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My sister had a serious surgery this week. The surgery was significant. There are still open questions. She is stable and semi-awake now. And if all goes as expected she should recover well and live for a long time with no additional medical procedures. She is in the hospital for a few more days, and we are just waiting for her to be healed enough to go home.
My retired parents are in town for support and plan to stay for a few weeks when she leaves the hospital.
So here is the problem. I am feeling totally overwhelmed. Since surgery day I have been fielding phone calls, emails, text messages and Facebook messages from our friends, her friends, family, and her boss.
I have barely had time to process everything that is going on and feel inundated with all the messages.
To top it off, this is a lot of parent time. And for lack of a better word my dad is very curious. On surgery day I had to take a work conference call while we were waiting for the surgery to wrap up. I went to a corner for the call (which was really a web meeting). During the middle my day comes over and starts commenting on the screen. When the call ended he wanted to talk about it! He has lots of questions about my work activities and so day's tasks during this time. My dad is generally pretty curious, but he is extra so right now.
I had to take a break this morning and leave the hospital to go do some work. (It is a really really busy time, so between checking on my sister I have been doing some work). I went to a Starbucks for an hour to concentrate.
In the late afternoon, I spent most of the day in the hospital with my sister. I left at dinner time as my sister was sound asleep and peaceful.
I was happy to be able to go home, go for a bike ride, have a quite dinner, and now read a book. It has been a really overwhelming few days.
How old are you? Are you single? Is your sister single?
The reason that I am asking is that, while I am extremely close to my siblings, I have never been involved with them going to the hospital/having surgery/etc. etc.
Heck, I have been in intensive care on more than one occasion and my husband never even called my siblings to let them know. On one occasion he even forgot to even call our adult children to tell them (I was only in intensive care three days, then two more days in the hospital).
So, no I do not think that you are selfish to take some time for yourself .
How old are you? Are you single? Is your sister single?
The reason that I am asking is that, while I am extremely close to my siblings, I have never been involved with them going to the hospital/having surgery/etc. etc.
Heck, I have been intensive care on more than one occasion and not only did my husband never even tell my siblings, but on one occasion forgot to even call our adult children (I was only in intensive care three days, then two more days in the hospital).
My sister and I are both in our 30s and single! My sister and I live within walking distance of each other and she has co-opted many of my friends.
You so deserve some time to yourself. Females are brainwashed into thinking we have to handle it all quietly and just take care of everyone, then someone calls you fat or not sexy any longer. I would get lost for a bit, even if it is a staycation, and only check on family by appointment every few days or text message style.
Can be much easier to keep it all private until out of hospital. Let her work know of the problem, find care for her pets/children and just keep it private. Maybe make an announcement on Facebook but never answer anything.
Think about airplanes. They tell you to secure your oxygen mask before you help anyone else.
You must take care of YOU in order to be able to be there for your family. You need to plan some alone time into your day while all this is going on. No need to feel guilty.
Think about airplanes. They tell you to secure your oxygen mask before you help anyone else.
You must take care of YOU in order to be able to be there for your family. You need to plan some alone time into your day while all this is going on. No need to feel guilty.
I've seen friends do this with regards to multiple emails and texts from concerned friends and family: send out one email or text and say you appreciate the concern but are having difficulty fielding multiple inquiries so you in the future will only be sending one email and/or one text a day and won't be responding to individual communications. Tell everyone that you appreciate their concern. No one who is rational should be offended by that.
It is NOT selfish at all. You're dealing with a lot and you have to take care of yourself too. Too much stress can have a serious impact on your mental and physical well being. I don't think anyone expects you to be at your sister's side or working literally 24/7.
Stop taking calls from family, friends, and work friends. You're choosing to make your life more difficult than it needs to be.
Take care of yourself before anyone else. If that means taking a long weekend to close yourself off, do it.
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