Looking to belong. (depressed, mom, parent, people)

[reed067]

Okay, as some of you know my mom passed not to long ago. And I admitted that I loved her but didn't like her.




As time goes on I have come to realize that I have never belonged any where I've moved around a lot & never got the chance to develop childhood friends like some have. I have tons of family back North & as much as I want to be close to them they don't seem very interested. I told one of my cousin's that I didn't want to lose touch them again, her mom & her dad died within five years from the other. And our grandmother passed too. I was hoping that they would know how I feel & reach out more. I can only keep trying to reach out to them for so long before I give up.


Sadly my mom was the closest family member I had & now that she's gone there seems to be a void there. Was never close to my dad & he's been dead for 16 years now. I have my wife & I have told her how I felt she understands this too, as she has moved around much herself. I'm happy I have her in my life don't get me wrong but not having blood family to reach out to & say "Hi, what's up?" tends to me one feel a bit more alone. Perhaps it's because for the time we are staying in the house she left us. Or that her death is still very recent.


I've always had friend who were closer then blood although this seems to be pretty common these days.


At some point in our lives, do we all tend to feel this way? Either with family or friends maybe even both?

[JrzDefector]

I had family and few select friends, but I grew up feeling very much like an outcast. I eventually managed to turn that around. You need to build yourself a community.

Get involved in a few activities with your wife and on your own. Meetup groups are great for this, but you have to try a bunch to find the right ones.

Introduce friends from different parts of your life to each other. I used to throw some amazing parties with former coworkers, neighbors, cousins and old school friends. They inevitably went til 2 or 3 in the morning and everyone had a lovely time. It was really funny who gravitated to who. Host a couple of low-key game nights maybe and invite a random selection of friends.

Talk to the people you encounter in your daily life - the counter people, the gas station attendants, restaurant servers, receptionists, etc. Everyone likes to be asked how their day is going, especially when you don't make it seem like a rhetorical question but an honest inquiry.

Volunteer for a cause you are passionate about.

Perform random acts of kindness for the people you care about. When my friends are depressed or stressed, I like to send them little wacky trinkets. My one best friend loves cats and was very stressed about work, so I sent her a set of cat-butt magnets. It looks like there's a cat's tush emerging from your fridge. I could tell it tickled her. Bring someone coffee who is going through a rough time. Offer to help someone tackle a project you know they dread.

It's really about cementing ties, but also it should be something you do just because you enjoy helping out someone important to you.

[bigpaul]

I grew up as an only child, always on my own, parents are both gone now.
I prefer my own company, don't need the company of others.
I guess we must all find our own paths in life, mine happens to be a solitary one.