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What is the psychology behind people who tend to start over a lot? I'm not talking about someone who doesn't follow through. I wouldn't say I'm a flaky person. I'm quite responsible and responsive. But when it comes to life choices, I can't seem to keep going. I switched college majors a countless number of times. It was a nightmare to decide. Of course I wasn't happy with the final decision but I just wanted to get out at that point.
Behind this is how I think and see things. When I was younger I knew I wanted to change jobs a lot. I wanted to get as many different experiences as possible. I probably wanted to be everything. I wanted to live in many different places and (this sounds bad) I wanted to be with different people just to get different experiences. I also did this mental thing in my head where I would "start over" and be a "new" person entirely. I have trouble identifying myself because I never want to be just one thing. I loved acting because I could be different people, have different personalities, and look different. Sometimes I wonder if I have multiple personality disorder. I don't know. I do get bored pretty easily.
I'm at another fork in the road where I'm having a hard time continuing. I just spent my last 2 years and most of my savings in grad school. I thought if I committed time and money I would be passionate about it and make it the rest of my life. I do like my work and my industry but I keep wondering if there isn't more out there.
I dated someone in the military and learned a lot about it and now I can't get joining the military out of my head. What attracts me is living and visiting many different countries, being useful, the camaraderie aspect, the job security aspect, retirement in 20 years, great benefits, and not staying in one place for too long. I have abandonment issues so I think that's why that last part is in there.
My industry is pretty cool and has some of that. If I stay in it I could probably get the traveling aspect down once I have more experience (though the traveling wouldn't be nearly as much as the military). Job stability and benefits isn't that great but the pay is usually pretty good to make up for that. It tends to favor young people though and I'm only getting older. People tend to move around a lot (another thing I like). And my industry does have a tight knit community with alumni from my school all over the country and world making it feel a bit like the military with stations all over the world.
I'm tired of starting over though so I don't want to just jump in the military if it's a psychology problem I'm dealing with. I feel like I could do anything and I would be content. I worked a job I hated for 7 years (somehow stuck with it). One day I decided to stop torturing myself and just not have an opinion at work until I could get out.
Most of the things I have done I have liked but I wouldn't call it passion. I tried acting and comedy. I liked it but I decided I like money too much. I've been telling myself to stay in my industry (even though I hear most people don't tend to stay too long) but I can't help but wonder if I might miss out by not joining the military? I'm almost 30 years old so I feel like time is running out... If this is a psychology problem then I know exactly what will happen once I do join the military.. I'm going to want to get out and do something else..... I don't know what's wrong with me.
What is the psychology behind people who tend to start over a lot? I'm not talking about someone who doesn't follow through. I wouldn't say I'm a flaky person. I'm quite responsible and responsive. But when it comes to life choices, I can't seem to keep going. I switched college majors a countless number of times. It was a nightmare to decide. Of course I wasn't happy with the final decision but I just wanted to get out at that point.
Behind this is how I think and see things. When I was younger I knew I wanted to change jobs a lot. I wanted to get as many different experiences as possible. I probably wanted to be everything. I wanted to live in many different places and (this sounds bad) I wanted to be with different people just to get different experiences. I also did this mental thing in my head where I would "start over" and be a "new" person entirely. I have trouble identifying myself because I never want to be just one thing. I loved acting because I could be different people, have different personalities, and look different. Sometimes I wonder if I have multiple personality disorder. I don't know. I do get bored pretty easily.
I'm at another fork in the road where I'm having a hard time continuing. I just spent my last 2 years and most of my savings in grad school. I thought if I committed time and money I would be passionate about it and make it the rest of my life. I do like my work and my industry but I keep wondering if there isn't more out there.
I dated someone in the military and learned a lot about it and now I can't get joining the military out of my head. What attracts me is living and visiting many different countries, being useful, the camaraderie aspect, the job security aspect, retirement in 20 years, great benefits, and not staying in one place for too long. I have abandonment issues so I think that's why that last part is in there.
My industry is pretty cool and has some of that. If I stay in it I could probably get the traveling aspect down once I have more experience (though the traveling wouldn't be nearly as much as the military). Job stability and benefits isn't that great but the pay is usually pretty good to make up for that. It tends to favor young people though and I'm only getting older. People tend to move around a lot (another thing I like). And my industry does have a tight knit community with alumni from my school all over the country and world making it feel a bit like the military with stations all over the world.
I'm tired of starting over though so I don't want to just jump in the military if it's a psychology problem I'm dealing with. I feel like I could do anything and I would be content. I worked a job I hated for 7 years (somehow stuck with it). One day I decided to stop torturing myself and just not have an opinion at work until I could get out.
