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Some people are good or not good with time for the same reason other people are good or not good at spelling or math. It's just an ability everyone has in a different amount.
Yup.
They CAN do it.
They just don't care.
It's like people who say, "I yelled/said nasty things in the heat of the moment. I couldn't help it."
They sure as eff coulda helped it if they were talking to a cop or their boss or a judge, etc.
People are so FOS when it comes to their crappy behavior.
I am almost "gifted" when it comes to time. Before our kids moved out, we would go on a hike or something with no wristwatches or any way to tell time, (this was before "everyone" had cellphones) and after hiking for about an hour or so, I would say, "Okay, time to head back so we can get back to the car by 4:00" (or whatever); and lo and behold, when we got back, the car clock would say something like "3:57". My kids used to brag about this ability to their friends and test me all the time.
My husband, OTOH, was absolutely clueless about time when we met. One time he left me in the car at a National Park about an hour before sunset and took his camera, saying he would be back in about ten minutes. About 45 minutes later, he STILL was not back! However, I knew how he was about time, so I just started walking on the main road and met him on his way back! He had just completely lost track of time. It took several years and just a few little scoldings from me for him to learn to CALL if he was going to be late; and now he hardly ever keeps me waiting.
People are different, and if you are the one who is punctual, you just have to let your S.O.'s know what you expect. If they are not willing to learn, imo, it just shows that they don't care enough about you to respect your needs and wants. OTOH, though, it doesn't hurt to give people some leeway!
Just one thing, anybody can buy a watch, and AFAIK every cellphone shows the time on the face of the phone whenever the screen is illuminated and doing nothing else. All it takes is a tap if the screen is dark. Oh yeah, and I'm sure most if not all phones have timer and alarm apps.
I'm sure there must be at least 100 Americans between the age of 18 and 65 without cellphones (well more including poor/homeless) but for normal functioning adults I can't imagine very many who don't carry it with them wherever they go. If a person has their cellphone with them (1) I can't imagine they would have any excuse to not be able to know the time if they cared, and (2) I still don't know why the OP didn't just phone GF and say, "when will you be here?"
I have a different problem. I'm retired, and VERY OFTEN forget what day of the week it is! If I'm late it's not the time I screwed up, it's the day I screwed up!
I used to have that problem. It was a real problem that was not pleasant for me. I was always racing to school and racing to work and I tried all the tricks to fool myself into thinking the time was different but that backfired because I knew that I did that and then it would confuse me more because all the clocks were set for different times.
My friends would tell me the wrong time for meet-ups but if they did that consistently it wouldn't work.
People would tell me to just get there 5 minutes early, but that did not compute. I was supposed to start work at a certain time and not 5 minutes early.
When I had a job that required I be absolutely on time it was very challenging, but I did manage to be precisely on time except for the occasional 1 minute tardy. That was documented so I could not have more then 3 in a month. That was walking a very thin line.
I had to get my kids to school on time and they never were. It was always a matter of 1-3 minutes or slipping into their seats at the last minute. That was enough to get them in trouble or on the verge. It wasn't their fault.
When I had a job that wasn't so punitive but I was supposed to be on time, I was chronically 5 minutes late but never more then that and I never called in sick. I was not a time stealer because I made up for it because I wasn't on time leaving either. I am slow at making the transition of leaving the place where I am to go to the next place. I had a whole theory of how some people are stayers and others are goers.
I learned to use a digital watch and not an analogue because in my head a 5 minute sliver seems like a lot of time. With a digital watch then the numbers are clearly spelled out.
I knew precisely how long it took to travel from point A to point B, but that did not allow for any irregularities. The smallest delay would throw everything off.
That is when I was being very vigilant. If I wasn't under the gun, then I would be late for everything. It is a thing that is not fun.
I went to a meeting once that started at 9 and I was there at 9, but everybody else was there earlier and my boss said something to me about being late and I said "I am on time, everybody else was early" I suppose I should have been there at 8:59 and 55 seconds but that wasn't what the memo said.
If I had to catch an airplane or go on a cruise. I would be panicked about it for weeks and for that I would show up 2 hours early at least. That would be a special event.
It is a glitchy glitch.. It isn't fun for anyone.
Now I don't do that. I am not late as a rule but I don't have an extremely busy life with not enough minutes in the day anymore.
I still do underestimate how long things take. I usually plan to be early for whatever it is and then I am on time. I have more time to spend on time management. That wasn't in the time budget before.
I studied it and I examined it and analyzed it and tried to fix it but it is a 'thing' and it is not simply a matter of selfishness and disregard for others.
Nobody is perfect and either it is something you will work with or something you won't but she can't snap her fingers and get a new brain. It is best to accept her how she is and help her work on it and you can adjust expectations and try to make it work. I never didn't want help.
Last edited by Veronicka; 02-17-2017 at 05:23 PM..
You know you have a problem with time when you set your bedside clock to read 15 minutes later than the correct time, and set your alarm on that. How many people could be so delusional as to not remember they faked the clock setting, and then wake up and not remember it's not really as late as you think? Don't tell me you wouldn't just hit the snooze button...
I struggle with that. I'm not very good at noticing the passing of time. That being said I do try to be on time and use alarms and reminders. When I'm late, it's usually less than 10 minutes, not 1 hour.
10 minutes is not generally a problem. Not unless you watch the movie Final Destination or one of its sequels!
It always irked me when I lived with my parents (before graduating college) that my mother messed with the clocks to get my dad off to work on time.
I doubt it's related but in the present I'm obsessed with having every clock in the house tick over the minute at the exact same second! I think that's more likely to my perhaps overly-developed trait of perfectionism, maybe with a few sprinkles of OCD mixed in.
I've mentioned it a few times, with no reaction. I still don't understand why cellphones couldn't solve the OP's problem.
When you think about it, relationship problems often have a "communications" component (often a failure of communications between the two regarding expectations or objectives/goals or what each wants from the other) but in the case of the OP I can't imagine why electronic communications a la cellphones wouldn't be a major problem avoidance tool.
Obviously OP and GF have communications issues both electronic and psychological.
One day probably all our brains will be chipped at birth with cellphone implants, giving humans electronic telepathy. Or if you're an Orwell fan we'll all be chipped to become perfect citizen/robot/automatons.
Funny how yesterday's luxuries can become today's necessities.
Some people are good or not good with time for the same reason other people are good or not good at spelling or math. It's just an ability everyone has in a different amount.
But a clock or watch and a little effort can solve the lateness problem, whereas problems with math and spelling are more difficult to solve.
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