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Now there may be a time 20 years from now where she'll appreciate your not wanting sex....but that's a long ways away.
My question is, does SHE want to separate from you, the father of her three young boys? Or do you just think it will be easier on you, take the pressure off so to speak? It just doesn't make sense that it's taken her 14 years to get angry. She knew you had a problem after three years of marriage but still found an alternative way to have a child with you, then stayed with you for another four years til the twins came along, and now has stuck with you an additional seven. What has changed now, in Year 14, that she is getting angry?
I am never a fan of breaking up a marriage, especially with young children. I hope you can get things worked out somehow without taking that step.
We talked and over the years the built up resentment is causing her to get angrier and just be not herself. She is going to talk to someone and just see where she is at. I think what may have pushed her to this is she told me our oldest son asked her why she is often so angry at me. She can either keep suppressing it til the kids get older....but she said she is 44 and maybe feels she doesnt want to wait any longer to find someone who can give her the intimacy -- sex part -- that I can't.
I fully support her talking....I am going to talk and then likely us together. She is tired of being angry at me, as she is not that type of person and tired of just being tired .... she told me she doesnt know what the future is but if she does leave it isnt because I dont love you and not your best friend. I prefer to stay married and I know I can work on the other intimacy things....but I'm afraid the sex part is something I cannot give. I personally dont understand why that is important...but I am not a sexual being so I cannot digest that.
What changed....I think she has had some resentment over the years....but each time she would work through it and push it back down and then pretend it doesnt exist and all is fine. But it is just building and erupting and she doesnt want live with that anger anymore.
One other thing that does make it harder over the years is that my job is rotating shift type work... I work a lot of nights so I sleep during the day and she is alone at night many days at a time.
One thing about us we are both professionals and smart people and not petty and want to take down the other. We will both be there for the kids no matter what.
through IVF type treatment. Mostly I can ejaculate thru masterbation occasionally.. and had to go to a place to do so into a cup and they took the sperm and inserted into my wife and we had one son and then later twin boys.
That whole masterbation thing for me is where it is very odd to talk about. Most people can do so through thinking of their wife, naked people, porn, etc but I cannot. There is no arousal through looking or thinking about other people. Through the years the only thing that can do that is to think of me wearing sunglasses. Yes no joke and I am embarrased about writing it as you think I'm very weird. But for some reason, maybe I think I'm cool, etc....I dont know if I do wear sunglasses an immediate response in that area is accomplished. I dont have to wear them to masterbate but think of me with them on is enough. Very embarrassed to type this but that is the truth. I have been this way from college days....
No I havent tried to make love wearing them as I know I would be focused on that and not my wife, but also I would be horribly embarassed.
But anyhow that is how we had kids. They are joys and great boys....11 and 7.
Ok, dude, don't really need ANY of those details. I know how IVF works and nobody wants to hear how anyone masturbates or what they think about...seriously, TMI.
The only thing I'll reiterate is that you need to let her go get her sexual and physical intimacy needs fulfilled somewhere else, whether that means divorce or open marriage. Anything else would be selfish and cruel on your part, so get to it.
Ok, dude, don't really need ANY of those details. I know how IVF works and nobody wants to hear how anyone masturbates or what they think about...seriously, TMI.
Not fair...
The whole thread has been about these details, so why are you reading this thread and
complaining about the details...
the whole thing is pretty matter of fact to me.... if the mods want to delete some posts I am ok with that if they feel they are inappropriate. Maybe just maybe I can help someone else like me know they are not alone.
I believe we must sacrifice and "serve" our spouses and not just sexually. Put each others needs ahead of our own. One way to demonstrate love is through lovemaking. And it's really 95% mental. If you love giving pleasure to your spouse, because you cherish and value her, then you can "get into it" at least once every couple of weeks or so.
That being said, it's only been a few times this year for us. Let me tell you it sucks and it also makes me feel like he's not interested nor attracted in me. When I wear sexy stuff to bed and he ignores me I feel like a desperado or a prostitute. (crazy, I know) I try not to feel resentful but... All in all, I'm not real happy with my own situation. Makes me find little stuff to complain about and that's not right either.
Sex and intimacy can be two separate things. When you think about it, the value of sex is that it leads to children. Other than that, it might be considered something that is sometimes a pleasure and sometimes a burden. But do not feel weird that you don't have sexual desires. There is a continuum of human characteristics and you are just balancing out those who are sex-craised. Intimacy is important to a marriage however, in all cases, as it is primarily doing little things that tell your partner you love, respect, and are completed by them.
But has it really been successful or have they each just tolerated the situation for that long, afraid to take action? Each holding on to some dream that it would improve over time.
I guess that's not for us to answer. I can only speak from my perspective and I know I'd either be divorced or have someone on the side, but that's because the physical side of a relationship is way up there on the totem pole of importance. I can't speak for his wife. I have known many couples where once a month is fine
OP, if you have low testosterone, that will do it. But you also need a good therapist.
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I guess that's not for us to answer. I can only speak from my perspective and I know I'd either be divorced or have someone on the side, but that's because the physical side of a relationship is way up there on the totem pole of importance. I can't speak for his wife. I have known many couples where once a month is fine 
