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Most of the articles I can find online about this are in relation to being emotionally available to a partner and talking through your feelings with them so you can resolve any problems that might have arisen. I would like to be more emotionally available to myself so I can better identify my gut feelings, learn to trust them and make good use of them.
I am the crown prince of overthinking, analysis paralysis and deflection by humour. I have done these things for so long that they've become my default settings. If I could break the cycle I'm sure I'd be a much better writer and a more honest, satisfied and fulfilled human being.
Have any of you, my fellow C-Ders, noticed these habits in yourselves and what did you do to put them behind you?
If you want to 'peel the onion' you might come to the conclusion that it's the same bugaboo that governs why most people do things that can make their lives more difficult...insecurity.
In this case...overthinking, analysis paralysis tends to be the fear of not getting it right.
Part of your head is playing devil's advocate and making you question your decisions, expecting too much of yourself (perfection) even if, ostensibly and ordinarily, you consider yourself quite competent.
Does any of this ring a bell with you?
Loud and clear. I have actually done time on a therapist's couch to deal with this. We saw each other often enough to build trust and a good rapport. Unfortunately she moved on before I could properly identify the problem, let alone address its cause.
Is not opening up yourself emotionally pretty much the same issue? Trying to decide whether or not you might "make a mistake" in trusting someone else with your trust and emotions?
Since nobody is perfect, it's not too difficult to scrounge up some trait that can make you think that person has the potential to hurt you in some way so "safer" not to open yourself up to the possibility.
Can you tell I'm very familiar with this road block one builds for themselves?
I've put much thought and self analysis into it and yes, you can work around it.
I've put much thought and self analysis into it and yes, you can work around it.
That's very encouraging. What I'm most interested in is being honest with myself about my own feelings and gut reactions. I've obfuscated them so much over the years that I can't even identify them.
Long ago and far away I wrote a short story that would have been so much better if it were emotionally authentic, less for me than the characters. I completed a draft of it and then, afraid of hitting a nerve or having readers jump to all sorts of unsavoury conclusions about what might have inspired it, I turned it into a generic detective yarn full of stupid jokes. I sold my own work short by treating it like a cross between Tootsie and The Naked Gun.
If any of my other writing is going to be successful or even completed, I have to do justice to the feelings behind it. I don't yet have the faith or confidence to do that, but let's hope identifying the problem is the first step to overcoming it.
By a man's work shall ye know him, they say. That's a bit difficult when...
The main job of a therapist ,, when you think about it, is to simply ask "Why?" whenever you state something.
Rather than 'argue' with yourself, let that other part of you do the same...to each answer, the first seldom, if ever, being a deep enough one.
Keep going...'peeling the onion', so to speak, to see if you can get to the center.
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