Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
If you approach this with her at all, unless she tells you herself....You will be simply proving to her that her sister and you do talk about her. I do not think you and her sister should be discussing her. Allow her privacy and dignity. She has a therapist....what she needs is a friend.
Leave it alone. Accept her on her terms, or not at all at this point. And, do not chastise her, or take it personal when she doesn't immediately respond....Even people without mental illness should be allowed their own space.
Simply be a friend....Not put qualifications on that friendship.
Understand your point of view but I think by allowing her privacy and dignity means that I don't go around gossiping how she has a schizophrenia and issues related to that. I haven't even told my family (they know her too) about her disease as I think it's up to Emily and her family to decide who they want to talk about the schizophrenia. I have only sometimes mentioned how she has had some hard times in her life and her tendency to withdraw from other people. I now realize that I have probably been more in contact with Emily than her sister has as she lives abroad. And when the sister has been around, Emily hasn't apparently been willing to meet her because of these delusions. So I'm not an acquaintance to her. And last time I talk to her sister was around 7 years ago when Emily was diagnosed, and it was because they were abroad and I was supposed to travel there too but it was obviously impossible as she was in psychosis back then.
But I think it's vital that her sister told me about this and we should be more in contact with her.
As others have said, I wouldn't even bring it up with her. If she's engrossed in the delusion it will only freak her out - imagine if you knew someone was trying to do you harm, then they showed up and said, "So, I hear you think I'm out to get you, eh? But you're wrong, I only want what's best for you..." I mean, you'd be more tactful than that, but it's a horror movie scenario, right? And if she's partially/intermittently aware that the delusion is a delusion, and is already doing her best to disregard it, it'd just put her on the spot and be embarrassing and stressful. She needs to work through it with her therapist and doctors.
One thing you might think about would be an open, standing invitation - like, "I always get coffee after work on Mondays at 5:00 at the shop on the corner of blah and blah - no pressure, but any week you feel like joining me, just drop by - I'd love to catch up in person." Or whatever. Something low pressure. It's hard to make future plans if you don't know what your mental state will be on any given day.
Thank you all! Hope for the best for all of you who have "lost" your close one to schizophrenia. Can't even imagine how hard this would be for a family member, must be heartbreaking. :/
Probably this also feels so harsh at the moment as I had an other close friend since high school, had to recently cut of the relationship she was (most likely) untreated (highly functioning) bpd. So when recovering from her and the relationship found out that the other close friend with schizophrenia has these delusions toward me. :/
I had the belief that Emily has been feeling better over the year. Last summer she was on a small trip with her mom and then she was visiting her sister and then went on an other trip by herself (to a totally new place.)
It all sounded a bit "too good to be true" as she hasn't been able to travel or anything for almost ten years. But then heard from her sister that when Emily was visiting her, they only saw each other once (within a week or so) and the rest of the time she was alone and even stayed at the hotel not at her sister's place. Then she was supposed to do an other trip with her mom to visit her sister but she didn't apparently want to and her mom travelled alone.
She has never mentioned me about any thoughts she may have against her sister. So probably she is talking about these to her mom. I'm just wondering that what if she isn't now contacting me any more or at least for a certain period of time and to her sister either. What if she some day starts to have some delusions against her mom too, is she going to be totally alone then. :/
I'm so glad that I did this post! Otherwise, I'd have probably send her something about the delusions and how I'm not against her. I had no idea that would be a big mistake. Our friendship has been somewhat casual throughout the years, we have seen each other occasionally and I haven't let the disease affect that much to our friendship.
One night after work a coworker started talking to me about how her neighbors have some how magically placed cameras in her room and bathroom to watch her. They also followed her around all the time. I asked her how they managed to get in her house to do that and what the cameras looked like trying to get her to look at things logically. There was no reasoning with her and she was taken away by ambulance from work a couple of weeks later. She was diagnosed as schizophrenic and placed on meds, which she stopped taking because she was feeling better. She was again hauled off from work after a melt down. Maybe your friend stopped taking her meds? Nothing can help her but the medication. I would just give her a lot of space until she's ready to be friends with you again. People with mental illness are unpredictable and for me personally, a deal breaker. I don't have the patience for it. You're in a different place because you have been friends with her for such a long time, but you have to be prepared to walk away. You may not have a choice if your friend decides that she doesn't want the friendship any more. Deserved or not.
Sometimes they have to change the meds & sometimes nothing helps.
My son was 33 when voices told him to set himself on fire. Somehow he survived for 11 years after that before his body finally gave out because of all the meds he had to take. But, for a few years before that, he died last January, my family & I had to distance ourselves because he threatened to kill all of us because we wouldn't give him money - he wanted thousands of dollars.
It was very hard to go through all this, as you can imagine, & I am so glad he is finally at peace & it was a natural death per the Coroner.
Schizophrenia is a tough, tough illness & please understand, that person is not the one you knew.
It's possible the correct meds could help but please don't get your hopes up. It's a brain illness.
My son's was so difficult because on top of the psych meds, he had all the pain meds & w diabetic, so his was an extreme case.
Just a thought. One thing you may try is calling her & asking if she'd want to get together & make dinner at her place - together. I did that with my son, brought all the makings for chicken soup & we cooked together. It was great.
Just a thought. It may be hard for her to go out in public with you, but cooking together is pretty innocuous & it may bring back a closeness, at least for awhile. And it may remind her of happier times. It did for my son at least, before things got too bad.
One night after work a coworker started talking to me about how her neighbors have some how magically placed cameras in her room and bathroom to watch her. They also followed her around all the time. I asked her how they managed to get in her house to do that and what the cameras looked like trying to get her to look at things logically. There was no reasoning with her and she was taken away by ambulance from work a couple of weeks later. She was diagnosed as schizophrenic and placed on meds, which she stopped taking because she was feeling better. She was again hauled off from work after a melt down. Maybe your friend stopped taking her meds? Nothing can help her but the medication. I would just give her a lot of space until she's ready to be friends with you again. People with mental illness are unpredictable and for me personally, a deal breaker. I don't have the patience for it. You're in a different place because you have been friends with her for such a long time, but you have to be prepared to walk away. You may not have a choice if your friend decides that she doesn't want the friendship any more. Deserved or not.
I think it's a shame that most people think that mental issues are a deal breaker though I understand that when you don't have enough knowledge about something it just feels frightening. Though obviously it's a bit different as I have known my friend for a long time. I wouldn't have any contact with her either if she was aggressive or something like that but that's not the case at all. She doesn't hear voices or "see things", she "only" have these paranoid thoughts. Or that's what she once said. At least couple of years ago she was medicated intravenously.
She actually called me back a while ago today and we agreed on going to get a coffee tomorrow but let's see. I let her to contact me.
That disease makes me so angry - the way it steals people's lives away from them! Such unfairness and grief to everyone involved.
OP, you sound like a reasonable and very nice person. I hope you always give yourself the same kind concern you give your friends.
Yes, it's so unfair! For instance before the disease my friend never said a bad word about anyone but was (still is) a sweet person. But perhaps generally people getting mentally ill tend to be more sensitive than the rest of us. Hah, I don't know about that but thank you, that's sweet! and have to remember that! :-)
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