Most of the things I have done I have liked but I wouldn't call it passion. I tried acting and comedy. I liked it but I decided I like money too much. I've been telling myself to stay in my industry (even though I hear most people don't tend to stay too long) but I can't help but wonder if I might miss out by not joining the military? I'm almost 30 years old so I feel like time is running out... If this is a psychology problem then I know exactly what will happen once I do join the military.. I'm going to want to get out and do something else..... I don't know what's wrong with me.
omg almost 30???
ive seen many people try to start a new life from a clean slate
this always sounds good,,and it can be
but if you harbor your own anchors and ghosts, they will follow you until you let them go
stop with the pressure .... adult life starts at 18 you are only 11!! (in adult yrs)
make a list of pros and cons - you make the decisions ...and not what others expect of you
Thinking grass is greener in other side. Maybe ask ur self why u want to change? What is wrong with the current industry. Some ppl like change more than others but to satisfy ur need for change u can make change in other parts of ur life. Ex if u like traveling but ur job/industry doesn't allow it, u can travel on ur own
I was like that in my 20s. After college graduation I moved every year, even back and forth overseas, changed jobs 6 times in 7 years. It was no problem ultimately though, and I developed a craving for more stability by the time I was 30.
Ok, I guess it doesn't have to be a bad thing. It just means I'm curious and interested in the world. I keep pressuring myself to be more stable when I really don't have any real reason to (no kids or other responsibilities).
I used to move a lot, and travel a lot until I hit early 30s. I am decently stable in my career, own a house now, and LOTS of pets. I basically got tired of the traveling and wanderlust, and I desired stability. I desired different experiences like you, and loved to travel. But, I am in my late 30s and don't feel like it as much anymore, and miss the comforts of home when I am away. Slowing down, it happens at different ages for different people - I know of one person close to 50 still like this. Some people never slow down...
Read about "novelty-seeking behavior" or "novelty-seeking temperament." It's a personality trait that's been studied a lot.
There is a strong genetic, or at least biological component to whether we are novelty-seeking or continuity-seeking. People who are more novelty seeking get bored or tired easily of situations, places, people, things, and they need more stimulation than average (the amount of stimulation they get from something new wears down to where it's not gratifying anymore and then they have to move on to a new new).
Before novelty-seeking being a topic of research, psychologists used to identify the sensation-seeking or thrill-seeking personality type, and the novelty-seeking was thought to be a part of that. But now it looks like it's a different "animal." Someone can be novelty-seeking and not necessarily be thrill-seeking. (I loved sky-diving--a thrill--but I'm definitely not novelty seeking. Though I would probably want the thrill of sky-diving to be exactly the same every time, or I'll be disappointed, so I haven't gone back yet, because I fear I'll be disappointed.)
I tend to be very continuity-seeking. I don't like change much. I live in the same place for a long time, I stay at the same company for a long time, I keep the same car for a long time (I hate adjusting to a new one), I keep the same people in my life for a long time (my romantic relationships have all been long-term). I put my furniture where I like it (why move it when it's in the best possible arrangement right now?) and rarely re-arrange it, and I keep it forever. I buy the same things in the grocery store all the time (why change when I like them?) and I HATE when I find a product I've liked is now "new & improved." I get contentment from sameness. I have clothing that's over 20 years old (classic styles, still in good shape) which I treat like "old friends."
My sister is the opposite: novelty-seeking. She likes to move every few years and doesn't see it as disruptive. She must have a new car every 2 years (actually gets bored after about 1 year). She does keep friends for along time, but when she was younger she was always trading in one boyfriend for a new one, and she's constantly bringing new friends into her large rotation of friends. She re-arranges her furniture every few weeks, and replaces her furniture every few years. Even when we were kids in the same house, my room was always arranged just how I liked it and it stayed that way. she was constantly re-arranging her furniture. She buys new, different things in the store every time, and gets dazzled by anything that says "New!" She has no clothing that's more than 4 years old, and most of the clothing is under 2 years old. she's always buying new clothes and donating "old" clothes that she bought a year ago.
I imagine that the biochemical feedback process that gives me pleasure on sameness/familiarity is similar to the pleasure she gets from change. But with her, the pleasure peters out after a short while and she has to change things again and again and again.
People who start over are akin to those who want to reinvent themselves. Inherently dissociative. Usually they are trying to erase the memories of trauma, abandonment and other forms of abuse and cruelty that lead to dissociative behavior.
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I'm almost 30 years old so I feel like time is running out... If this is a psychology problem then I know exactly what will happen once I do join the military.. I'm going to want to get out and do something else..... I don't know what's wrong with me.
