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Since I was young, I have never liked my name. My first name isn't bad, but it's uncommon and confusing and people always misspell it, and it was always the butt of jokes in school. I would go by my middle name, but I am named after a crazy uncle who I absolutely can't stand and despise sharing his name. I am considering legally changing my first and middle name. However, I am worried that this might seem very weird. Marriage, divorce, and gender transition are usually the only circumstances where people change their name and for me, it's none of those things. I think a lot of it comes down to how I see myself and the "negative" connotations that come with my birth name. Changing it will allow me to leave behind a past I would rather forget.
Is it strange that I want to change my name? Should I do it? Also, what kind of impact would this have on things like my employer and other relationships? I don't expect my family to ever call me anything other than my birth name and I am okay with that.
It is probably unusual but not strange. It is less common only because most people don't realize that it's relatively easy to do and that you can do it for any reason. Generally you just have to prove that you're not trying to elude the law or debts or have some other nefarious purpose, which is completely understandable.
The other problem I suppose people have with it is that it can be perceived as a rejection of your given name by your family of origin but particularly if you're keeping your last name that's kind of a weak argument.
Unless you have a separate history of mental health issues that this feeds into somehow, and you're not doing it because of some ideological reason (e.g, you've joined a cult and they are ordering you to change your name to something of their choosing, or you have a controlling S.O. that's demanding it for some reason, etc) I don't see anything wrong with it.
I guess what people in my life's reaction would be.
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Originally Posted by mordant
It is probably unusual but not strange. It is less common only because most people don't realize that it's relatively easy to do and that you can do it for any reason. Generally you just have to prove that you're not trying to elude the law or debts or have some other nefarious purpose, which is completely understandable.
The other problem I suppose people have with it is that it can be perceived as a rejection of your given name by your family of origin but particularly if you're keeping your last name that's kind of a weak argument.
Unless you have a separate history of mental health issues that this feeds into somehow, and you're not doing it because of some ideological reason (e.g, you've joined a cult and they are ordering you to change your name to something of their choosing, or you have a controlling S.O. that's demanding it for some reason, etc) I don't see anything wrong with it.
Yeah it's definitely not a legal thing or because I've joined a cult. It's just I've always disliked my birth name. The two hangups are my family's perceived rejection of my given name as well as convincing people to call me by my new name (and their reactions when I tell them I've changed it).
The two hangups are my family's perceived rejection of my given name as well as convincing people to call me by my new name (and their reactions when I tell them I've changed it).
I would guess that is what holds most people back.
On the one hand, if your name is something along the lines of Odious T. Fringbat and everyone but your mother laughs at it, I think your mother just has to get over herself, especially if you're not rejecting the family name. On the other hand if it's not actually a study in comedy but just something you personally dislike for totally subjective reasons ... you have to consider the cost vs benefits as well as be very sure that you are not assigning this as your #1 challenge in life when there are really 27 other challenges that are more important. I can't believe you don't have bigger fish to fry. Try to be honest with yourself if this is just a deflection from more important things that you should deal with.
If your first name is innocuous to most people maybe it's more a problem in between your ears than in reality. You might get as much actual "lift" from just letting it go, as from changing it.
I've had this urge. I don't like my name. Any time anyone uses it, especially in its formal form (v. nickname), I feel like I'm being yelled at and am in big trouble.
But I have kept it. I don't know...at this point in my life it would seem so odd to change it.
I do have a friend who changed her name, legally. But she began informally using her "new" name when she was still a teenager. Now she's 50. So the majority of her life has been spent using the name she wasn't born with, and therefore she thinks of herself that way and so does everyone else...it would be weird to me now to call her by her given name. I think she had it formally changed when she was 18 or something like that.
it's not that unusual to change your name. Some people do this at some kind of life transition, like if beloved parents or grandparents die, and they may want to take a grand-parent's name, or they may want to signal that a new stage of life has begun. (In traditional societies, this was done through ritual. Even in modern society, some people feel a need to mark a major change in life.) Some want to get rid of a name that's too difficult to deal with, spelling-wise, pronunciation-wise, and all that. Others want a more professional-sounding name and image. Actors and actresses famously have changed their name from something clutzy-sounding to something more flashy or debonair-sounding. (Norma Jean = Marilyn Monroe) It happens more often than you think.
The question is, if you change your first and middle names, would you want your family members to use the new name? Or would it be ok if they used the old one? Old habits die hard, but I've seen family members adjust to a new name. It's doable.
It's not a big deal, but changing a name you've been known by for much of your life is hard to successfully do, unless you are leaving something beyond and starting over. Even then, it can be tough.
My college roommate decided to go by another name when she started college. Everyone from her pre-college life called her by her original name.
I have an ex who unsuccessfully tried to transition to a different name. It didn't "take."
I've had this urge. I don't like my name. Any time anyone uses it, especially in its formal form (v. nickname), I feel like I'm being yelled at and am in big trouble.
Lol, same here. My mother and a few grade school teachers are the only persons who ever addressed me by my formal first name, and so I too associate that with having been caught out doing something displeasing to authority if not outright naughty. But it's a self limiting problem; virtually no one addresses me that formally, Mom and my early teachers have long since slipped this mortal coil, etc.
I'm talking things like Bob vs Robert, Steve vs. Stephen, etc.
You know what I've considered every once in a while? Changing back to my maiden name. I haven't used my maiden name since the late 1990s. But every once in a while I remember, "Oh, I used to be (First Name_Maiden Name)" and I think...hmmmm.
I did willingly take on my married name, though. It's not like my husband twisted my arm. In fact, he asked me which way I was going to go with that. He didn't assume.
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