't want to for a particular situation, they'll refrain from putting themselves into that situation at all.
I don't think the point was intended that "...you must be extroverted in order to succeed in the world."
Rather, the point was that being outspoken is the characteristic recognized by the world.
Few people are going to look around for the person who never at some point blows his own horn. It's not often going to happen that the world says, "Hey, let's ask that quiet guy in the corner what he thinks."
Now, I do that with the quiet people who work for me as a matter of having learned how to be an effective leader...but that's not the "way of the world."
It's not a matter of whether the person is natively an extrovert or an introvert. As has been said over and over again in this thread, many of us introverts speak when it's important to speak, and have learned do so easily and eloquently.
I think op has a good point though... While it is important to understand and respect natural introversion, it is also important to attend to the needs of the group when you are in a group situation. Often, hanging back and being silent can be seen as discomfort, dislike, or boredom by others, and it will make them uncomfortable. I am not advocating for care-taking for other people socially (sometimes being silent and letting them squirm is ok to do) but to be awAre that not contributing to group conversation can cause anxiety for other members.
Also on the subject of groups, like therapy and work groups, sometimes the person who talks or volunteers all the time doesn't actually enjoy talking... They just feel compelled to do so because everyone else is being silent. It is important for all group members to contribute equal work for a group to be successful. This is the job of the moderator or group leader, to make sure that people contribute.
There are some good points here.
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