Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I have a close friend who is self absorbed. I pretty much ended our friendship because of it; in the end I felt used and led on somewhat. Day to day he was pleasant but eventually it wore me down that he had zero interest in anything I was into and never asked questions that usually come up organically. (Like he never asked where I was from, where I went to school or even my cat's name who would come out to stare at him).
On his own it seems, he realized he is self absorbed and he'd like to improve. I don't know where to start other than suggesting he ask pertinent questions.
Interest in others come naturally to me and I have mad convo skillz yo.
Any input? And feel free to rant about others who are self absorbed! I know a whole lots of those people
I know there are all kinds. At least my friend always gave me room to ramble on about any topic. Eventually I got self conscious because he didn't seem interested. Other self absorbed of course give me no allowance to speak at all about myself.
The only problem I have with self-absorbed people is they expect you to be completely absorbed with them, too.. I ended a friendship w/ a chic like that. No room to speak, never inquired about me, and always rambling on about the same dumb sh. . , (i.e. Herself) Like, did I even ask?!? I said "What's up" 45 minutes ago, can we get to the part where you ask how I'm doing for once..? Lol
I've got someone I've known for over 30 yrs. We were kids together. Our parents were very good friends. She's changed and became SELF ABSORBED. It's a kind of narcissism. They either only talk about themselves for a long time or just let you talk while they tune out. They get glassy eyes and a blank face but they won't comment. Of course you end up feeling stupid because at some point you realize all that shyte you just said, they weren't even listening. They'll make no comment or dumb comments and that's how you know you just wasted all that time talking about something. They can also whine on and on, or brag on and on. But yes, they never EVER show interest in you or ask any questions. You have to let them go eventually. They take up too much energy and you feel depleted later. VAMPIRES.
I have a close friend who is self absorbed. I pretty much ended our friendship because of it; in the end I felt used and led on somewhat. Day to day he was pleasant but eventually it wore me down that he had zero interest in anything I was into and never asked questions that usually come up organically. (Like he never asked where I was from, where I went to school or even my cat's name who would come out to stare at him).
On his own it seems, he realized he is self absorbed and he'd like to improve. I don't know where to start other than suggesting he ask pertinent questions.
Interest in others come naturally to me and I have mad convo skillz yo.
Any input? And feel free to rant about others who are self absorbed! I know a whole lots of those people
I know there are all kinds. At least my friend always gave me room to ramble on about any topic. Eventually I got self conscious because he didn't seem interested. Other self absorbed of course give me no allowance to speak at all about myself.
Well, he could be not very bright, and simply not interested in very many things. Or he could be simply not interested in you. Since you know him best, I'd say he probably is as you say--self absorbed to a great degree.
Silibran, I brought that up, that I assumed he had zero interest. I also tried really hard to be interesting and funny etc...thinking "I'll win him over dammit!" but nothing. Eventually I was like, he clearly thinks I'm a big dull dud, why am I trying? Plenty of ppl think I'm cool and like my fun personality.
Anyway, he says he *is* interested in others. Now that we've been candidly talking. He's been asking likely questions now on purpose.
He had a terrible upbringing but maintained a good heart. He's also much healthier than many many people I know. He hasn't had many long friendships but is a good husband and father, which is waaaay more important. He is not shallow and isn't interested in shallow friendships, that might be an issue. He tends to like being friends with women because we talk and talk whereas many male friendships are about shared activities/experiences. Not less valid, just different.
I think he can be re-trained . My mother was a horrible interrupter and once I was 22 and moved far away after college and I worked on it with her because it was unbearable conversing with her. She had habits, as we all do, and breaking them can be done, takes mindfulness and effort (and desire of course).
I used to have a friend who would call me at night after she'd been drinking and then ramble for hours. If I tried to add anything at all to the conversation, she'd say, "Hold that thought." I do not talk on the phone with her at all anymore. Not even for one minute. Won't do it.
My brother is like that. We're all supposed to listen with rapt attention when he's waxing poetic on his favorite subject.....himself. I was recently out to dinner with him (Mothers Day so I couldn't beg off) and was shocked he actually asked a question about my life. He wanted to know when my youngest daughter was graduating from college. She's 28 and graduated in 2010, so yeah, he's super interested in other people. LOL.
I used to have a friend who would call me at night after she'd been drinking and then ramble for hours. If I tried to add anything at all to the conversation, she'd say, "Hold that thought."
I used to have a friend who would call me at night after she'd been drinking and then ramble for hours. If I tried to add anything at all to the conversation, she'd say, "Hold that thought." I do not talk on the phone with her at all anymore. Not even for one minute. Won't do it.
Quote:
Originally Posted by UNC4Me
My brother is like that. We're all supposed to listen with rapt attention when he's waxing poetic on his favorite subject.....himself. I was recently out to dinner with him (Mothers Day so I couldn't beg off) and was shocked he actually asked a question about my life. He wanted to know when my youngest daughter was graduating from college. She's 28 and graduated in 2010, so yeah, he's super interested in other people. LOL.
Wow.
I'm kinda like the mindset of "You get a turn or I get a turn". Like if you are getting married soon it can be mostly about YOU right now. But later I need a turn because I lost my job or whatever. And of course nice when things are going well for all and no one needs a turn.
I have an uncle who brags about himself nonstop. No one in the fam can stand him (that and other junk). He acts like a spoiled primadonna teen girl and always has throughout his now 65 years. He's so inappropriate in so many ways with his "demands". He is unreal. Hates being told what to do at all - like when my dad told him he is not to just walk into their house unannounced any time he feels like stopping over.We got the silent treatment for weeks for that. I cant even...
Silibran, I brought that up, that I assumed he had zero interest. I also tried really hard to be interesting and funny etc...thinking "I'll win him over dammit!" but nothing. Eventually I was like, he clearly thinks I'm a big dull dud, why am I trying? Plenty of ppl think I'm cool and like my fun personality.
Anyway, he says he *is* interested in others. Now that we've been candidly talking. He's been asking likely questions now on purpose.
He had a terrible upbringing but maintained a good heart. He's also much healthier than many many people I know. He hasn't had many long friendships but is a good husband and father, which is waaaay more important. He is not shallow and isn't interested in shallow friendships, that might be an issue. He tends to like being friends with women because we talk and talk whereas many male friendships are about shared activities/experiences. Not less valid, just different.
I think he can be re-trained. My mother was a horrible interrupter and once I was 22 and moved far away after college and I worked on it with her because it was unbearable conversing with her. She had habits, as we all do, and breaking them can be done, takes mindfulness and effort (and desire of course).
I'm similar in the sense where I often make excuses for people who are too self absorbed to excuse themselves... If you have that kind of *time + energy* to re-train a grown-ass man who is neither your husband nor family ~ Hey, good luck. Regardless if you see it or not, it's still all about him!
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
. My mother was a horrible interrupter and once I was 22 and moved far away after college and I worked on it with her because it was unbearable conversing with her. She had habits, as we all do, and breaking them can be done, takes mindfulness and effort (and desire of course).
