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Got divorced about eight months ago, and my life since then has been an emotional rollercoaster - from having a rebound relationship, to feeling totally out of place in any possible way, to feeling somewhat depressed, bored, and even panicky at times.
My main feeling right now- a linear boredom, that worries me, because I've always been an upbeat person, always up for something, always socializing. I am dating someone who is wonderful to me- in fact he would be the perfect person to fall in love with, but I can't. I have a full time job, which is probably one of the few things that makes me feel somewhat normal. Other than that, nothing excites me. I think of doing certain activities that I once enjoyed- laying on the beach, hiking, visiting a new place, etc, but when I get to do it, I just somehow don't feel as thrilled as I wish I was. Everything right now is just "meh", and nothing really makes me feel truly alive.
Is that depression? Has someone gone through this before? How did you get over it?
"Excitement" is overrated in my opinion. I strive for "content." People that require too much excitement often allow in too much drama as well.
Like you said, your life has recently been an emotional rollercoaster. That's a lot of emotional stimulation. Your mind is probably helping you cope by sort-of turning your idle speed down a little. If you started getting "excited' about positive things, that would also mean being more emotional reactive to negative things too. Isn't the emotional roller-coaster enough stimulation?
When things in your life setting down more, and you're off the roller-coaster, your excitement set-point will probably adjust again, and then you'll probably get as enthusiastic as you used to get about good things, and as reactive as you used to get about negative things.
What I'm talking about with "engine idle speed" and "emotional set point" is really best described in current theory as "mood modulation" of "affect modulation," and refers to our ability to keep our emotional reactions in balance.
Yes, I think you might be depressed. Get a medical eval and find out if a short term course of meds would be appropriate.
I think you've undergone a lot in the last few months, and probably you are emotionally burned out. Do you have close friend to talk to? Is there someone in your life to confide in who always affects you positively? I'd go slow in the new relationship. You are not in a good place to make commitments. But, with time, you will probably regain your normal upbeat nature.
But, if how you are feeling is holding you back, then seek some help.
You experienced much emotional action, a temporary 'shut-down' was a good way to cope, but it seems, your "shut-down" mechanism seems to have got stuck in that position, (not returning to 'set-point) . Being 'stuck' maybe a way to avoid, but don't do for too long. I don't want to use the word 'denial", but that would prevent emotional reactions, but that's 'over kill'.
Get off your butt, go out and try new stuff, until you find something that really scares the pants off of you. Then, keep doing that 'til it doesn't scare you anymore.
"Excitement" is overrated in my opinion. I strive for "content." People that require too much excitement often allow in too much drama as well.
Like you said, your life has recently been an emotional rollercoaster. That's a lot of emotional stimulation. Your mind is probably helping you cope by sort-of turning your idle speed down a little. If you started getting "excited' about positive things, that would also mean being more emotional reactive to negative things too. Isn't the emotional roller-coaster enough stimulation?
When things in your life setting down more, and you're off the roller-coaster, your excitement set-point will probably adjust again, and then you'll probably get as enthusiastic as you used to get about good things, and as reactive as you used to get about negative things.
What I'm talking about with "engine idle speed" and "emotional set point" is really best described in current theory as "mood modulation" of "affect modulation," and refers to our ability to keep our emotional reactions in balance.
You may be depressed as others have stated. I think also that this "boredom" may be your way of protecting yourself after what you've been through, like TracySam indicated.
For example, I have had some anxiety issues, but I have found that in my worst moments of anxiety, the WORST thing that I can do to counteract it is to think "happy thoughts." Instead, I focus on the mundane - I imagine grocery shopping, cooking or folding laundry. If I think happy thoughts, it sends me on a roller coaster rather than stabilizing me.
If this is really bothering you though, you could try faking it. Slapping a smile on and saying positive things and focusing on a positive mindset can lift your spirits. When I am bucking a depression (as opposed to anxiety) I tend to savor things very deliberately - I admire the natural world around me and acknowledge it with all of my senses. I take a long hot bath. I make the perfect sandwich. Etc.
When I was divorced, it took over a year for the fog to even begin to lift, and my life didn't go back to what I considered normal living until almost three years later. The final decree is not the end of the emotional upheaval.
May I suggest that you ride out the rough times by having patience and treating yourself well during the duration of this process?
You were divorced less than a year ago. Even if you were separated for a while before the actual divorce, it would be unusual for you *not* to feel depressed. Feeling depressed during a time when it's appropriate to be depressed doesn't usually call for medication, in my opinion. If it's not actually interfering with your ability to live life, it's probably better to simply work through the emotions that come from the end of a marriage even if it means life is boring for some period of months. You might benefit, though, from talking through your feelings with someone who's sympathetic and can just let you talk about how you're feeling. Or a counselor, if you'd prefer talking to a stranger.
Some things suck. Divorce is one of them, even if was you who sought the divorce, since there would have been a reason to seek it. And when something sucks, it's normal for everything to feel worse or just plain bad while you're recovering from it.
I wouldn't worry too much about it at this point. 8 months isn't very long when you're talking about recovering from a major loss, and a divorce is a major loss. You lose a person, you lose an idea, you lose a future, you may question your own judgement for having gotten into the marriage to begin with. Even if it is the best thing in the long term, it still sucks at the time.
So, basically, I wouldn't worry about it yet. Consider counseling, and keep hanging out with friends, force yourself to do things. If you still feel nothing in another six months or things get worse for you, and you've tried counseling, then see if the counselor will refer you to a psychiatrist for consideration of anti-depressants if you really feel the need to jump-start things. But unless you're actually suicidal or unable to function at all, I wouldn't start taking meds at this point.
That's just my opinion.
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