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To paint a visual to my question, the spectrum of what I'm asking is in between two extremes. On the one hand you have an individual who thinks of no one but themselves, does nothing for anyone other than themselves, and feels no remorse in doing so. On the other hand you have an individual who by choice/necessity thinks about and takes care of everyone but themselves.
My self leans more towards taking care of others. I try hard to balance myself to life, but at the end of the day my choices & necessities in life make me more of a caregiver. And as an anti-social introvert it makes each day a chore.
Work - I'm a CPA (own my company). By default I help others. Sure, it may be just taxes, or business consulting, but my work is all about helping others directly. One could say even in a machine shop making parts that they're helping others, but the nature of the job being by a machine makes the help so indirect I feel that doesn't count.
Family - I am the son who is mostly caring for my elderly parents. I do all their finances, I have health proxy and am very involved in their medical lives, and have daily phone calls to see what's going on. I visit once a week. My wife is chronically ill (with pain) and can only do so much. I do everything I can to help her out. I also deal my my brothers life and help him out. Sure I have a choice, but their family, so in reality I don't feel like there's a choice at all because I am capable.
Social - In general I hate humans so here's my me time. My exercise of choice is running, something I do by myself. Other times when I have the chance I'll watch movies by myself or waste time on the internet.
I take care of the physical me with exercise, semi-smart eating, etc. I shower daily , so I don't stink. I look OK to others so visually I don't look like an unkempt person. I don't by enough clothes for myself (although I dress OK even though the clothes are old). If I look at hours spent in a day, I'm sadly close to 80% a caregiver of others in a manner of speaking. Sadly because although deep down I know it makes me a "good person" in the eyes of others (not that I care), I can't help the selfish in me and give myself more me time.
I think I'm crazy but everybody else thinks I'm perfectly normal. I think I'm an ahole as well but nobody has ever called me that except my family, they call me mean and other names.
Work-- I have always felt the need to service other people and to create something out of nothing. Also always felt the desire to be a freelancer and work for myself.
Family-- my family doesn't like me but I have always tried to help them out anyway I can. I'm the black sheep of my family but so be it. You can't choose your family. I have thought of disowning them but I don't have the heart to do it. I'm weak when it comes to family.
Social--I don't do so well in social situations. I'm socially awkward. Only recently have I realized I can't be around people right now. I need to work on myself. But it's only situational. I'm going through a tough time right now. I have liked people mostly in the past so I'm working hard to be able to be around people again.
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
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Work - I've always tried to keep a business mindset and be someone my coworkers trust. I'm very reliable and try my best to be fair and empower my employees. I really don't believe in befriending coworkers except for the occasional happy hour just for a good look.
Family - Not married and no interest in marriage or having kids, flat set against both. I don't talk to my family of origin, excluding my mother at all. They pretty much don't have any regard for me and I return that sentiment. My mother and I had a lot of problems coming up but get along decent for the most part now. My dad was an absent ahole for the most part and we rarely got along. No siblings.
Social - I'm extremely shy and reluctant when meeting new people. But once I get comfortable with someone, I open up and become a laid back person who makes others laugh. I'm king of over sensitive at times.
Well, most of us are not purely at one end of the spectrum you are talking about. We are made up of differing genes and life experiences, for one thing. So, I don't know that I think of myself as either a very giving or very selfish person. I think I am somewhere in the middle of the spectrum. But there are so many other ways of defining oneself.
Are you meaning that while we present one face to the pubic, we know ourselves to be different than that face?
Well, yes, don't we all do at least some of this? Only in sitcoms do people say out loud every thought that is their minds. People who have no filters probably have few friends, and possibly have trouble holding down jobs.
I present a cheerful, supportive face to the outside world, because that is the part of me that I deem most palatable to others. Doing so helps me get along, and it helped me in my working life as well. I am not really that cheerful or supportive. I've had to work on myself to know how to appear that way, and doing so has helped me become more like that. But I am fairly skeptical, often cynical, and also often critical. These aspects of my personality are not attractive, even to me. So, I do not present those aspects often, unless I am with people I absolutely trust.
Well, most of us are not purely at one end of the spectrum you are talking about. We are made up of differing genes and life experiences, for one thing. So, I don't know that I think of myself as either a very giving or very selfish person. I think I am somewhere in the middle of the spectrum. But there are so many other ways of defining oneself.
Are you meaning that while we present one face to the pubic, we know ourselves to be different than that face?
Well, yes, don't we all do at least some of this? Only in sitcoms do people say out loud every thought that is their minds. People who have no filters probably have few friends, and possibly have trouble holding down jobs.
I present a cheerful, supportive face to the outside world, because that is the part of me that I deem most palatable to others. Doing so helps me get along, and it helped me in my working life as well. I am not really that cheerful or supportive. I've had to work on myself to know how to appear that way, and doing so has helped me become more like that. But I am fairly skeptical, often cynical, and also often critical. These aspects of my personality are not attractive, even to me. So, I do not present those aspects often, unless I am with people I absolutely trust.
Excellent perspective. But go beyond the battle within. The filters we all have are there for a purpose, balance. It's one thing to mentally strive for equilibrium, but in the end our actions skew that balance. People see us visually, not telepathically. Who I am to everyone but me obviously affects my ability to focus on just me, unless I choose to ignore the outside world.
No one really knows I'm an anti-social introvert until I tell them, and then they don't believe me. Those closest to me know who I am. Despite all the joys in life with growing up with my parents, having a wife and 2 kids and 2 grandchildren, my greatest peace comes from being alone. But I know I cannot live life in that box. That box I have to force fit into spots, thus despite who I am my actions speak to 80% a caregiver to others. Am I happy? Yes and no. But I can face that because I truly believe it's part of the game of life.
