I'm convinced the point of therapy is to make people conform

[Lovehound]

Originally Posted by victorianpunk

I quit therapy a few months ago after it was getting me nowhere. I was diagnosed with ASPD ... and later two different shrinks gave me a new diagnosis... At least a sociopath would have some aura of "cool" attached to it, and I could make "Bad to the Bone" my entrance music. Instead... I'm schizotypal (STPD) Basically, it's a big, shrinkspeak way of saying I'm a weirdo. It has no negative impact on my life whatsoever aside from the maladaptive daydreaming that costed me my job because it was hard to focus (I'll find another one soon enough, so it's fine) I've started working on that myself and I can stay in reality now long enough to get things done.

Anyway, all my shrinks wanted to do was get me to change into something I'm not. I have only a few friends who I don't hang out with often. I'm fine with that. Shrinks are whining at me to spend time with people. I say no, and they say "humans are social animals." We're also spiritual animals, does that mean atheists need help?

I have very few real goals in life and I'm content to just work and go home and not "rock the boat." Shrinks say "you need to have goals and ambitions." Yeah, so I have something to be disappointed by?

I have dated and had sex, and I find it overrated and ... Shrinks just want to make me want to date and have sex with women when I'm happier with porn and fantasies.

Which brings me to the thesis statement: therapy is simply a means to make people conform to society's lame standards and expectations. ... Frankly, as long as I can hold a job, I don't care what people think. As long as I have a cat and/or some rodents to snuggle with, I have no real need for human companionship.

Whenever I talk about my issues, shrinks always try to get me to change my thinking. Why? If I'm happy, what's the harm? ... And the fact that I am not interested in relationships and trust doesn't stop them.

Anyone else notice this? How shrinks try to make people change who they are just to conform with a worthless society, as opposed to helping people be the best selves they can be?

I've attempted to edit your quote to a minimum, only to put my reply in context...

First of all, although neurosis is an obsolete psychological term, I'll use it to indicate a minor psychological problem. The real defining statement of having a mental problem can be divided into two simple questions? (1) Is your condition affecting your ability to function successfully in life? Is your condition making you unhappy, at least to a degree that you want to change?

If you feel that you are dealing with your life problems (work, living, relations with others, enjoying life) and if you are not unhappy with your life as it is, then I don't understand at all why you would even take the time to seek professional help.

There is no one correct "fits all" conception of life. If your therapists are trying to manipulate you into their conception of your perfect life, then they are guilty of projection (term I won't get into, but in effect trying to force their values on you). A therapist's job is to find out why you are having problems functioning, or why you are unhappy. Perhaps you are caught up in the problem that if you are seeking their help, then you must have a problem, and if you have a problem you are challenging them to fix it.

Your enjoyment of contact with animals is a healthy sign. Like seeks like. Animals have no problems unless they are abused. Could be why there are no animal-shrinks. I love animals because higher animals (at least mammals) treat you the same way you treat them. Love them and they will love you, to the best of their ability. -- BTW your comment about ambient, I like ambient too on occasion, very peaceful!

The real questions I have for you are (1) Why are you unhappy? (2) Why do you seek change? (3) Why
do you think psychologists are trying to make you conform? Why do you even need them? From your statement I quoted, you seem happy, you seem that your functionality is adequate for you, and it seems to me that your seeking psychotherapy is sending the wrong message that you are either unhappy or not meeting your functional goals in your life.

So here are my questions for you:

1. Are you happy the way you are?
2. Are you functional in your life and employment?
3. Do you feel there is anything missing from your life?
4. Do you interface with other people to the degree that they do not complain?
5. Why are you seeking counseling at all? If #1-4 above indicate you are happy with things the way they are, then why seek to change them?

Remember that the primary goal of psychotherapy is to help patients deal with leading a functional life, and to help them when they are NOT, and to help if patients experience a feeling of dysphoria: a state of unease or generalized dissatisfaction with life, or experience anhedonia: an inability to feel pleasure.

If you are leading a functional life that meets your expectations, if you interface with other people without any serious problems (all people have some problems with other people), if you are satisfied with your life and you experience satisfactory pleasure in your life, then it seems to me you are seeking a cure for a disease you don't have.

