"Must be Nice...?" Huh? Actually, Yes and Thanks for Asking! (men, husband)
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Consuming, seething envy is a little strange to me. I've always been a bit of a "don't get mad, get even" sort of guy when it comes to personal success. In terms of socioeconomic status and generally happiness, I've done better than some, not as well as others, and really that's OK.
Help me out here, C-D:
"Must be nice!"...from an ex who didn't make much money and found it disturbing I could shop at nicer clothiers. I'm single, always will be, with good income. She chose to have a child with her ex, leave him (divorce), and suffer the single mother's curse of seldom having quite enough for a comfortable lifestyle. Life is tough for many single moms, 'tis true. That has...what exactly...to do with me...?
"Must be nice!"...when I have time for personally fulfilling trips domestically and internationally, to explore a new-to-me place, culture, or hobby. They've chosen to have a wife (or husband), and/or one to many children, and take the income and time hit. Those decisions, regretful as they may be in my opinion, do consume time and resources. I seldom if-ever outwardly judge their choices one way or the other...?
"Must be nice!" ...when I turn up with a new sports car, every five years or so. That's my thing: I've saved for retirement, make the mortgage promptly, and am blessed with extra income. See above: that results from choices, not Leprechauns, Faery Dust, or buying lottery tickets. Men needs hobbies, that's one of mine...?
My life isn't perfect. There are probably more than a few folks within ten blocks with greater income, who perhaps even feel themselves more fulfilled than me in their relationships, parenthood, careers, other choices they've made.
Bully for them, I say. What, i should envy that and "Must be nice?" in a sarcastic way to them, too? See second sentence, above. I just...don't...get it. Never have.
Obviously, it does bother me a bit to hear these comments, though. My sarcasm meter can be lower than most, smarminess sometimes sails right over my head though if it's obvious enough, I do get it.
Someone take a crack at explaining Schadenfreude for me, people, though strictly speaking I suppose that's dwelling on someone's "mis" -fortune, not envying others.
There is only one proper way to respond to that expression of jealousy: Just say, "Yes, it is." No snark or arrogance, just a flat statement of affirmation.
After all, there is NO way to say, "Must be nice!" that doesn't come with a . You're right; they aren't trying to share any happiness with you. They're just trying to drag you down to their level of misery.
Just don't take the bait, don't let it make you quiet. Just move forward. It is their issue, not yours.
Of course, you should leave out all the judgy stuff you wrote about THEIR life choices.
I don't think the comment as sarcastic or coming from jealousy.
In my experience, "Must be nice!" come from exasperation or simply a desire to shut the other person up. The person saying that can be tired of the bragging.
Your post comes across as judgmental and braggy.
You do not just get new cars.... you get new sports cars every five years, while they chose a spouse and children.
etc.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Wmsn4Life
Just say, "Yes, it is." No snark or arrogance, just a flat statement of affirmation.
When I encounter self satisfied braggers, I never say "Must be nice". I say "That's nice". And I repeat it until they get I don't care about their sports car or whatever. I'm glad for people who are doing well and enjoying their lives, but there's a difference between those who are and yet feel no need to brag about it and the bragging by people who live to convince others they are "winning" life.
People value different things. Just because someone feels the need to crow about their choices or what they own doesn't mean the other person is jealous if they don't respond in a manner you find appropriate. In their head they may be thinking they wouldn't want or enjoy your life at all.
When I encounter self satisfied braggers, I never say "Must be nice". I say "That's nice". And I repeat it until they get I don't care about their sports car or whatever. I'm glad for people who are doing well and enjoying their lives, but there's a difference between those who are and yet feel no need to brag about it and the bragging by people who live to convince others they are "winning" life.
People value different things. Just because someone feels the need to crow about their choices or what they own doesn't mean the other person is jealous if they don't respond in a manner you find appropriate. In their head they may be thinking they wouldn't want or enjoy your life at all.
Bully for them, I say. What, i should envy that and "Must be nice?" in a sarcastic way to them, too? See second sentence, above. I just...don't...get it. Never have.
Obviously, it does bother me a bit to hear these comments, though.
Wait...
First you act as if you take pleasure in the fact that you are more successful than these people - but then in the same post you say their comments bother you??
First you act as if you take pleasure in the fact that you are more successful than these people - but then in the same post you say their comments bother you??
So which is it?
Thought I mentioned that "successful" is in the eye of the beholder...how one defines it is quite personal.
It's when someone looks at another and says "must be nice..." that I start to grow a bit puzzled. Yes, it, umm, is nice to live my life, via my choices? Isn't living your life via your choices nice too?
That's the question, hey? I take pleasure in none of the above, but do try and get along with others. Smart### comments like "must be nice" don't usually lead to interpersonal harmony.
