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What is the age of your friend who has just moved in from Florida? (sorry if I missed the age)
If he is older, maybe he is looking for an association with others who will be around as he grows older or falls into ill health or if death befalls him.
He's 60, but looks 50. He's trim and is in very good health (except for having cataract surgery in both eyes).
Excellent observation! I really do need to examine my own motives and "agenda."
No, I am not Bea Arthur ... I am Blanche, because I own the house - does that makes me the "s_l_u_t " ???
This evening I told myself "Calm down. You've known the guy for over 40 years. Everything will be fine."
Darn, you caught the Bea Arthur thing before I had a chance to post that Blanche was the owner!
Sounds like you may be just a little shaken up by the change of a new person coming in. And yes, it does sound a little strange that you're the only person in his whole life who hasn't "betrayed" him. And honestly, I think I'd be insulted if someone came into my home and offered to re-do a room. Regardless, I suggest not taking any more offers from him since you did say he likes to take charge and he may get the wrong idea. Hope it works out for you!
Excellent observation! I really do need to examine my own motives and "agenda."
No, I am not Bea Arthur ... I am Blanche, because I own the house - does that makes me the "s_l_u_t " ???
This evening I told myself "Calm down. You've known the guy for over 40 years. Everything will be fine."
Change is hard for people. For him. For you. And the guy is throwing some yellow caution flags with his tales of his friends and family abandoning him. I don't see any red flags though.
If I was him, I'd be so grateful to be in a place, with friends, where I just felt safe and like I belonged. I can be overly generous at times, not usually appearing to be needy, but maybe underneath. I don't have a personality disorder. Just garden variety chronic depression.
From what you've said, it almost sounds like the guy is ready to cry tears of relief.
And it sounds like everything will be fine. You are setting boundaries, and communicating openly. That's the best anyone can do.
Too bad the Internet is full of scary people. I'd love to see a picture of the Golden Boys. I wish you well.
Maybe he just wants to bail out of Boca. Families can be bad news sometimes. He could just be grateful to have a new circle of friends. It doesn't sound like a personality disorder though (IMO).
OP, I understand what you are saying about it feeling like he is being overly charming and generous to you and your friends. It's probably just insecurity right now. He has sold his home, left his friends behind, living in a new group setting he's unfamiliar with and, other than you, he has no real friends to hang with. So I can see him maybe "trying too hard" to make new friends and I get how that feels if it's your friends he's courting. It doesn't mean that he's going to take over your friends and that they will like him better. It's just that he is trying to fit in and is not sure how. I can be socially awkward at times, so I get what he's going through and I've been on the other end too, where it feels like my new friend is sort of sucking up to my old friends and I sort of feel a weird pang of jealousy or possessiveness, or something I can't quite put my finger on.
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