Excellent perspective. But go beyond the battle within. The filters we all have are there for a purpose, balance. It's one thing to mentally strive for equilibrium, but in the end our actions skew that balance. People see us visually, not telepathically. Who I am to everyone but me obviously affects my ability to focus on just me, unless I choose to ignore the outside world.
No one really knows I'm an anti-social introvert until I tell them, and then they don't believe me. Those closest to me know who I am. Despite all the joys in life with growing up with my parents, having a wife and 2 kids and 2 grandchildren, my greatest peace comes from being alone. But I know I cannot live life in that box. That box I have to force fit into spots, thus despite who I am my actions speak to 80% a caregiver to others. Am I happy? Yes and no. But I can face that because I truly believe it's part of the game of life.
I do think that we sometimes reveal something of our inner selves and that we might not wish to do so. But that inadvertently we do. I think that fear is often what keeps me from being a more open person, even though you would find me quite lively and (I hope) charming in person.
I do think that those of us who manage interpersonal relationships decently do wear masks of acceptability.
Incidentally, companies now put a premium on co workers remaining positive and getting along. There is less tolerance for crabbiness and resistance than there was a generation ago.
To paint a visual to my question, the spectrum of what I'm asking is in between two extremes. On the one hand you have an individual who thinks of no one but themselves, does nothing for anyone other than themselves, and feels no remorse in doing so. On the other hand you have an individual who by choice/necessity thinks about and takes care of everyone but themselves.
The key is balance. That you would even ask such a question shows me that you are seeking balance, and somehow your merely asking the question indicates to me that you have a high chance of balancing them all.
I feel the same myself, although find it is a constant struggle to keep everything in balance.
ATM I myself am drowning in struggling for my own life while trying to meet the other ideals. I sometimes wonder if my main attraction to this forum is a way of my paying it forward. If not I should just quit posting and get out of the way of others who are doing better than I at adding not subtracting from the forum. Feedback seems to validate that I am succeeding to some degree.
To paint a visual to my question, the spectrum of what I'm asking is in between two extremes. On the one hand you have an individual who thinks of no one but themselves, does nothing for anyone other than themselves, and feels no remorse in doing so. On the other hand you have an individual who by choice/necessity thinks about and takes care of everyone but themselves.
My self leans more towards taking care of others. I try hard to balance myself to life, but at the end of the day my choices & necessities in life make me more of a caregiver. And as an anti-social introvert it makes each day a chore.
Work - I'm a CPA (own my company). By default I help others. Sure, it may be just taxes, or business consulting, but my work is all about helping others directly. One could say even in a machine shop making parts that they're helping others, but the nature of the job being by a machine makes the help so indirect I feel that doesn't count.
Family - I am the son who is mostly caring for my elderly parents. I do all their finances, I have health proxy and am very involved in their medical lives, and have daily phone calls to see what's going on. I visit once a week. My wife is chronically ill (with pain) and can only do so much. I do everything I can to help her out. I also deal my my brothers life and help him out. Sure I have a choice, but their family, so in reality I don't feel like there's a choice at all because I am capable.
Social - In general I hate humans so here's my me time. My exercise of choice is running, something I do by myself. Other times when I have the chance I'll watch movies by myself or waste time on the internet.
I take care of the physical me with exercise, semi-smart eating, etc. I shower daily , so I don't stink. I look OK to others so visually I don't look like an unkempt person. I don't by enough clothes for myself (although I dress OK even though the clothes are old). If I look at hours spent in a day, I'm sadly close to 80% a caregiver of others in a manner of speaking. Sadly because although deep down I know it makes me a "good person" in the eyes of others (not that I care), I can't help the selfish in me and give myself more me time.
Care-Giver vs Selfish: Throughout most of my teens, I was a selfish person, believing in social Darwinism, that happiness could be maximized if everyone focused only on their own lives, and if a person is in a tricky situation, it's their fault and they can get out of it if they try hard enough. Now I don't believe in that at all, and I'm painfully aware of how privileged I am. I've started caring about people a LOT more, and plan on going into a "helping" field. Sometimes I think I might be happier and more relaxed had I kept my old philosophy, but at the end of the day, I'm glad I've changed.
Work- I'm still just a student, and it will be years before I'm financially independent from my parents. I feel like a leech, and I don't think I'll ever be able to repay my parents for everything they've done for me. I'm often very anxious about my future, as my desired profession is very competitive to get into. I'd feel awful if I failed, especially since I'm spoiled and therefore most of my peers face more obstacles than I do.
Family- I go to school near home; even though I really don't like the place I live in, I choose to stay because I can't stand being away from my family for too long. I can't remember the last time I've fought with any of my family members, and I'm very grateful that none of them have any physical problems. I dread the day I lose one of them.
Social- I struggle to make sure I come off as friendly, approachable, and willing to help, while at the same time not being pushy, rude, fake, or stepping on anyone's toes. I'm very shy and introverted, but I also love people and find everyone I meet to be interesting and unique. I'm very fortunate in the sense that everyone I've met has been nice to me. Yet I still find meeting new people to be very intimidating, because I don't know how to act/speak without accidentally offending or annoying them. Once I get to know a person, I tend to be more relaxed, because I have a better idea of how they "work". Having said that, even though I'm happy to have a conversation with someone if they approach me, I rarely go out of my way to socialize for the sake of socializing.
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, so I don't stink. I look OK to others so visually I don't look like an unkempt person. I don't by enough clothes for myself (although I dress OK even though the clothes are old). If I look at hours spent in a day, I'm sadly close to 80% a caregiver of others in a manner of speaking. Sadly because although deep down I know it makes me a "good person" in the eyes of others (not that I care), I can't help the selfish in me and give myself more me time.