Consuming, seething envy is a little strange to me. I've always been a bit of a "don't get mad, get even" sort of guy when it comes to personal success. In terms of socioeconomic status and generally happiness, I've done better than some, not as well as others, and really that's OK.
"Must be nice!"...when I have time for personally fulfilling trips domestically and internationally, to explore a new-to-me place, culture, or hobby. They've chosen to have a wife (or husband), and/or one to many children, and take the income and time hit. Those decisions, regretful as they may be in my opinion, do consume time and resources. I seldom if-ever outwardly judge their choices one way or the other...?
"Must be nice!" ...when I turn up with a new sports car, every five years or so. That's my thing: I've saved for retirement, make the mortgage promptly, and am blessed with extra income. See above: that results from choices, not Leprechauns, Faery Dust, or buying lottery tickets. Men needs hobbies, that's one of mine...?
My life isn't perfect. There are probably more than a few folks within ten blocks with greater income, who perhaps even feel themselves more fulfilled than me in their relationships, parenthood, careers, other choices they've made.
...but some examples you gave certainly do sound like bragging. If you are saying these things
on a regular basis to people (which I think you do) obviously some may find them annoying and
repetitive. So the quickest solution or their chance to escape is to say that phrase.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pitt Chick
I don't think the comment as sarcastic or coming from jealousy.
In my experience, "Must be nice!" come from exasperation or simply a desire to shut the other person up. The person saying that can be tired of the bragging.
Your post comes across as judgmental and braggy.
You do not just get new cars.... you get new sports cars every five years, while they chose a spouse and children.
etc.
That works, both for you and the listener.
Quote:
Originally Posted by UNC4Me
When I encounter self satisfied braggers, I never say "Must be nice". I say "That's nice". And I repeat it until they get I don't care about their sports car or whatever. I'm glad for people who are doing well and enjoying their lives, but there's a difference between those who are and yet feel no need to brag about it and the bragging by people who live to convince others they are "winning" life.
People value different things. Just because someone feels the need to crow about their choices or what they own doesn't mean the other person is jealous if they don't respond in a manner you find appropriate. In their head they may be thinking they wouldn't want or enjoy your life at all.
I get where you are coming from, I have had family members and coworkers tell me "Must be nice to be able to go [insert a vacation destination, usually overseas/Europe]"
They seem to always say it in a sneery sort of way, implying that because I am single and with no kids, that I can spend my money on vacations and traveling, while they HAVE to spend their money on their kids/mortgage/house, etc.
Choices. I chose not to have kids and I enjoy traveling so I make sure to find a way to always have to the time and money for my enjoyment. My family members chose to get married, have kids, get the house with the mortgage, therefore they will not have much time or money for traveling overseas. It is what it is.
Anyway, I don't see where the OP is bragging. He is just telling it like it is.
[BlondeBaerde, cool blog you have, I look forward to reading it]
I get where you are coming from, I have had family members and coworkers tell me "Must be nice to be able to go [insert a vacation destination, usually overseas/Europe]"
They seem to always say it in a sneery sort of way, implying that because I am single and with no kids, that I can spend my money on vacations and traveling, while they HAVE to spend their money on their kids/mortgage/house, etc.
Choices. I chose not to have kids and I enjoy traveling so I make sure to find a way to always have to the time and money for my enjoyment. My family members chose to get married, have kids, get the house with the mortgage, therefore they will not have much time or money for traveling overseas. It is what it is.
Anyway, I don't see where the OP is bragging. He is just telling it like it is.
[BlondeBaerde, cool blog you have, I look forward to reading it]
Eh. I started this thread calling for opinions, receiving several thus far I don't particularly understand. That is okay, I reckon: read, ponder, grow. Welcome to C-D.
Yes, it's the "sneery" part I find mildly offensive, hurtful, or simply puzzling. Best to mostly keep quiet, apparently, to not be perceived as a braggart, though timidity isn't my style. I'm all-for others finding their own version of success and/or simple happiness, simply asking in-return they not trample mine.
So you travel, great. To the theme of the thread, I like to hear travel stories about interesting destinations. I'm inspired, not jealous, and don't make snotty comments if at current I can't afford the time/money to also travel to that destination. Last year I saved most of a year to spend three weeks on an African adventure very few would tackle, and gained a lifetime of interesting stories and memories. I was inspired by a friend-of-a-friend, who is a minor celebrity in the UK. Not by smart*** "must be nice" from the Ex- and others who had made different life-choices.
Yes, that is simply how it is. Appreciate the comments.
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. You're right; they aren't trying to share any happiness with you. They're just trying to drag you down to their level of misery.
