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Old 08-08-2016, 02:09 PM
 
343 posts, read 315,167 times
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Soo when you get told A LOT that you look like a deceased loved one, what do you do? Ok so I have an aunt who was the glue that held our family together. She passed away 5 years ago, and over the years following her death, lots of people in my family and outside the family tell me I favor her. They even call me by her name as a nick-name of sorts just because i look similar to her.

I don't take it as an insult or anything bad, but it's more like...i don't know, to me it feels like I get told that so much as if it's going to bring her back to us. It does make me miss her a lot more though, i really miss talking to her...she was one of the few people who understood me, i'm the black sheep in the family. I miss her guidance, I miss her laughing, I miss her tell-it-like-it-is attitude and she always was in my corner. And the one thing that I, now that I look back on it, value and cherish was she kept it real with me. I just feel so lost than ever since she has been gone, i feel lost in life more than ever.

I don't want to live life 'through her', like what i think she wants me to do...but i just feel that sometimes i need to do things to honor her memory and how I made her proud. For example she loves music and she loved to dance, so I do that sometimes to get myself out of funks. She just made life fun and worth living, being at her house was some of my happy places where i felt comfortable at growing up.

I just really miss her and things have never been the same with her gone. Has anyone else ever gone through this? How do you feel when you get told you look or act like a deceased loved one, especially when you were close growing up?

* This post is also in the grief and wellness forum of which i would like to have it deleted from there. Thanks!
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Old 08-08-2016, 02:30 PM
 
Location: Raleigh, North Carolina
2,148 posts, read 1,690,187 times
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I have not gone through this before, but it sounds like you respected your aunt, so I would certainly take it as a compliment. The fact that you are related to her means the opportunity for resemblance has a decent possibility.
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Old 08-08-2016, 05:03 PM
 
Location: Southwest Washington State
30,585 posts, read 25,041,229 times
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I am almost 70 years old and I've had two people recently tell me that I looked like my mom. I feel that I look like the other side of my family, quite honestly. But, it is what it is. Its how the genes got distributed, and it really doesn't mean that much. But often, you can see the family resemblance when you see close relatives all together. It is just what it is.

It is perfectly all right to respect and miss your aunt. Since you loved her, why not take those comments as positive things?
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Old 08-09-2016, 07:45 AM
 
Location: Wonderland
67,652 posts, read 60,572,966 times
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I take these comments in a positive way if the deceased person was a good person.

I was named after my grandmother's mother, who I never met because she died before I was born. You know what really freaked me out at first? When I got into my thirties, my grandmother started telling me how much I reminded her of HER MOTHER. I realized that my grandmother could remember her mom when she was in her thirties. Then when I got into my fifties, my dad started saying, "Wow, you really remind me of my mom's mom - my favorite grandmother. I'm so glad we named you after her."

Sometimes when I visit my grandmother's grave, I stop at her mom's grave and tell her hello. I think it's cool that I will meet her one day (that's my belief). I think we are going to get along GREAT. Apparently according to "the old folks" who knew her, not only do I look like her, I act like her, have many of the same interests, and even walk and talk like her!

So I think since you liked your aunt so much, you should take these comments as compliments.
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Old 08-09-2016, 02:01 PM
 
Location: southwestern PA
22,415 posts, read 47,402,095 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by bewitchyou View Post
Soo when you get told A LOT that you look like a deceased loved one, what do you do?
You accept the compliment with a 'thank you'.
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