Or even if a psychologist can find a DSM-IV diagnosis for you, if it's not a problem for you then it's not a problem. Don't bother with psychologists until you feel that you have a problem, until you are unhappy, until you are failing in life. That is the time you should seek counseling.

Just beware of one fact. People often delude themselves into thinking everything is okay. Or they delude themselves into thinking this is all life is. If you are certain you need no help then get on with your life. One day if you realize you need help, you already know where you can find it.

[victorianpunk]

Originally Posted by keraT

during my last attempt at trying therapy to enrich my life. I am 80% happy with my life as is. I learned that there is 2 types of therapy. The one where they reach back to you childhood & put you under microscope. I didn't want that and sounds like OP doesn't want that. The other is CBT therapy, behavior base therapy where you work on one specific area of life & get action items to take home and practice. It is sort of like social personal trainer. I liked it.


You should look into that. Make it clear to your therapist from start, I am looking for CBT type therapy & I don't want to talk about my childhood or change myself complete. Here is the area of my life I want to improve, tell me how

That's an idea. Thanks.

[victorianpunk]

Originally Posted by katie45

OP: I applaud you for sharing yourself with us, that's not as easy as some may think it is. There are those who post on forums and put on a front that 'they are like most people, so they must be normal' . . .whatever normal is.

Some of the replies you've received appeared pretty harsh and some even condesending; hopefully they didn't intend to be perceived that way.

I went to a therapist and one of the things that seemed odd to me is that as soon as I walked into her office she ran over and gave me a big hug. I'm not a 'hugger type' personality and it felt very uncomfortable to have a complete stranger do that. As far as what transpired during the sessions, it was mainly,

"Tell me all about yourself."
"Why are you here?"
"What do you expect the outcome to be?"
"Why do you think you feel that way?"
"What do you think you can do to change your life?"

That was the first session; subsequent sessions were more on the line of, "Well, tell me what you've done to improve yourself since we last visited."

I could have asked myself those same questions and spent the money elsewhere.

As far as being a daydreamer, good for you! Thank goodness Alexander Graham Bell and Thomas Alva Edison were daydreamers - as well as the majority of other great inventors.

Being unique is what each of us are; however, there are those who have difficulty being an individual and not following the crowd.

As it has been said, "What's right, is what's right for each person."

Huh? Who gives someone a hug when they first meet, least of all a therapist? That is just absurd.

[victorianpunk]

Originally Posted by Lovehound

I've attempted to edit your quote to a minimum, only to put my reply in context...

First of all, although neurosis is an obsolete psychological term, I'll use it to indicate a minor psychological problem. The real defining statement of having a mental problem can be divided into two simple questions? (1) Is your condition affecting your ability to function successfully in life? Is your condition making you unhappy, at least to a degree that you want to change?

If you feel that you are dealing with your life problems (work, living, relations with others, enjoying life) and if you are not unhappy with your life as it is, then I don't understand at all why you would even take the time to seek professional help.

And this is my issue with the internet and humanity in general (well, one of the issues)

People do not read or try to understand what is before them but instead project. I said it ten times: I WENT TO A SHRINK FOR MALADAPTIVE DAYDREAMING. And instead, I got a bunch of "talk about your mother" crap that didn't address the issue.

[Lovehound]

Originally Posted by victorianpunk

People do not read or try to understand what is before them but instead project. I said it ten times: I WENT TO A SHRINK FOR MALADAPTIVE DAYDREAMING. And instead, I got a bunch of "talk about your mother" crap that didn't address the issue.

My advice to everybody:

Tell your shrink what YOU want to talk about. YOU ask the questions. Don't just flop on their couch and tell them "fix me."

There isn't a single counselor, psychologist, shrink, therapist who can treat you and fix you by talking to you. The best they can do is to help you understand your problems enough that you can fix them yourself.

Your therapist is not a machine that can be focused on you and fix you. Your therapist is a smart, trained mirror who can help you see your real self, help you see and understand what you are doing to yourself, and offer suggestions that may help you address your problems.

The coin of this exchange is the insight. This is something you have, not something your therapist gives you. You have an insight when you realize something about yourself that you never understood before, hopefully part of the puzzle that you will use to fix yourself. Your therapist merely facilitates your having the insights.

Have enough of them and one day you may find yourself fixed!

By the way, you are the one who decides when your treatment is over, not your therapist. It's the day you realize you can fly happily on your own, solo.