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For those of you who aren't familiar with it, ASD is Autism Spectrum Disorder (once also known as Asperger's Syndrome). Basically, if you have this disorder, you can't communicate non-verbally very well and you frequently miscommunicate in ways that are significant to other people but to which you are usually oblivious. The end result is you come off as odd, disinterested, or rude depending upon the context of the situation. For example, you might make an innocent observation and say something about it a five-year-old might say and not even comprehend that what you said was inappropriate and likely to be take the wrong way. Usually, people don't correct you for these things, because they think you "should know better." You have trouble with simple social situations and often find "gray areas" in situations where everyone else sees the rules in "black and white."
As a result of the frequent miscommunication, your relationships suffer. You can't build bonds like other people do, because people have a tendency not to trust you and they blame you for "not taking responsibility for your mistakes." You want to tell everyone it's all just a big misunderstanding and you would "try harder" if you knew what to do, but you know they aren't going to believe you, so you just withdraw and, in my case, develop an unhealthy level of distrust of people. You know that it seems like everyone considers themselves superior to you, but you'll be met with contempt and accusations of acting "arrogant and foolish," if you try to mimic the attitudes other people seem to display toward you.
The problems don't stop at just having a lack luster personal life, either. You also have trouble communicating with co-workers and bosses, and you are very likely to make mistakes on your job, blunders that other people literally wouldn't have thought of making. For instance, I left my computer on at work (I work at a detention center) where it was clearly accessible to the kids for them to do whatever they wanted. I wasn't trying to do anything wrong; I just didn't consider they would have access to it because I was told that they are not allowed around my desk after I leave, and I took that to mean that the kids do not have access to my desk after I leave. Anyone else might have understood that to mean I should secure my desk and my belongings, but I took it literally and thought it meant there was nothing to worry about because the kids would not be able to access the area behind my desk!
There are many days I wish I could just act like a normal adult woman and not worry about all of these missteps. There are many days I wish I could build relationships like other people, relationships that would probably shield me from getting frequent complaints and frustrated lectures rather than patient explanation and consistent reminders. I'm surprised I've been able to keep my job this long, but I know I probably won't be able to if I keep making these errors. It is frustrating, because even people who try to work with me eventually start to feel like I'm "making mistakes on purpose" and "must know what I'm doing."
Here I am at age 30, and I still have all of the big creative dreams I wanted to fulfill by the time I left my twenties, but, alas, people have given me the cold shoulder and proven again and again that they couldn't care less about my dreams and what I want to accomplish, even if I do care about helping them, if I can. I just wish I knew what to do about this. If you've never had it, you probably think the professionals have all of the answers. Experience has taught me that they don't, or if they do, maybe I don't know how to ask the right questions?
Here I am at age 30, and I still have all of the big creative dreams I wanted to fulfill by the time I left my twenties
Sorry, but that is true for practically. everyone, not just you with ASD.
Every new decade tends to make one look back on the previous with a twinge of regret for things unfinished AND a joy for those accomplished.
Quote:
Originally Posted by kmb501
people have given me the cold shoulder and proven again and again that they couldn't care less about my dreams and what I want to accomplish
Why do you feel that other people should care about your dreams? After all, they are YOUR dreams, not theirs!
What are YOU actively doing to make your dreams come true?
Sorry, but that is true for practically. everyone, not just you with ASD.
Every new decade tends to make one look back on the previous with a twinge of regret for things unfinished AND a joy for those accomplished.
Why do you feel that other people should care about your dreams? After all, they are YOUR dreams, not theirs!
What are YOU actively doing to make your dreams come true?
I feel like they could at least not actively keep me from fulfilling them...
I get that I'm quite literally the one standing in my way, but I also feel like there's little I can do to improve on my own, and what I've been doing hasn't been working.
...by not understanding that I think differently than most people, and it's serious enough to be considered a legitimate disorder!
You are just going to have to accept that life is unfair and people are self-absorbed then.
My late 2nd wife had one of the so-called "invisible illnesses" and contended all her life with people assuming it was partially or entirely "all in her head". Eventually the illness killed her and not long after that, biological markers and better diagnostic tools were found, the disease got renamed to something more substantial-sounding, etc. Too little, too late. And this is typical.
But while she lived my wife did not expect sympathy or understanding or become passive because of her unfair situation. She just kept on doing her best and fighting back. When she died, people came from far away to pay last respects, people whose lives she touched in ways she didn't fully appreciate herself. She inspired others.
To some degree everyone is laboring under handicaps, swimming upstream through jello, and suffering fools. It's worse for some, but the principle remains the same: you work with what nature and nurture gave you, transcend your limitations and the betrayals of others as best you can, and live without self pity and blame-shifting. Own your life. Quit demanding that your life be something it refuses to be.
What is it you want other people to do? If you continue to make inappropriate comments or to behave in a way that makes others uncomfortable, it is going to be assumed that you did so deliberately, by choice, because you are an adult. Even if you explain that you feel you should be excused from responsibility because of a disorder, the remarks and the behavior, if you continue to indulge in them, will still be inappropriate and make others uncomfortable.
Do you have access to some kind of counseling that can help you learn to filter your comments or a mentoring program that can help you learn to interact more appropriately in social situations? Maybe just telling the people you know that you want to learn to interact better with others would encourage some of them to help you out and tell you when you're over the line. You don't have to change who you are, but you don't have to say everything that pops into your head, either. No one does. You might find some help in sorting out your issues through an autism organization or a counseling service. Your primary care doctor should be able to offer referrals and suggestions.
If you've never had it, you probably think the professionals have all of the answers. Experience has taught me that they don't, or if they do, maybe I don't know how to ask the right questions?
Who are the professionals? This is an important question many seek in their career, marriage, and finances, and in life in general. Maybe you aren't seeing the right professionals for ASD. If we look at your life, maybe you aren't seeing the right professionals for your life. Maybe, we are asking the right questions to the right person?
You know, OP, lots of people who have responded to your many posts have provided links to organizations that would at least direct you to appropriate resources for counseling, guidance, and medical assistance for your condition. Can you honestly say that you have really pursued those resources, because I get the feeling that you are more interested in coming on C-D and either complaining about your life, or pursuing pointless "options" (a "tiny house" rather than getting a better job, for example) instead of realistically solving your problems. It's not an overnight process dealing with your condition, but a lifelong one. However, if you don't start going after the proper resources now, you will forever be behind the curve in life.
I feel like they could at least not actively keep me from fulfilling them...
I get that I'm quite literally the one standing in my way
Yes, it is YOU standing in your own way, NOT other people.
If you want something bad enough, you don't make excuses and blame others. You work harder to make it happen.
One of my favorite sayings...
"There's a difference between interest and commitment. When you're interested in doing something, you do it only when circumstance permit. When you're committed to something, you accept no excuses, only results."
~ Art Turock
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