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I assume you consider optimism a skill, that anyone can learn?
No matter how much I practice, I will never become a singer.
No matter how much I practice, I will never become a ballerina.
There are some skills that are beyond us. Optimism can be one of them.
Joy does not always come for everyone. People can face that fact without bitterness or taking a pill, as you suggest, to make it all better.
The 'there is something wrong with you - take a pill!" suggestion is just as insulting as my OPINION that luck is involved (which I do not consider an insult at all).
This is what you said:
Quote:
I truly believe people that 'land on their feet' are very lucky.
THAT is what I was responding to. "Landing on one's feet" is not optimism, and it's not simply luck.
And I suggested that if one is perpetually depressed, it might be a good idea to get checked out medically to rule out an ORGANIC problem that can be addressed with proper medication. I didn't say "There's something wrong with you - take a pill."
I also never said that if one is without optimism, one is invariably bitter.
You're jumping to a lot of erroneous conclusions and twisting not only my words, but your own at this point. But I'll answer your question anyway. You said:
Quote:
I assume you consider optimism a skill, that anyone can learn?
I actually do think that people can change their perspective of things with self discipline, to some extent. I believe that people can retrain their minds by reminding themselves to think more positively. Do I think this comes naturally to everyone? No - and that's why there are so many self help books out there on this very topic.
I shared several stories regarding my own initial feelings of sorrow, helplessness, frustration, fear, etc. and how it often takes a conscious effort - sometimes a huge effort - on my part to regroup, take a deep breath, and turn my mind in another direction. Now that I'm in my mid fifties, I've done this so often in my life, over big and small things, that it has become more of a default for me, but I explained how it is a learned coping mechanism, along the lines of the extroverted personality I developed which is more pronounced than what I was born with.
Professional athletes are born with natural talent - natural inclinations - but it still takes a lot of practice and self discipline to excel. The natural talent is luck - the rest is discipline.
Same with optimism. The natural inclination is luck - applying it in very difficult and sometimes heartbreaking and painful situations is discipline.
See, I've had a hard time explaining this to several of my kids after the death of my father. They are so used to me being stoic, strong, etc that they have just assumed, I guess, that I can sail right through this. In fact, they've accused me of being "insensitive to their emotional needs." "Excuse me. My dad just died and I "inherited" nothing but my mother with her myriad of needs and demands and a massive pile of estate work on top of my grief and concern. I am carrying the weight of the world right now. Don't assume I'm not hurting or scared or heartbroken or frustrated just because I don't fall apart, lash out, or creep into a hole. And don't assume I'm insensitive just because I don't call you every day to see how you're holding up. Maybe you should call ME and check on me."
But you know what - that's OK. I'll get through this, with or without the understanding or even support of people I love, because things will and do get better, and work out, and joy DOES come in the morning.
Being optimistic helps me be self reliant. Because at the end of the day, I can't control what anyone or how anyone acts but myself. And I have confidence in that particular person.
Last edited by KathrynAragon; 12-29-2016 at 08:48 AM..
My affection for the species exists regardless of how we behave. My affection for white Europeans would have been equal to my affection for their slaves back a few centuries ago. I just kind of see every member of the species, including myself, as growing children, and children often just don't know any better. I see humanity as cute little kids, and I can't help at beam at their successes, going all the way back to the first being to use fire as a tool. I bet he or she was very brave, idealistic, foolhardy, and curious.
That doesn't require any effort on my part. That's just kind of my natural state. So, compared to that it looks like everyone is very tribal to me, not that that's a bad thing.
That is not narcissism. The person you responded to may or may not be a narcissist. I don't think I'm a narcissist, though I don't know for sure...but not wanting monogamy has nothing to do with narcissism, so far as I'm aware. I don't think a person wanting nobody but themselves at the center of their world has anything to do with narcissism either, although that's closer. Narcissism involves excessive self-admiration. Neither of us has shown that, so far as I've seen, just a lack of interest in including other people in our lives, beyond a certain point.
Here are symptoms of narcissistic disorder:
Having an exaggerated sense of self-importance
Expecting to be recognized as superior even without achievements that warrant it
Exaggerating your achievements and talents
Being preoccupied with fantasies about success, power, brilliance, beauty or the perfect mate
Believing that you are superior and can only be understood by or associate with equally special people
Requiring constant admiration
Having a sense of entitlement
Expecting special favors and unquestioning compliance with your expectations
Taking advantage of others to get what you want
Having an inability or unwillingness to recognize the needs and feelings of others
Being envious of others and believing others envy you
Behaving in an arrogant or haughty manner //www.city-data.com/forum/46611501-post160.html
none of that involves a desire for isolation or a lack of interest in any kind of relationships with others.
I'm boggled by the statement: we can't control how another behaves or responds. Actually the art of influencing has its place in life. I can walk into a room and be guarded or receptive to the group or the environment. I entrust that to some extent we are not as self controlled as we'd like to believe. we at times conform and at other times stand our ground.
A simple behavioral test was done just using body language....it proved we are "adaptable" to that ...So to say we have no "control" is not necessarily true. A body stance can work wonders sometimes.
I'm a rather timid person in the mist of hostility..I will ultimately flee so I can see another day. Its worked so far and you betcha, I was influenced by that persons threat ...so I flee Self preservation seems to be an innate skill for some
I'm boggled by the statement: we can't control how another behaves or responds. Actually the art of influencing has its place in life. I can walk into a room and be guarded or receptive to the group or the environment. I entrust that to some extent we are not as self controlled as we'd like to believe. we at times conform and at other times stand our ground.
A simple behavioral test was done just using body language....it proved we are "adaptable" to that ...So to say we have no "control" is not necessarily true. A body stance can work wonders sometimes.
I'm a rather timid person in the mist of hostility..I will ultimately flee so I can see another day. Its worked so far and you betcha, I was influenced by that persons threat ...so I flee Self preservation seems to be an innate skill for some
What I take that comment to mean is that we are not ultimately responsible for anyone's behavior but our own. Sure we can influence, but at the end of the day, how another person behaves or responds is their responsibility, not ours.
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I'd hate to have that on my conscience.
