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Do whatever is comfortable for you. Other people do not matter in the long run....I am proud of you that you can get to the store and function with all the disabilities that you've described. Small steps. Keep taking care of you.
That whole thing is an oxymoron. Lying and Avoiding Eye Contact The True Verdict: Eye Contact: The Myths About Lying; The Truth About Deepening Your Love!
My OPINION, comes from personal experience and scientific studies. I was trying to be nice at first but it is people like you that have destroyed my childhood and current life. Therefore that might give me some reason to resent you. Although, I want to be less emotional and more logical in this post, so I will attempt to attack your belief. Please take some time to read into this matter, as I feel you could be missing out on good employees and/or friends.
I don't think it's a myth, but you can hardly expect employers to consider you just can't make eye contact..more likely it just appears to most people you aren't really listening or paying attention. That's why personally, I would either use one of these tricks offered above, or explain to an important person that it's not personal just an issue you have. I too have some issues with this, when someone meets my eyes I almost automatically cast mine down. It is my issue though, it is me who is doing something outside of social norms whether deliberate or not, so it's on me to deal with it and try to compensate. I have to almost force myself sometimes but eye contact when someone is speaking to you is normal to be considered good manners, so I make myself do it regardless if it's comfortable or not.
I don't know why some bring up staring, no one is saying you can't break eye contact, it's not supposed to be constant staring. That would be weirder than not making eye contact.
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Isn't the whole "eye contact is a virtue" thing culturally influenced also?
I was born in Tokyo, Japan; the world's most population dense metropolitan area with the total population exceeding 37 million people or 4,600 people per square mile.
My parents have told me that blatent eye contact, in Japan, was considered rude. It's almost an invasion of "personal space" in an area where there is little actual space.
Also, in some cultures, eye contact made by a woman to a man is considered very inappropriate.
There is a good book written about some of these struggles & it is literally titled "Look Me In The Eye: My Life With Asperger's" by John Elder Robinson.
I have it & it's a pretty good book; a real eye-opener (pun intended).
In the Army, they taught us to look at the rank insignia on their hat. It was less intimidating for a E-1 private when addressing the Sgt Major or the Battalion Commander.
I would use this an an opportunity to improve your interpersonal skills, even if its way outside your comfort zone. Overcoming personal issues gives you a big boost of confidence to tackle other things in life. Good luck with it!
I don't think it's a myth, but you can hardly expect employers to consider you just can't make eye contact..more likely it just appears to most people you aren't really listening or paying attention. That's why personally, I would either use one of these tricks offered above, or explain to an important person that it's not personal just an issue you have. I too have some issues with this, when someone meets my eyes I almost automatically cast mine down. It is my issue though, it is me who is doing something outside of social norms whether deliberate or not, so it's on me to deal with it and try to compensate. I have to almost force myself sometimes but eye contact when someone is speaking to you is normal to be considered good manners, so I make myself do it regardless if it's comfortable or not.
I don't know why some bring up staring, no one is saying you can't break eye contact, it's not supposed to be constant staring. That would be weirder than not making eye contact.
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ocnjgirl said it much better than I.
If I'm told upfront there is an issue with eye contact or any other social issue that prevents the person I am speaking/interviewing, I'm flexible enough to take that into consideration. I would hope anyone would be able to do the same.
But, it is not my responsibility to ask if the person I am speaking with has an issue. Therefore, as ocnjgirl alluded, it would lead me to believe that the person is not listening, or at least that something is not right.
Frankly, I think you're worrying waaay too much about what the cashier thinks about you. She/he has a job and that job is to get the customer moved through the paying process as quickly as possible in as friendly a manner as possible. Friendly on HER/HIS part, not yours.
Two minutes after you are gone, I can assure you that the cashier is not thinking, "Boy, what a b**ch that customer was! Why didn't she smile and look me in the eye?"....rather the cashier is thinking, "Boy, my feet hurt! Why won't that a$$hole of a boss of mine let me have more breaks?"
You're putting way too much emphasis on what other people think about you. Just like your other thread where you are convinced that all men are glaring at you for some reason.
I was reading Hillerman's murder mysteries set in New Mexico's reservations. There are so many Native American elements, from lead characters to just the setting, traditions, religions, etc. Anyway, your thread makes me think about the characteristic of one of the tribes of looking away when you speak to someone. I tend to do that quite a bit but I do try to force myself to come back and make solid eye contact. It makes what I'm saying seem more genuine.
Frankly, I think you're worrying waaay too much about what the cashier thinks about you. She/he has a job and that job is to get the customer moved through the paying process as quickly as possible in as friendly a manner as possible. Friendly on HER/HIS part, not yours.
Two minutes after you are gone, I can assure you that the cashier is not thinking, "Boy, what a b**ch that customer was! Why didn't she smile and look me in the eye?"....rather the cashier is thinking, "Boy, my feet hurt! Why won't that a$$hole of a boss of mine let me have more breaks?"
You're putting way too much emphasis on what other people think about you. Just like your other thread where you are convinced that all men are glaring at you for some reason.
I agree. As I mentioned before I struggled for years with this before accomplishing my "3 seconds" of eye contact.
I don't recall ever getting the feeling that someone was mad at me.
Maybe I was too consumed with the "are we done yet" discomfort to have noticed but I'm usually hyper-aware of the possibility that I may have upset someone.
Or maybe they were just used to me. My sone has severe Autism so I kind of make it a point to visit a store or public place every day so that he gets more comfortable with it & develops a skill set (like I had to) to deal with it. Due to this I'm pretty familiar with alot of clerks/retail workers in my area.
If they were ever suspicious of me to the point of having me followed by loss-prevention or something they know by now I'm not a threat. Maybe I'm just "that wierd lady with all the kids" to them.
I am always friendly though & I smile. Maybe a smile without eye contact is sort of goofy but I'm pretty sure nobody gets "mad" at me!
I have severe social anxiety, agoraphobia, BDD, low self esteem, regular anxiety, avoidant personality disorder and OCD and I have real trouble looking people in the eyes. I noticed that when I am at the cashier which is often they get offended if I don't look them in the eye especially when i'm leaving and they say have a good day I say it back but I don't look at them....what do I do??????
Nobody cares if you look them in the eye as long as you're looking in the general direction of their face. Seriously.
Soo---OP, any of these comments help you? Let us know.
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