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Professionally I am perfectly fine if you want to stay within your own head and do your job and go home and I never hear from you. I care about the job you are doing for me/the company first and foremost. The downside to that of course it that it will stifle your career advancement because you will never be on my mind when thinking of projects etc that will help you advance.
Personally I dont need you to be the life of the party. Sure, I'd like to know you are there but you by no means need to be the center of attention.
Don't change too much, this world is full of blow hard over-talkers, we could use a few more people that can shut what they call the hell up once in an while.
From another fellow quiet person, it's nice to hear that.
My last boyfriend broke it off because he was one of those blow hard over-talkers you speak of and I'm the introvert. Apparently my type of personality had no value to him and he didn't learn a single thing from me (when in reality, he could have learned A LOT).
I'm slowing learning to embrace being the quiet type. We're good listeners. And while we might not have boatloads of friends like the extroverts do, the few friends we do have are close because we actually have the skills to form deep friendships. We're also reflective which helps us grow into the best people we can be.
Generally I'm quiet, and will express myself if called upon, but might or might not go beyond the first step of having my say. IF you are one who enjoys parrying with ideas, though, I may just keep going until someone quits. It's something I really enjoy. Its even better if the other person enjoys it just as much.
I'm quiet and introverted, but also very much an intellecutal, but I temper the ideals with the way in reality it doesn't always work out the way we can see it could. Get into that kind of discussion and I'll talk until they close the room.
But I also have to get a sense of the room and the people in it. If they don't pass the 'sniff' test and seem more like showoffs than someone with a point, I'll leave asap, and do people watching the rest of the time.
It took a while to understand that not everyone gets the difference between blue skying it with what if's and taking the same down to the more likely reality. It still seems surprising since its feels obvious to me. But we're all made different and I have a lot of trouble just being 'in the moment'. The times it happens are wonderful but not so often. Gain something and lose something....
Quiet ones are comfortable in their own skin and don't follow the pack. I admire their strength to stand on their own. Unfortunately, I find that they make those in their presence uncomfortable and tend to be judged alot.
I am a person who has forced myself to be able to schmooz. I am very good at talking to individuals, or small groups, but to speak up in a class, especially to be called upon by surprise, was a huge fear of mine, which caused me to be inarticulate.
All I can say is that I work on it, and working on our weak points is what makes us better people.
Fear of public speaking, and this is a version of that (fear of being judged) is one of the most common fears that we humans have.
I forced myself to be a museum docent, where I had to give info to different groups of people at a moments notice. Sometimes it was a group of first graders, and sometimes a group of college art students. Every time, I dreaded it, and every time, it made me feel triumphant because I was good at it.
Even now, many years later, the only thing I do similar is to read stories to kindergarteners. I am still always nervous beforehand that it will not go well. It always does. I could go to a shrink, I guess, but I'm 68 now, so I guess I'll just tolerate it.
To answer the Ops original question...quiet people, if they do it right, are perceived as being good listeners. If they do it wrong, they are perceived as unengaged or socially inept.
Quiet ones are comfortable in their own skin and don't follow the pack. I admire their strength to stand on their own. Unfortunately, I find that they make those in their presence uncomfortable and tend to be judged alot.
In "general" most outgoing or extroverted personalities will see quiet or introverted just as uncomfortable as introverts will see being loud or forthright and place their own insecurities on to each others traits to make up how they feel about the opposite way of being.
IE: silence is an insecurity zone for extrovertedness. Without something stimulating happening to sooth it's creating a very uncomfortable space to reside within.
Likewise, the opposite is true to introverted natures.
I am introverted by nature. I have had to learn when to subject myself or just allow myself to be who I really am. I do this by focusing on end goals and not so heavily on moments.
In your case it would be to forego allowing myself to worry or think about my next words and focus on putting myself out their becuase I know allowing myself to participate in something will ultimatly make me feel great come the end of it. The experience will be rewarding even if their are indivual moments of anxiety getting myself to the end.
Doing this enough makes most of the anxiety marginalized. It won't go away completely, by nature I am just who I am...but by allowing myself the freedom to put myself out their and take the focus away from being so moment to moment and shifting thought over to an overall experience, it helps me personally quite a bit.
I'm some of both intro- and extroversion. But, I am able to talk to almost anyone who is willing to talk to me. Frankly, what is tiring for many people is the refusal of some of you to even try to hold up your end of the conversation. And, now we are hearing from so many, that intros are hostile to any conversation, except on their terms.
Sometimes this is OK, but sometimes, if for example, I am meeting you for the first time and trying to make pleasant conversation, this lack of silence is frustrating and feels hostile.
However this OP says he thinks he is in the habit of simply not talking. So, speak up already. Speak up especially if you have a good thought or knowledge of the subject at hand. If you hold back all the time, when you really should express yourself, you might well become emotional or explosive when you feel you really must say something. You will be so out of practice, you'll have trouble. Never, ever communicating in a group, is lazy or hostile or fearful behavior. This is not behavior that suits anyone.
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