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My heart breaks for both of you, but more so for your wife. You can't miss what you never had, but I think your wife is in a different place. In a perfect world you would have met and married someone with the same needs. Yet your marriage has been successful for 14 years. That says a lot as well.
The only advice I can give you is to not deny your wife what she needs physically and just find creative ways to achieve that goal. kelly237 is right. When you enter into any partnership you take on the responsibility of another persons well being and are obligated to meet those needs.
You may have been born different, but you are certainly capable of over coming some of the obstacles.
But has it really been successful or have they each just tolerated the situation for that long, afraid to take action? Each holding on to some dream that it would improve over time.
But has it really been successful or have they each just tolerated the situation for that long, afraid to take action? Each holding on to some dream that it would improve over time.
the gift has been the 3 wonderful boys we do have. I do agree with the rest though. I am 50 years old and just kept thinking one day, one day....but over the years nothing new and finally realizing it is something more hard wired within me.
You never had this treated properly! Low 200's is still too low. You may have needed a higher dose, or a different testosterone supplement. Did you work with your primary care doctor or a urologist?
I strongly recommend you see a urologist, and have your testosterone rechecked and try one of the newer testosterone supplements that may be absorbed better. Really, for your wife's sake...
I strongly recommend you try to fill this void for your wife, if you truly love her. There are many ways to be intimate, especially for women. Hold her hand, hug her more often, touch her, kiss her. Tell her you love her. Learn how to help her achieve an O in other ways. Read/watch videos, buy some toys.
You certainly have the right to be however you are. But once you commit to a marriage, it's not all about you anymore.
I did the androgen gel about 5 years ago for two years and no real change. So no longer did it. I am going to see my doctor soon.
As our therapy individual and together goes along....I most likely feel it would be best to let her go so she can find someone who can fulfill that void I can't. Now that doesnt mean we wont be good friends and parent any differently. I have no resentment and actually wouldnt be all that much different than now.
How do you have children if you can't have sex? Did you adopt?
through IVF type treatment. Mostly I can ejaculate thru masterbation occasionally.. and had to go to a place to do so into a cup and they took the sperm and inserted into my wife and we had one son and then later twin boys.
That whole masterbation thing for me is where it is very odd to talk about. Most people can do so through thinking of their wife, naked people, porn, etc but I cannot. There is no arousal through looking or thinking about other people. Through the years the only thing that can do that is to think of me wearing sunglasses. Yes no joke and I am embarrased about writing it as you think I'm very weird. But for some reason, maybe I think I'm cool, etc....I dont know if I do wear sunglasses an immediate response in that area is accomplished. I dont have to wear them to masterbate but think of me with them on is enough. Very embarrassed to type this but that is the truth. I have been this way from college days....
No I havent tried to make love wearing them as I know I would be focused on that and not my wife, but also I would be horribly embarassed.
But anyhow that is how we had kids. They are joys and great boys....11 and 7.
You need to check out AVEN. Google it! Go to the forums and read.
I feel sorry for your SO. You have given this person a world of hurt. I hope you love her enough to let her go.
I am getting very much to that realization....I am 50 and she is 44.... We are great people and will remain great friends and co-parent greatly. I know now who I am and know that I will never be in any relationship and I am fine with that and understand that. I have a full life with my job and our kids. I am very fine with being alone in that way.
Yes, we spoke and she has noticed she gets angrier and angrier not so much as me...but just holding in the feelings. Now I dont quite understand how a sexual person thinks....so hard for me to relate.... but do understand and smart enough to understand how she feels.
I am getting very much to that realization....I am 50 and she is 44.... We are great people and will remain great friends and co-parent greatly. I know now who I am and know that I will never be in any relationship and I am fine with that and understand that. I have a full life with my job and our kids. I am very fine with being alone in that way.
Yes, we spoke and she has noticed she gets angrier and angrier not so much as me...but just holding in the feelings. Now I dont quite understand how a sexual person thinks....so hard for me to relate.... but do understand and smart enough to understand how she feels.
Now there may be a time 20 years from now where she'll appreciate your not wanting sex....but that's a long ways away.
My question is, does SHE want to separate from you, the father of her three young boys? Or do you just think it will be easier on you, take the pressure off so to speak? It just doesn't make sense that it's taken her 14 years to get angry. She knew you had a problem after three years of marriage but still found an alternative way to have a child with you, then stayed with you for another four years til the twins came along, and now has stuck with you an additional seven. What has changed now, in Year 14, that she is getting angry?
I am never a fan of breaking up a marriage, especially with young children. I hope you can get things worked out somehow without taking that step.
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